As a single mom who is ready to step out into the dating pool again, your feelings may range from “tired of being lonely and single,” to being a desperate woman, to just being ready for a relationship. I am a single mother myself and I am hear to tell you that there is a right and a wrong way to be dating as a single mom. When you date, it is not just you dating, but you are dating with kids. And I get it, you have frustrations as a single mom. You may feel like you never really get to enjoy single life because as a single mother we have responsibilities. We have all the responsibilities of a full fledge family minus the man. I am responsible for taking off from work when my son is sick or finding backup sitter when the school is closed. There is no one to trade places with, only me. I am responsible for picking him up in time, dropping him off every day on time, or I have to pay a fee. I cannot go to happy hour after work; it is the same routine day in and day out. Sounds great doesn’t it.
It is hard. However, I have noticed a trend of single mothers who are dating that I will never co-sign on. That is the idea that they are willing to do anything and everything to have in their life, even at the expense of their children.
I want to give the best relationship advice that I could every give any single mother when they are a dating as a single parent.
Don’t Ditch Your Kids For A Man
I know you want for your child or children to have a father figure, but you do not have to wait for a man to come around in order to do things with your child. You do not need to ditch your children in efforts to stay out all night to go find a man. It’s okay to go out, but to go out every other day or every weekend without your kids, is excessive.
When a man looks at dating a women with kids, the first thing he is going to look at is if she is a good mother or a bad mother, and he will determine that by looking at how the woman treats her kids.
This is single mom dating advice 101. A man may flirt with you and take you home at night, but trust me; no man is going to take you seriously if you leaving your children a babysitter all the time. They are going to think that this behavior is going to continue if they marry you or have children by you.
Don’t Have His Baby In Order To Keep A Man
Another single mom dating 101 lesson that many women miss. Do not have a baby by a man in order to keep him. It does not work. I know women who have not mastered this though process and now they have 4 or 5 different baby daddy’s. This living situation only hurts you in the long run. And Honestly, even if you have multiple children by one man and you are not married. STOP! If he does not want to marry you, why do you keep pumping out his children? On any given day, he can leave, and here you are with his children while he moves on with someone else. If he wants you to continue to have his children, then he needs to marry you.
Yes I do have a child. But one things I learned is that I am not going to continue to have more and more children out of wedlock. I have been there already and done that! And news flash it’s hard! Women do not fall for the man that does not believe in marriage and it’s a piece of paper. That is BS, and they are full of it. It is not just a piece a paper. It is a responsibility; it is a vow before God that he is willing to step up and be a man to take care of the children that he created. If he is not, then move on, why waste your time?
Learn To Be Selfless
I am tired of single moms being selfish and crying all the time treating their child bad because they feel that their child is the reason they have no man. Your child is here, you are their mother and you are responsible for their wellbeing. So stop being so selfish. Even when you get married do you think that it will be all about you? It will be about being a mother and being a wife. Those things take unselfishness despite what you think.
Learn To Prioritize
There is nothing wrong with name brand clothing, but if you cannot pay your rent and bills then perhaps you need a readjustment. At the end of the day name brand is not what matters. What you instill in your kids matter. I am not saying have your children looking like a hot mess walking around, but why at three years old spend $100 on shoes that the child will only wear for a month and grow out of, and you to fall behind on your utilities bills is beyond my understanding. I mean really get some insight and priority.
Single Mom/Strong Mom
Instead of seeing being a single mom as a burden that is keeping you single and lonely, see it as preparation. The better mother you are, the stronger you are, and believe it or the better you are prepared for marriage. So you really have one up in this regard. Having someone live in your household and being solely responsible for their wellbeing is preparation for marriage. When kids are young they are selfish. They want what they want and do not see a world beyond what they want, and cry when they can’t get it. This is normal; it is part of being a kid.
I know that being a single mother is hard. I know what it is like. I have been there and am here now. But, as a single mother do not be a victim. Do not play a victim in front of your kids. Be strong and the man that will find you will see you as strong, they will see you as a good strong single mother and want you even more. If you are doing well on your own as a single mother, then imagine how they view you would be as a wife or to their future kids.