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A lot of Christian women want to know how to be a good wife to their husband but also get caught up in the whole Biblical submission in marriage and get stuck on what that means. A husband and wife relationship is one of the most fulfilling relationships if done properly. There is nothing wrong with wanting to being a submissive wife but not wanting to be a slave to your husband. The Bible does mention submission as something that should be done in a Christian marriage. But submission does not mean house servant.
I would like to explain what Biblical submission in marriage is and is not.
- Being a submissive wife does not mean that you are going to be a maid, answering every little call of your husband.
- It does not mean that you are going to be his share cropper, indentured servant, sex slave, or any other form of slavery.
- It does not even mean that you have to agree with every little thing that comes out of his mouth.
You are a unique person, God made you this way. Submissiveness does not mean that you lose your personal identity and turn into a scene from the movie Coming To America. You know the one in the beginning where the prince was about to get married to his betrothed and the answer to all the prince’s questions were “ Whatever it is that you like.”
The prince did not like this about her in the movie and men won’t like it about you. No one wants a bobble head to say “ yes dear” to everything. So get that whole idea out of your head.
Now that you understand what Biblical Submission in marriage is not, let’s get into what it is. It is my personal opinion that no system can be effective if there are too many leaders. Everyone cannot want to be a leader in your household. This leads to utter chaos.
Let me explain it in a way that is easy to understand. We have a president this would be the equal to your husband. (Let’s not get into politics of what has or has not gone on with the president this is just an illustration).The president has the senate, congress, and all other type of systems to help him make informed decisions, but the president is still seen as the leader of the nation.
The other government agencies would be the wife. Even through the president is the leader of the nation, he will always take the opinions of the other organization around him into consideration for the good of the people (your household, kids, etc).
This means your husband or future husband should not ignore your opinion and do whatever he wants to do even if it is bad for the family. This is why it is so important to choose a GOOD husband, he will make the decision based off of everyone needs and not just his own. Because at the end of the day, as a wife you must go with his decision.
Why? May you ask. Because if you have a opinion on how something must be done and your husband has another opinion. You will just keep going back and forth over and over again and nothing will get solved.
So one person needs to be the designated head of household and whatever he determines the decision is, as his wife you agree with it. But your husband will never make a decision that is bad for you or the family. So even though he has the ultimate say so, as a wife your opinion is never insignificant, a good husband will consider the feelings and advice of his wife. Just like a president would also consider the opinion of the other government agencies.
Let me pull out a Bible verse to give you a better understanding.
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church” Ephesians 5: 28-29
Do you see here? If a man loves you like he loves himself. He should not abuse your submissiveness and use it for his own personal gain. No good, God fearing man should do that.
A good husband should always treat his wife like himself, and if he does not want to hurt himself then he should not want to hurt his wife. ( Click here to tweet).
Make sense? Christian marriage is not all about the woman doing what a husband wants her to do when he wants her to do it, and it is not being a servant that makes her a good wife. A Christian marriage is beyond all of that. There is a deeper meaning in being a submissive wife that should strengthen the husband and wife relationship not make it a chore.
Being a woman of God does not mean that God is sitting around wanting you to be a door mat that is stepped on all the time by your husband. Biblical submission in marriage should not be this dreadful thing you feel that you have to do because doing it will make you a good wife. It goes well beyond that mindset. It is a system that is set up to make the husband and wife relationship more cohesive not cause imbalance.
For married women who have married a selfish man and he does not consider your feelings. As a woman of God the biggest thing you have on your side is God. Go to God about it and pray that God speaks to his heart and change him.
For you single ladies, this is SO important what I am about to say. I do not want you to miss it. This is why knowing this as a single woman you are at an advantage. The reason being because you have to stop being SO DESPERATE to find a man that you remain objective.
When you met a man and get serious about him. Always look at how he treats you. If he is disrespectful and treats you like crap now, then he is not going to change when you two get married.
As a single woman you are still free to dump a loser and make the right decision to choose someone that God would chose for you.
For myself I am highly opinionated and independent. I am sure it will play against me no doubt when I get married. This is why I must be very careful in understanding the type of man that I want to submit to. As a Godly woman myself and someone who really wants to be a good wife, I want to submit to a man that respects my opinions and honors them as oppose to disregarding them and does what he wants to do. Once you understand that a husband and wife relationship is a bond in Christian marriage that works together for the betterment of yourself and for your marriage, the idea of submission will not bother you that much. And you husband would never require you to do something that he wouldn’t want his own flesh to do.