A vow of celibacy sound a little bit dramatic does it. But I have decided to stop having sex. Before I get into why, I just want to start out by saying that I am not a virgin. This is obvious since I have a son. But regardless of me having sex before coming celibate, a few years ago I made the decision to become celibate. Taking a vow of celibacy had been weighing on my heart for years and years before I finally decided to follow through.
My vow of celibacy is NOT forever but I have made the decision that before I have sex again I want to wait until marriage. As a Christian I am not perfect nor am I ever going to be. But as I got to know God better, I started to feel convicted about having sex outside of marriage.
I started to feel like either I was a Christian and I was going to start following the word of God. Or I was going to continue to do what I wanted to do and ignore what God was telling me to do. I would love to lie to you and tell you it was an easy decision, but it was far from. Me becoming celibate was years in the making. God would convict me, I would restrain from sex and then I would mess up. This process would happen over and over again with men I was in “relationships” with. And by relationships I mean I was committed to them and they were not committed to me. After each time I had the nerve to pray and ask for forgiveness, hoping that I would not do it again, but knowing that I would.
The final time when I knew enough was enough was when I was seeing a man for over a year. It was my birthday and I stopped by his house. Around 3 a.m, he told me to leave his home so that his girlfriend could come over. I was shocked. I had not been “seeing” anyone else, but apparently he was and had no problem letting me know that I was only there for the physical and nothing more which is why he kicked me out at 3 in the morning.
Yes he kicked me out!!!! On my birthday! And he forgot that it was my birthday! I had been seeing this guy for over a year and this is how he treated me. Not to mention, this was the first time I heard of a girlfriend. Instead of getting angry, I was at peace, because it was more of a wake up call than anything.
Like I told you before, it was my birthday. God told me when I went over there just to be quiet and not tell him that it was my birthday. God told me to wait until he ask you how you are, before you tell him. And guess what, he never asked me. The whole conversation was about him. What he wanted. How he wanted me to massage his back. How he had a hard day at work. He didn’t ask me anything about myself. He never even knew it was my birthday! Talk about an eye opening moment.
I decided to no longer put myself in these types of comprising positions. I also decided that there were too many STD’s out there to continue to sleep with anyone outside of marriage. Condoms do not matter. Yes they protect against certain STD’s but not all. You can still get herpes or genital warts. The only thing that is 100% is not having sex, and this is what I chose. Which is why I took a vow of celibacy.
Since I made that decision I do not feel like I am missing out on anything. I learned the reason sex was created is in the context of marriage, to prevent men from using you, and so that you can keep your mind clear of all the crap that men will try to feed you to get in your pants. When I think of past relationships of people I had sex with I think, what was it all for? I am not with them now.
It was about instant gratification or a temporary way to satisfy the flesh. Or thinking I can make a man be with me by having sex or fearing that he would break up with me if I did not have sex with him. Now it does not really matter. No one is worth me getting disrespected over like that again.
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality” (1 Thessalonians 4:3)
We have lost the meaning that it is supposed to be special. Woman and men were not meant for casual hookups (see my blog here). There are hormones that are released during sex which cause us to attached to one another emotionally. Therefore, if you are having sex with everybody, then it affects your ability to connect in a serious relationship in the long run. This is because you have become so use to having sex and turning off your emotions, you have become immune to a real connection. This is why BOTH men and women can have sex with whoever and walk away like it is no big thing.
I used to wonder what men would say about me being celibate until marriage since I have a child. Now I do not care what they have to say. My will to please God is bigger than my will to please them. If they cannot understand that then they are not the man for me. If a man is really of God anyway, then it should not be an issue. Right?
I know to some women, what I am saying is a foreign concept. But that is the world talking. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to pass yourself around. Any man that cannot accept that, cannot accept you.
Check out my video on why I Don’t Have Sex