As a single mother a common misconception is that we must have a man or father in our children’s lives in order for them to feel complete. That we are some how desperate for a marriage or for a man to raise our children and would therefore accept anything to be in a relationships. I wish I could sit here and tell you that it is a myth. But many times single moms abandoning all responsibility as a parent to chase a relationships is all to common. Although I do feel every child deserves a father, there are situations in life that just prevent that from happening.
I will use myself as an example. Growing up I never knew my father. I also did not play the victim because I did not know my father. I lived a very normal life, stayed out of trouble, and went to college. One thing I did not want is the fact that I did not have a father to put me in a stereotypical box where I was looked at as being incomplete or defective in some way. As I am a single mother now I try to encourage the same thing in my child.
One thing I hate is women who abandon their children in hopes of finding a man because they feel somehow their life is not complete without being in a relationship. It is crazy to look at the news and read crime reports about women who have killed their children, abused their children, or neglected their children for a man’s sake.
Or a closer example that may be more close to home are mothers who go out every day of the week leaving their children with baby sitters or by themselves all for the sake of saying they are going out with a man.
I am so tired of hearing women say “Well, mama needs to be happy too.” In theory this is right, mothers do deserve to be happy, but not at the expense of their children. Mothers can have fun but you cannot come first. You forfeited that right once you decided to have a child.
A tip to mothers, your kids did not ask to be here. You decided to have them, and therefore you are responsible for their lives. For myself as a single mother, I never want my son to feel like he is missing out on anything because he does not have a father in his life.
This is why I try to expose h
im to things. For one of my son’s birthday he got a child set of golf clubs. Not because I think he is going to the next Tiger Woods but because I must try to nourish all of his gifts so he can find out what he is good at and this in turn will help him build confidence. I tell my son all the time that he will go to college. I want my son to feel that he can do and achieve anything that he wants, even if he came from a single parent household.
As a single parent, my focus cannot be on finding a man, it has to be on my son first. Whenever I do date and in the future when I find a husband, there are a few things I will not compromise on. The first is that he must LOVE, not LIKE my son a lot, my child.
This may seem like a no brainier but you would be shocked to find out how many women marry men who do not like their children or who do not want to be around their children, and it is sad to say the children suffer because of the parent’s selfishness and their inability to put their children first.
In closing, never feel like being a single mother is a burden. If you learn to spend time with your ch
ildren, I am sure you will learn that they are not half bad. Me and my son are very close and sit around and have fun all the time. I do not have to have a man in my life for me to enjoy being a mother. Although we are not a “stereotypical family” with a father. We are still our own family and have just as much fun.
If you feel like your children are a burden they will pick up on it. As children go through life, they never forget certain things. This is why adults develop abandonment issues, low self esteem, and have an inability to cope with life because these things were never fostered through them as children.
As parent, single or not, it is your job to make sure you children grow up to the most productive adults they can be. To put them first since you took it upon yourself to have them. Accident or not, they did not procreate themselves. The parent was involved in creating them, they did not ask to be here. So do not punish them for being here. There are several times that my son works my last nerves. He really does. But no matter what he does I am always putting his best interest at heart.
So single mothers, please, stop being so selfish.