A Letter To My Future Husband ~ 5 Must-Have Traits

To listen to the blog post “To My Future Husband ~ 5 Traits He Absolutely Must Have” over reading it just click the play button below.

Have you ever heard of speaking things into existence? That’s how I feel when it comes to my future husband. The point that I am trying to make here is that it is so important to know, verbalize, and even write out the things you want. Even in a future husband.

For all, you single women out there is it so important not to just get into a relationship blind. If you want to get married it is very important to know what you need in a future husband and what type of person you want to be with to feel fulfilled in your marriage.

That is where the whole “to my future husband” concept comes into play.  I am going to list some of the requirements for my future husband to give you an idea of how a must-have list works.

Now I know that you may not want the same things that I want from a future husband. BUT I do believe that the things that I am asking for should serve as a general guideline on things that should be important to you. But first, check out this video on the traits of a good man that unmarried women should look for in a man, also subscribe to my channel by clicking here. 

For example, 

I will be honest and say that thing things I would say to my future husband have changed over time.  If you would have asked me this question in my early 20’s, the list would have been very superficial and pointless.  Nothing of value and nothing that makes up a real relationship. Like:

• Must be over 6 feet tall
• Must be very attractive.
• There must be sexual chemistry.

And because these are the things that I spoke into existence these were the type of men that I dated. And as you can see the fact that he has a nice body has nothing to do with him making a great potential spouse.  It just means he likes to work out.   So as I have matured I have learned how to pray for my future husband (see blog here) and what to look for in my future husband so that I am not sitting around wasting time with random men that have no potential of even leading into marriage.

1. To My Future Husband You Must be Financially Stable.

Call it gold-digging, call it materialistic, call it whatever you want.  I call it being a grown man that is preparing for a family. As a single mother, there have been many times I have been stretched to my financial limit.  So as the only saying goes.  I can do bad all by myself.  I do not need another person’s financial hardship to add to what I already have.  I do not need another child. As I spoke about in my video below, real men profess, PROVIDE, and protect.

Financial stability does not just mean that he must come with a lot of money.  A drug dealer or mafia boss can come with a lot of money.  It is beyond that.  It means that he has a career, is going in a positive direction in his career, has long terms goals, a retirement plan, and life insurance; just to name a few.  I want a man that is responsible with his money, this way I know that he will plan for our family.

The last thing I want is a man running out getting the latest pair of shoes or a luxury car, leaving his family broke and without food for the month. And the last thing I want is to have to wonder if our bills or if our mortgage is going to be paid.  No thank you.

A man that is financially stable shows that he is mature and that he is taking the right steps to provide a proper household for him and his family. If a man does not have that, then I think he needs to stop dating and take time to figure his own life out until he does.  How can he lead his family and teach them the right way to manage money, if he is not doing it himself.

2. To My Future Husband ~ He must be a Christian

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14 (NIV)

I am a Christian I have a personal relationship with God and I want a husband that is going to understand that.  I feel that when your husband is acting crazy, you may not be able to change him….but God can.  When you go to God to pray about your husband, the only way the prayer is going to work is that if your husband actually believes in God.

Plus I feel like a true Christian man should know how to treat a wife (Click here to read my blog on that).  There are Biblical principles that tell a man not to cheat on his wife, not to lust after another woman, and to put his wife before all else.  That is what I want, and furthermore, I want a man that is going to understand that me talking to God does not mean that I am suffering from paranoid schizophrenia.  In fact, I want him to be able to talk to God with me.

To illustrate my point, I want to take an excerpt out of my book that is specifically for Christian Single Women (click here to read more about the book). Also, if you like what you read, I want to give you the first chapter for free.  Just click here or the picture below to get it.

Anyway back to the excerpt from my book. 

For myself and for many Christian women, God guides your steps always (Proverbs 16:9). If a man is not listening to God, then who is guiding his steps? And if no one is guiding his steps, then where are you two going? You should want to be with a man that pushes you closer to God and not away from God. He could be the finest man that you ever did see, but if he is not a believer like you, then let go and let God. Do not try to “save his soul” to make him a good fit and do not throw Jesus out of the window because you want to be with him. You cannot change people; only God can.

