What does it mean to be unequally yoked in a relationship? To first answer that question I want to make sure you have a clear definition of what being equally yoked means verses being unequally yoked.
I will give you my definition of each and then we can go from there.
Is the formation of a relationship between two people that have similar things to offer each other and balance each other out.
Are relationships in which one person is giving more, being more, or has different beliefs than the other person. Leaving the relationship unbalanced.
Example of an Unequally yoked relationship include:
- He does not like children (and you have children).
- He is an atheist (and you believe in God).
- He does not have a job, car, and no motivation to do anything whatsoever, while you are a productive member of society.
The key to finding the relationship you want, is not to spend time on relationships that are not going to go any where also know as not spending time on unequally yoked people. Before you engage with someone, there is always signs that this person is crazy, a stalker, controlling, abusive, wants to use you for what you have, or does not have your same morale and values. The key is to weed out these men before you get invested. Because getting invested with an unequally yoked man will always cause your problems in the future. (Also check out my blog on relationship deal breakers).
Never get with someone that is unequally yoked with you.
For the Bible States:
“For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” 2 Corinthians 6:14
This poses a good questions. What does the darkness have to do with the light? What business does a good women have being with a bad man? Why should a faithful person be with a cheater? Why should someone who works hard be with a lazy person?
It makes no sense!
I can recall when I dated someone who was Muslim. He was a nice person, but I knew it would not work. We both wanted something that was completely different. His expectation for his future wife was for his wife to be in full Muslim dress, to cover her head, and to stop eating pork. You know how much I like doing things with my hair, so covering it public was not something I was willing to do. I think he felt he could change me, but once we went on a date and I ordered bacon and ate it right in front of his face, I think he got the picture. I was not willing to give up pork. Nor was I willing to go to the Mosque, give up Christmas, fast for Ramadan, or pray toward Mecca four times a day. That was not who I was, nor is it someone that I wanted to become. But all jokes aside, I am a Christian. It is the core of who I am. And if he could not get that part of me, then really he could not get me. His best bet is to find someone that would be open and willing to do those things with him. I was not, therefore I was not meant to be his wife.
The same can be said for wanting children. It amazes me, how many people get married and not talk about if they want children or not. This is
something that should have been discussed before hand, don’t you think? (Check out my blog on questions to ask before getting engaged). I cannot tell you people that I have counselled after they were married that they are just no discovering that one of them wanted children and the other doesn’t. I mean what are you talking about during the dating or courting phase. The whole point is for you to get to know one another and to see if your goals and life align with one another.
Everyone has flaws (check out my blog here). But if that person has so much baggage that you cannot accept it, then move on. The longer you stay with someone that is not the one, the longer you are holding off someone that could be the one. And the longer to stay with someone who is not equally yoked with you, the more you are compromising yourself and bring your own value down.
Now, I feel it is only fair to put at a disclaimer. Because some people can go overboard with this equally yoked thing. If I am going to answer the question What does it mean to be Unequally Yoked In A Relationship, I need to be real with you.
You need to be reasonable when discovering if someone is equally yoked with you are not.
Being unequally yoked is NOT:
- He must have less than 1% of body fat on his body because you have less than 1% on your body.
- He must talk to his mother everyday because you do.
- He must he fluent in 5 other languages because you are.
Let’s not get crazy. You are still two different people and you are going to be different. You need to realize that everyone have imperfections and they are not going to be your clone. Focus on the things that matter. A way to re frame the above statements to something that is realistic consist of:
- Fitness has to be important to him and he must take his health seriously.
- He must have family values.
- He must be open to other cultures or have experienced other cultures.
And even in the above instance I would not consider them deal breakers. Deal breakers would be:
- He has no job and never wants to get a job.
- He does not want children and you have to have children or you already have children.
- He is apart of the Klu Klux Klan and your black.