Boyfriends and husbands are not the same. I am a firm believer that a woman should not be giving a boyfriend the privileges of a husband. If you have not read my blog on the difference between a girlfriend and a wife please click here to check that out.
To co-sign with my previous point. I do not care if you live together, if you have children together, or if you have met his family. I do not care how serious you are with your boyfriend, unless you have a legal binding document that connects you to together for life, he is not your husband.
When a man is your husband he is making a dedication to you, to be there for you for thick and thin. Not only is he verbalizing it but he is literally making it a law. When a man choses to marry you he is literally saying:
“I will chose to be here for you through hell and high water and I am pledging to do this though our marriage certificate that I know will stand up in the court of law.”
You know that I was going to take it here. I will address the elephant in the room and say no I am not a virgin. I have a child and he was not conceived by the Holy Spirit. So it is safe to say that I had sex before. But I no longer have sex and have been celibate for some time now. That is not say I do not enjoy sex, because I do. But the main thing is that I do not think that any man deserve my body unless he is willing to get married. Because sex with me is one of those privileges that come along with getting married. (Click my blog here about why I chose to be celibate).
Sex clouds your judgment. It makes you believe that a relationship is more than what it is, it makes a women believe that a man cares for her more than he does, and it can make a woman believe that she is in love when she really isn’t. Without sex, it forces you to talk and really see the man for what he is. There is no good sex to hide behind that will cloud your judgment. AND it will reveal a man’s true intentions. If he is just there for the sex and when he finds out you are not having sex with him, he will leave. If he wants to get to know you for you, then he will stay.
Sex is not a relationship (see my blog here on that). Sex is not everything. A true relationship that ends in marriage is about knowing each other BEYOND the bedroom and understanding that you have a mental connection that will stand the test of time.
I am so against playing house. I used to live with a boyfriend of mine and it was not good. I was the only one on the lease and all the bills were in my name. He had the freedom to walk out whenever he wanted to. And he did. When we broke up he left and that was that. Playing house is when you pretend to be husband and wife but you are not actually husband if wife. If you want to pretend so badly, then what is the harm of making it official? Often times playing house will lead you into years of being a pretend wife to a boyfriend that you live with. You may cook for him and clean for him, and he make you believe that he is your husband without actually being your husband. He has one foot in and one foot out. With my ex, he still did everything that he wanted to do. He would go out and come in at all times of the night. I would not know where he was or where he was going, and his excuse would be
“We are not married, I can do what I want.”
And what he was saying was true, because he was not really married to me and therefore had no real obligation to me. And here I was pretending to be a wife to a fictitious marriage.
When you get married there is no my money or his money. It really all just blurs together. When you married you should be making financial decisions together. You buy cars together and a house together. But with a boyfriend you should not be co-signing for him a car. Because if you break up it gives him the right to ruin your credit. He is not your husband. He does not care. I have a friend that is paying for her boyfriend’s mortgage to this huge house. Her philosophy is that she is making an investment on her future house. My philosophy is that she is making an investment on his house. She does not live there, her name is not on anything, and if he leaves her she would have invested thousands of dollars on a pipe dream that never materialized. To not give your boyfriend all access to your money.
A lot of women may not be feeling what I am saying. But trust me, it will save you a lot of heartache if you understand the difference between a boyfriend and a husband. If you want your boyfriend to be your husband then you need to be making steps to make that happen. Those steps does not include treating him like your husband, those steps include talking to him point blank and asking him
“Where are we going with this?”
Pay attention to his answer and you will quickly see if he plans on being your boyfriend or if he wants to transition into your husband. I cannot tell you have many men I have known that have proposed to a woman with no intention of making her his wife. He just wanted to lead her on so he could keep getting the benefits of a husband without actually making the commitment. The women that I have seen that really make a boyfriend into a husband, are transparent about what they want AND about what the man is not going to get unless he becomes a husband. AND she is willing to walk away from any man that wants to play games with her time. You know how the only saying goes.
Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?