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The Truth About Casual Hookups. Are You Having Sex Too Soon?

The world would have up believe that casual hookup are actually good for us.  As a result we have women who are having sex too soon with men and then trying to keep a man interested after sleeping with him.  When it doesn’t work out, they wonder why.  The answer to that question, is that you did not make a meaningful connection you just had a casual hookup, and while you see him as your future husband, he sees you as a girl he just had sex with, nothing more and nothing less.

Humans are different from animals because we can mate for life and sex is more than sex and it is a way to make a relationship stronger.  But if you are not in a relationship and you are only casually hooking up, sex is not going to make you stronger..  We should not go around randomly having sex with a bunch of people and not connect on a deeper level.  This is not what we, as humans were made for.

Understand that as women; scientifically we release hormones after sex that cause us to feel more attached to a person.  We were made to fall in love, and not jump from one person to the next with a whole slew of casual hookups.  It seems as if so many women and men are used to these “hook ups”  that even when they sleep with each other they do not know how to emotionally connect anymore.  They have learned to turn that part of themselves off.

Sex is supposed to be an extension of love or a deeper connection that you have with a person.  Yes its fun and it feels good. But it will feel a whole lot better if you actually love that person, want to grow with that person, and want a future with that person.  Not someone that after you are finish hooking up you have to leave or they leave and they do not even want to cuddle or touch you afterward.  If you are wondering to yourself “is he using me for sex,” he probably is using you.  If a man tells you that he doesn’t want a relationship but still wants to have sex with you, then understand that you are in a casual hook up situation, and nothing more.  So don’t try to convince yourself that this is how modern “relationships” work because it is not. Click here to read my blog on what is a real relationship and what is dating.

I have heard some women who do not want a relationship they only want sex and they somehow feel as though they are winning in these situations.  They tell me that when they are done they can just send the man about their own way, like they are the one getting the benefit or using him.  Umm no he is using you.  He is getting to have sex with you, have his satisfaction, and go home to girlfriend number 1-10 where he does the same thing with him and have the same type of casual hookup encounter with other women.
If you have a hard day and you want to talk to someone, you cannot even talk to him.  You cannot share things with him that you cannot share with anyone else.  You cannot experience the actual love part that goes on in the “love making” process.  I am sure the sex is like a porno.  No connection and just a bunch of pounding and roughness. But somehow, women seem to think that they are winning in this situation.  That this is good and that a casual hookup is something to strive for.

And men, they simply do not know any better.  One of my female friends went out with and slept with a man in which the sex was awful.  And she tried to talk to him about it and he said that he learned how to have sex from porn.  They soon broke up because of inability to be a boyfriend.  You see, this is where casual hookups gets you.  In fact I dated a man a few years back and he said that he had never been in love before.  He describe his sex as just a wham bam thank you mam type situation and did not feel anything was wrong with it.  In fact, he thought that is what a women enjoyed.  And why shouldn’t he think that.  Women were more than likely was having sex with him too soon and he practiced his porn star sex techniques and they both went home thinking that this is something strive for.  Casual hookups is the “thing” to do.

And this is truly sad.  Not only is it sad, but this is why our marriage and relationships are falling part.  Women if you want takeaway relationship advice from this, then take away this.  A casual hookup is not a relationships.  You cannot get married from a relationship like this.  When to people whose relationship is based off of sex try to get something serious going they can’t. When they have problems the do not know how to deal with them because they never had an emotional connection.

Beauty fades for all of us, I do not care how much plastic surgery you get.  And if people are basing their “relationships” off of beauty and sex alone, the they will never be fulfilled.  And human beings are not made like the animals around us, we are made to have emotional connections with one another.  To build some deeper and better that goes beyond animals in heat mating in the jungle.  We were made for monogamy, to love and be loved.  And when we except that, instead of having sex too soon or just having casual hookup with everyman that looks at us, then you will start have a more deeper meaningful relationship.


About Sophia Reed (295 Articles)
I am a single mother of one, Christian, and Lover of Life. I have a Master's degree in marriage and family therapy, I am a National Certified Counselor, and I am currently a PhD candidate in Human Behavior. I love motivating others and encouraging all women to be beautiful from the inside and out. To get in contact with me, you can email me at

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