When I tell people that I am 30 and single (well 30 plus) and I am single and happy, they look at me as though I am a creature from another planet. It seems like when you tell people you are single, especially for us 30 and single people, they look at you as if you have just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. I am not saying that I want to stay single forever, but there are times when I love being single, and have learned that there are perks to being single as well. It is not all about waiting for your prince charming to come rescue you from a bad life.
For me, and I am sure many of you, “30 and single” women; my singleness bothers other people more than it bothers me. Even after all that I have accomplished or all that I seek to do, people do not see me as complete because I am in my 30’s, not married, and I am not in a relationship. This is mind blowing to me. Especially since I am single and happy. I do not see myself as defective so why do other people? When I was tired of being single I forced myself to be so many bad relationships with men I had no business being with, just because I was lonely. When I rid myself of that mentality, and started to maximize my time, I learned that there are advantages to being single.
During those times where I went through my “I am lonely and single phase” I was mopping around the house all depressed. But then I realized two things. The first, which I think many single Christian women can relate to, is that when I have God I am never alone and the second is if I cannot be happy as a single woman, then it is going to be very difficult for me to be happy with someone else. Even if you are tired of being single, you should still be able to make yourself happy. Relationships can bring you joy, but it is not other people’s responsibility to make you happy. It is yours.
Once I grasp this concept, that is when the single and happy mentality kicked it. I could be like other single Christian women who depended on God for their fulfillment. I used to not understand it, but the more, I focused on God and the path that He has for my life, the less single I felt. As my relationship with God grows, God shows me what type of man to look for. Which is a man in His image. Had I not known this information before, I would have settled for any “Joe” and had a bad marriage. In fact, my relationships before finding out what God wanted for me, turned out to be more of a headache than they were worth.
So while other people feel that being 30 and single, 20 and single, and even 40 and single is a sign that you are going to be an old maid, I see it differently. The perks of being single is an opportunity to know myself, what I want out of a relationship, and a chance to get on my God given path. It also gives me chance to mature and know what type of man is right me versus what type of man isn’t. Most importantly it made me realize and understand not to force relationships. I can say that out of all the relationships I tried to force, none of them came out right. Had I just trusted God and not gone about things on my own, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache.
In the midst of my singleness, I did not just chose to sit there. The perks of being single is that you have no one else to occupy your time. I got a master’s degree and now a PhD. If it was not for be being single then I may not be where I am today.
More than anything, what I to all of you single ladies to leave with, is that you must trust that there is a man out there for you. He could come now or 10 years from now. Either way, you should chose to be single and happy, not sitting there in depression mode because your tired of being single. Take my lead, I have chosen to keep doing what I feel I was called to do on this Earth. I am going to keep on being a good mother weather my son has a father or not. I am going to choose to be happy in my singleness. This is a foreign concept to many of those who feel they NEED a husband, but follow my instruction and see where it gets you. I can guarantee that once you get more content with yourself, that you will be happy no matter what your relationships status is.