As you mature in the relationship you know that looks fade; they are not everlasting (Proverbs 31:30). Who someone is on the inside is what is really going to make the relationship work. Take it from someone who knows. A six-pack will only get you so far. He may look good, the sex may be great, and you might love rubbing baby oil on his chest. BUT in the end what is he doing for your soul? How is he pushing you to grow as a person in God and what is he doing with his own soul.

3. To My Future Husband ~ Must love my child as his own.

To my future husband, I am a single mother, and accepting my child is a must.  I feel strongly about single mothers not kicking their kids to the curb for a man (Click my blog here to read more on that topic). My son’s father is not in his life.  So any man that wants to love me, needs to love my child.  There is no way that my child is going to be treated like a stepchild in his own home. There is no compromising on this.  If a man does not love my child, then he does not love me, because my child is a part of me.

Once again to best illustrate my point I want to take an excerpt from my Single Mom’s Devotional (click here to find out more about the book). Also, if you want to read the first chapter for FREE. Then click here or the picture below.

Excerpt from my Single Mom’s Devotional

A real man who loves you and is destined to be with you is not going to judge you because you are a single mom. If anything, he will embrace you AND your children, because your children came from you. It is sad to say that so many single mothers, in the effort to get married or to end their relationship status, jump into wrong relationships. But because they want to feel loved or wanted, they take attention from anyone. As a single mom, I need you to believe that God can pluck you from anywhere and even out of obscurity and that he will give you a king to be a good man and father figure to both you and your children.

4. To My Future Husband ~ Sexual Chemistry

To my future husband, I want to be attracted to you sexually.  I want to like what he looks like and I want to be happy to fulfill my wifely duties in the bedroom if you know what I mean.  In the Christian community, it can be so taboo to talk about sex. BUT God created sex, where do you think that babies come from?

If you are married God is not going to get mad because you want to have sex and enjoy sex. And therefore sex and physical attraction are on the list for me. I read the book “Girl Wash Your Face (click here to buy)” by Rachel Hollis (click here to read my full review) and she spoke about sex as a Christian married woman.

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Hebrews 13:4

What this means is that sex in the context of marriage pretty much anything goes as long as you are not hurting one another, hurting other people, and doing something against God.

I really like the part where Rachel said that she made it her and her husband’s goal to make her organism every time they have sex, sometimes twice if possible. She is a married woman and there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to enjoy sex with your husband.  Check out my video below where I talk more about this.

5. To My Future Husband ~ Must Be Equally Yoked

Being equally yoked for me goes beyond just us both being Christian. It means so much more than that and once again I am going to give you an excerpt from my Fix It Jesus! For Single Women Only book to show you exactly what I am talking about.

Being equally yoked means there is a relationship between two people that have similar things to offer each other and balance each other out. One person should not be leeching off the other. One person should not be bringing everything to the table while the other person brings nothing. This balance can come in all different types of ways, but essentially the relationship should NOT be unbalanced.  

What does the darkness have to do with the light? What business does a good woman have being with a bad man? Why should a faithful person be with a cheater?  Why should someone who works hard be with a lazy person? If you are a Christian, then yes you should seek out another Christian but that is a given. More than anything that are you bringing to the table? And are you looking for someone who can bring something similar?  There is no reason for your whole life to be a hot mess where there is nothing good about you and you have absolutely nothing going for yourself.

Once again you can click here to get the first chapter of my book for free.  

All I am really saying is that I want someone that is going to bring something to the table and that is going to love me as much as I love them no one wants to feel used or like they are putting more in a relationship than the other person.  Therefore, I want someone to match what I am willing to give, and trust me I am willing to give a lot.

As a single woman who wants to get married, it is important for you to know what you want and who you want. Learn your deal breakers (click to read my blog on deal breakers) and also learn what you need in a husband.  If you are lost, you should ask God to guide your thoughts toward the type of man He wants you to have. And check out my video on how to know if he is a good man based on these couples in the Bible.  Don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here. 

If you know an unmarried woman that may need to read this post then feel free to share it with her.