When I was a fresh faced college co-ed…I met a man. The man took me out on a date and got me a huge plate of lasagna. Within about 30 minutes I devoured the lasagna….all of it! And I didn’t care. And that is a side effect of too much self esteem.
The man looked over at me and said “dang, well I guess you are not shy about eating around men… are you?”
Until that point, I never realized that as a woman I was supposed to eat like a rabbit on a date. I assumed that if a man was taking me out to dinner I was supposed to come to dinner ready to eat.
This situation got me to thinking. How many women pretend to be something else for a man? Pretend they are a vegetarian when they really eat meat, they pretend to care about animals when they wear fur, or they pretend to care about politics when they do not even know who is running for president; all so that they can impress a man.
I have come to realize that I simply did not inherit the fake gene. I am going to say what I want to say, do what I want to do, and eat what I want to eat. I once made the assumption that all women were like this. Until I was told by several women in my life that I should just agree with what a man says… no matter if it is stupid or not. That I should be submissive and become a slave because that is how you keep a man. But I have learned that submissiveness does not equal slavery (Click here to read that blog).
I have been told that I am too independent and I should not be as opinionated as I am, because these traits will chase a man away. In other words, I should just dumb myself down because what man wants a woman that has an opinion, who is smart, who is too independent. Because God forbid, being too independent means that you can’t depend on a man.
I think my problem is that
I suffer from too much self esteem. I cannot imagine changing myself so that someone else would like me more. (Click to Tweet)
I cannot imagine pretending to be someone that I am not just so that I can have the privilege of calling myself his girlfriend. Call me crazy, but I tend to think that a man will just like me for who I am and if they don’t then they are not the man for me. But apparently, my ideology is foreign to most woman. To many woman you must be who the man wants you to be to get a husband, and the reason why I am still single is because I need to change who I am.
I am not becoming a vegan, vegetarian, anorexic, or an air head because a man wants me to. And if that means I am going to be single because of it, then by all means. The realization I have come to is that if you are pretending to be someone else and then you get married, then you are stuck pretending.
When you trap a man into falling in love with another personality you have created, you are stuck pretending be that person forever. And when you stop pretending to be that person, he will leave. Because he does not love you, he loves the person you pretended to be.
What if you thought you married a man who had a job, no kids, and was college educated BUT you really found out he is unemployed, has 7 baby mamas, and no GED. How disappointed would you be? As women, if we do not want to marry a fake then we should not become a fake in order to get married.
You cannot hide who you really are forever. And why would you want to. It is better to have someone fall in love with you for you; that way you do not have to spend the rest of your life pretending to be someone you’re not. In closing, take a lesson from my book, suffer from too much high self esteem. Think so much of yourself that you would not dare change who you are just to be in a relationship. Think of yourself as being so great. Know that the man for you will happily accept you, your back fat, that stretch mark you have on your right thigh, or even your huge appetite. Do not suffer from the fake gene, suffer from too much self esteem.