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Are you in love, lust, and infatuation? The real question is do you know the difference between each of thing. The crazy thing about love, lust, and infatuation is that they can all resemble each other. A person can be so infatuated with someone that it may feel like love them or have such an intense physical connection that it feels like love when in fact they just like having sex with that person.
Infatuation can never love and lust can never love, they are not the same thing. You can remain on lust or infatuation for years but sooner or later the fact that you are not in love should become apparent to you. I will give you REAL LIFE example of people that I have seen in each. And you may see yourself or your situation in some of these examples.
I had a friend who was messing with this man for several years. The man was REALLY attractive, had a nice care, and made a lot of money. These are the things my friend “loved” about him. During the course of my friend messing with this man, he got another girlfriend, he moved in with this girlfriend, and then he finally got MARRIED to this girlfriend. Making her the wife and my friend the side chick. Throughout the several years of them interacting with each other he would promise her that she would be his girlfriend and that he would start a real relationship with her. But that never happened. Instead he got married to someone else. My friend never left him because all she saw was him being fine, with a six pack, a nice car, and a four bedroom house. And none of those things were for her because she was never his girlfriend and she not currently his wife. Someone else is.
The key to infatuation is when someone fantasizes on what COULD be, but does not see the situation for what really is. A man can promise to be in a relationship with you, but if he really wants to be with you then he would. Point blank period. Just like he wanted to make the other woman his girlfriend, wanted to move in with her, wanted to propose to her, and wanted to make her his wife; he made that happen. Infatuation, is when you hang for the possibility of love. When in reality the feelings are only one sided. You feel something for them, but they can care less about you.
How to Avoid Infatuation. Be real with yourself. Really sit down and ask yourself why you “love” this person. If it is because of their looks or who you think they are and not who they are then that is not love. After you come up with that answer, then asked yourself if they feel the same way about you. Once again, pay attention to what the other person does and not says. They can say they love you, but just wants to string you along. Is the love you give to them being returned, or are you just infatuated with the idea of what could be and not what actually is.
I once had yet another friend who was in lust with a men. They never went out in public, never went on a date, they never really did anything but have sex. The sex was so good that she hung on to this “relationship” for two years! And the only thing they did was have sex. That was there only real connection. The women came to her senses and realized that the only thing they had in common was good sex. But she did not want to let what they had go so she attempted to form a real relationship from a lust relationship. She was very disappointed to find that he did not want to talk to her, he did not want to date her, and if she was not having sex with him; he did not want to be around her.
The key to understanding lust is that physical attraction and sex changes things. Hormones are released when women have sex with men. Causing them to attach and making the woman think there is a love connection when to him it is just sex.
How to Avoid Lust: Do not have sex with anyone that you are not in a real monogamous relationship with. For myself I have chosen to be celibate until I get married (see blog here) and no I am not a virgin because I have a child. But sex can cloud your judgement. It can make you think a relationship is going somewhere when it is really going nowhere you all. To avoid lust, hold out on sex for a long as humanly possible. Hold out on sex until you have some type of serious formal commitment. That means engagement or marriage. Even being boyfriend and girlfriend does not guarantee that you are not in lust. Get to know the person in a non-sexual way. What they think, how they feel, what their goals are, do they want children, or do they even want to get married. Find out all the things that are important before you even have sex with them, that way to do not get sex confused love.
The most basic definition of love for me is this:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
If you ever want to know if you are in love then just go through this verse and compare the relationship you are in to this verse. It is important that you feel this way about this person BUT ALSO, that person feels the same way about you. When you love someone they are not going to hurt you, curse you out, cheat on you, or beat you. Someone who loves you will be with you through the good times and the bad; and even though they may get mad at you; their anger is not going to keep them from loving you. They are not going to lie to you and if you make them made one day, a month from now they should not be mad at you about the same thing.
Love is not just having sex with someone, and the sex being so good that you cannot walk away. That is lust.
Love is not being so obsessed with a person’s looks, money, car, house, or job that you feel that they are a good catch. That is infatuation.
Love is beyond of that.
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