In case you missed it I am doing a 30 day single Christian woman’s challenges inspired by this post on the Barn Princess Blog. Today is day 2 and the challenge is as follows:
Day 2: The Most Important Things
Write down the 3 most important things to you in a future husband. What is most important to you? Is it his looks? Is it his faith? Do you want him to family oriented? Do you want to him to make a lot of money? What are the 3 most important things that you are looking for in a husband? Limit it to just 3. You might have a longer list, but think about what is most important.
I will be honest as say that my list has changed over time. If you would have asked me this question in my early 20’s the list would have said something like
- Must be over 6 feet tall
- Must be very attractive.
- There must be sexual chemistry.
But as I got older and dated men like this I realized that it is more to a husband then these three things. How young and naive I was. Now my top three things look something like this:
Must be Financially Stable.
Call it gold digging, call it materialistic, call it whatever you want. But I do not care. As a single mother there have been many times I have been stretched to my financial limit. So as the only saying goes. I can do bad all by myself. I do not need another person’s financial hardship to add on to what I already have. I have already been taking care of me and my son, I do not need a third child. As harsh as it may sound it is my reality.
Financial stability does not just mean that he must come with a lot of money. A drug dealer or mafia boss can come with a lot of money. It is beyond that. It means that he has a career, is going in a positive direction in his career, has long terms goals, a retirement plan, and life insurance; just to name a few. I want a man that is responsible with his money, this way I know that he will plan for our family. The last thing I want is a man running out getting the latest pair of shoes or luxury car, leaving his family broke and without food for the month. No thank you. Which is why financial stability tops my list.
He must be a Christian
I am a Christian I have personal relationships with God and I want a husband that is going to understand that. I feel that when your husband is acting crazy, you may not be able to change him….but God can. When you go to God to pray about your husband, the only way the prayer is going to work is that if your husband actually believes in God. Plus I feel like a true Christian man should know how to treat a wife. There are Biblical principles that tell a man not to cheat on his wife, not to lust after another women, and to put his wife before all else. That is what I want, and further more I want a man that is going to understand that.
Must love my child as his own.
I am a single mother. My son’s father is not in his life. So any man that wants to love me, needs to love my child. There is no way that my child is going to be treated like a step child in his own home. Ideally, the man need to legally adopt my child and my child has to take on his last name if he wants me to change my last time. There is no compromising on this. I have a different last name as my mother AND I hated it growing up. So I promised that I would never do that to my child.
If a man does not love my child, then he does not love me, because my child is a part of me. That is the way I feel about it.
Now I know that there are only supposed to be three but I have to add one more:
I must be attracted to him and have sexual chemistry.
I know what you going to say. You thought I moved passed the vanity. Well I have in so many ways. But I would be I want to be attracted to my future husband. I want to like what he looks like and I want to be happy to fulfill my wifely duties in the bedroom, if you know what I mean. The main difference between then and now is that I know that sex and attraction is not the only thing to look for in a man. I understand that he can be attractive but still not be a right fit for me. So instead of looking for attraction first. I look go other characteristics of a husband, and then the attraction and sex is just an added bonus.
As a single woman who wants to get married, have you ever thought of what you want in a husband. If not, then you should. And you should ask God to gear you thoughts toward the type of man he wants you to have, not the type of man that you think you want. Check out my blog on how to pray for your future husband.