If you are a single mom practicing celibacy or are thinking about practicing celibacy you may have some concerns or questions regarding your journey. The main one being is it even possible? First off, I am a single mom and I practice celibacy (see my blog here).
I also understand that practicing celibacy as a single mom can be difficult because unless you were impregnated by the Holy Spirit, your child is a reminder to everyone that you have had sex before. What that means to other people, especially men, is that it is hard to understand why you want to be celibate now, when you have obviously had sex before AND had a child before. Despite this perception that may come from men you can practice celibacy as a single mother if you want to, there are benefits to it (click my blog here).
I am going to give you the absolute must have tips when practicing celibacy as a single mom.
Practicing Celibacy as a Single Mom Tip #1 Its Your Body
If a man is trying to give you a hard time about practicing celibacy as a single mom then you need to say these words to him. “It is my body.” I don’t care if you have a child, three children, or even 10 children. I do not care how many men you have slept with in the past, the moment that YOU decide to become celibate then that is your right.
Do not feel pressured or obligated to have sex with anyone because you have a kid. If you are dating a man that does not understand this, then you may want to reconsider dating him. Or better yet you can try this little trick. Tell him to go to his bank account clean out all of his money and give it to you. I can almost bet that his reaction is going to be no, because the money is not yours, you are not his wife, or he is no obligation to share all his money with you.
And that is the point. Your body is more precious than the money in his bank account and just like he is not willing to empty out his account for you because you are not his wife, then you do not have to have sex with him because he is not your husband.
Practicing Celibacy as a Single Mom Tip #2 Watch Your Boundaries
This is a good tip for anyone who wants to not have sex or remain celibate. I have written about this before in my how to maintain your celibacy while in a relationship blog (click here). Whenever you are not having sex, when you are dating, or even if you are in a serious relationship, do NOT put yourself in situations in which it is more likely you will have sex.
This includes staying over each other’s house, sleeping in the same bed, or even taking a shower together. This may seem like common sense but some people really push the envelope when it comes to NOT maintaining boundaries and trying to be celibate. Having poor boundaries is a quick way that will make you slip up and mess up your celibacy journey.
Practicing Celibacy as a Single Mom Tip #3 You Want To Get It Right
As a single mother who currently has had sex before and is practicing celibacy, I can tell you that when I had sex before marriage I NEVER got married to the guy. Perhaps you need to remind yourself of this or you need to remind mind the guy of this.
That you do not want to have sex because you do not want to be blinded by the sex so much that you overlook the bad qualifies of the guy that you are dating, or you don’t want to have enough child, or because you want to do it God’s way because the doing it the other way did not work for you so far.
So what you have a kid and you had sex before to get that kid? There is nothing wrong with wanting to do things right this time and there is nothing wrong with wanting to make sure that you do not repeat past mistakes of having sex too soon or allowing sex to define how you feel about the man you are dating.
When you remove sex from the equation you get to see who the man is, any red flags, and if he has the potential for marriage. Just because you may have not done that the first time when you had a child does NOT mean that you cannot do it now.
Practicing Celibacy As a Single Mom Tip 4 If he is not serious he will bounce
This is also a good rule for any women who is not having sex. But especially for single mothers. I wrote about this in my how to introduce your boyfriend to your child blog (click here to read). The last thing you want is for your door to be a house full of revolving men.
When you are serious enough about a man to tell him that you are not going to have sex with him until you are married, that is when you will see what his true intentions are. Yes he may try to push the boundaries at first to see if you fold. But once he realizes you mean business. He is either going to leave or he is going to keep seeing you.
The ones that keep seeing you, you can feel more confident about when it comes to introducing him to your children. Because if he stays around, know that you are not going to have sex with him until marriage, and still wants to meet your kids; that is a strong indicator he is a keeper. It will also decrease the chance of a man dating you, trying to sleep with you with no intention of marrying you, meeting your kids, and then leaving never to be seen or heard from again.
Practicing Celibacy As a Single Mom Tip 5 Setting a good example for your kids
Even though I had pre-material sex to get my son, it is my hope that he does not just go around having sex with random girls when he gets older. I am raising him to be the type of man I want to marry (see my blog here). If I had a girl I would feel the need to set a good example times ten.
With that being said, children are always looking at you even when you think they are not. They pay attention to when you spend the night at your boyfriend’s house, when he spends the night, or if he is sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night after they heard strange noises coming from your bedroom.
In the end, you want to set a good example for your children. So that they can understand that their body is precious and that it should not be shared with everyone. Even if you say it to them, children do not always do what they hear you tell them to do, but they tend to do what they see you doing. If they see you honoring your body in a relationship, then when they grow up it is more likely that they will do the same.
Practicing celibacy as a single mother is not hard at all, especially if you know that you are doing it for you. People may give you crap about it and they may not understand. But who cares that they think (click my blog here). The only person that has to live with the decisions that you make is yourself AND your kids.