Dating as a single mom you may have the “when to introduce child to boyfriend” question. You know if you do it too soon and the guy disappears then it may be emotional damaging to your child or if you break up with your boyfriend and the child has met him, the child may keep asking about him for months on end which will be emotionally damaging to you.
So I am here to help you and give you tips when you should introduce your child to your boyfriend. And really it is not “when” in terms of an actual time (i.e 3 months, 6 months, 9 months) because the “when” can change on each situation. But rather to teach you how to identify the “when” so that you know that it is a right time to introduce your child to your boyfriend. Make sense? If it doesn’t keep reading and you will understand
Know When To Introduce Child To Boyfriend With These 5 Tips.
When To Introduce Child To Boyfriend Tip #1 When You Know He is Your Boyfriend
I have written about this in my dating versus a relationship blog which you can read here. Just because you are dating someone, even if you have been dating for months on end does not mean that person is your boyfriend. Therefore, the last thing you want to do is to introduce a man that is not your boyfriend, does not have serious plans for you, and is just casually dating you to your kids.
The first thing you need to know is if an established relationship is between the both of you. A verbal communication needs to happen that says you are my boyfriend and I am your girlfriend. When you establish an
actual relationship then that sets the tone for a more serious relationship and indicates that this man is going to be around for a while.
When he does not want to be your boyfriend or does not want to say that he is in a relationship with you, then do not even bother introducing him to your child because he does plan to be around for the long term, he is not sure about you yet, or you may not be sure about him.
True story, I dated a man for quite a while and he was ready to meet my child and be my boyfriend, BUT I was not sure about him yet. I dated him for about a year and he never met my child nor did I officially make him my boyfriend. It is important to not only make sure the title is there, but to make sure that you want to give him the title.
There is no timeline associated with making someone your boyfriend. Even if you are dating for 6 months and you still do not know if you want him to be your boyfriend or vice versa that is okay. In the case of my story, he never met my child so no harm not foul. It would have been worse if he met my son in month 3, my son got to know him for 9 more months, and then he left; never to be seen or heard from again because he was not boyfriend material.
When To Introduce Child To Boyfriend Tip #2 Know What He Wants and Know What He wants From You
The last thing you want to do is have a revolving door of men coming in and out of your house. I spoke about this in the having boundaries when dating a single mom blog click here. Even if a man says that he is your boyfriend you should have a clear indication on where the relationship is going.
Does this man want to ever get married?
Does he want children?
Does he even like children?
Does he see himself wanting to be a permanent fixture in your life?
All these things are things you need to know before dragging your kids in. Even if he says he is your boyfriend, him saying things like “I like you but I am not the father type” or “I do not like kids or see myself having kids” these comments are a strong indicator that he should never meet your kids. He does not want kids and he does not like kids and that is probably not going to change after he has met yours. So make sure before he meets your kids that being around kids and having them in his life is something that he wants.
True story, I began dating a lawyer. He did not have any kids but had dated a woman with kids before. While talking he made the comment that kids are like animals, they are cute when you look at them but then they start moving and jumping around you do not want them around you or touching you. Big red flag. He is not a kid person. Pay attention to those signs because if he is not a kid person, even if he is your boyfriend he is not going to become one just because he likes you. This will lead to a situation where he likes you and does not like your kids making you feel like you have to choose between the two, and it should not be this way.
When To Introduce Child To Boyfriend Tip #3 Evaluate his Sanity and His Temperament
This should not be said, but it happens oh so often. Where a woman is dating a man, she knows he has a temper problem, lacks patience, or some other issue that says he may not be the best around your child. Not only should you NOT introduce him to your children but you should not even be with him.
A man like that you do not want to introduce him to your child if you know that he lacks patience and will possibly yell at your child and/or be in a bad mood around your child. The whole point is to ensure that your child and your boyfriend have a positive relationship and not a strained one. That is why it is important to observe your boyfriend to see if his personality will go well will kids. Is he too strict? Does he lack patience? Does he think that as your boyfriend he should be able to spank or discipline your children? And do you agree with his stance or are you against it. Knowing some of these questions are important aspects to know before bringing your boyfriend into your child’s life. Also read my blog on deal breakers to help you determine this.
When To Introduce Child To Boyfriend Tip #4 What is his intention
Ideally you want your boyfriend to be in your child’s life and your life for a very long time. You do not know want someone that is looking to date you for a few months and bounce. When you choose to introduce your child your boyfriend, children can get attached. So you should know if your boyfriend plans on being around for the long term. This will prevent men from bouncing in and out of your children’s lives and them getting attached to men and then watching them leave possibly creating another issue with them in itself.
An intention that you should look for is if he plans to marry you. That is a good sign that he is in it for the long term. And he plans to fully integrate himself into your children life fully by literally becoming a part of the family.
When To Introduce Child To Boyfriend Tip #5 When He is ready.
The last thing you want to do is to force your child on your boyfriend before he is ready. It may lead to an awkward encounter and an awkward encounter can lead to a bad encounter. Before introducing your boyfriend to your child there should always be a conversation about it before hand. Are you ready to meet my child? AND include all the above tips in the conversation.
What is your intention for me as I do not like for men to meet my children and then a few weeks later disappear?
Do you like children and what type of relationship do you plan to have with MY child once you meet them?
This is how I see you interacting with my child once you meet them, do you think you can do that?
You are your child’s mother and you have a responsibility to protect them. Never let you wanting a boyfriend or you wanting to have a big happy family overshadow the vetting your boyfriend in the proper way possible. The whole point is that you want your children meeting your boyfriend to be a happy experience. Not something that is forced, forced upon them, something they are not ready for, you are not ready for, or your boyfriend is not ready for. That will just make the meeting experience bad. So when you determine when to introduce child to boyfriend “timing” you will know it is the right time when you have considered all of the above elements.