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I used to be the “what if” girl. You know the girl who was forcing a relationship that was never going to work out anyway. You know that you are the “what if girl” if with everyman you meet these thoughts go through your head.
- What if he is the one?
- What if I ruined the relationship?
- What if he does not call me back?
- What if I said the wrong thing?
The bigger question that I should be asking myself, is why I care? I have found a new set of skills that throws all of the “what if’s” out the window and replaced them with the “oh wells” and “who cares.” The “what if” mentality is creating a fake situation in your head, while the “oh well” girl accepts the situation for what it is.
Let’s take the following examples:
Example 1: When I am at the store and I see a fine man:
The “what if” girl would make her self-known to him because if he is “the one” she would not want to let him get away would she?
The “oh well” and “who cares” girl knows that if it was meant to be then it would be. She would go about her business, pay for her things, and leave. If he catches her on the way out, great, if not then oh well.
Example 2: An ex contacts me after several months or years of no contact.
The “what if” girl wonders what could have been. Goes down memory lane and reminisces about the past. The “what if” girl gets so caught up in what could have been and forgets what actually was. She forgets that he was jerk and that is why they broke up. Instead she thinks about “what if” they were still together.
The “oh well” and “who cares” girl does not care that her ex has contacted her. She may contact him back, two weeks later after he sends the text. Just to make sure he is not dead or something. The “oh well, who cares” girl keeps the conversation brief, make sure he knows that he does not have a chance in hell. And may text him a picture. Not to start a sexting relationship, but to show her face, how fly she is, and to let him know that he made a mistake when he left. The “oh well, who cares” girl does not have to have a conversation about it. She just sends a pictures and never talks to him again.
Example 3. A man has text you, you text him back and you do not hear from him for two weeks.
The “what if “girl wonders what she did wrong. Did she text something wrong? She blames herself for the man not contacting her. She then sends a text apologizing about anything she may have done to turn him off.
The “oh well, who cares” girl. Does not care. She is so busy doing her thing that she does not even notice that it has been two weeks since he has contacted her back. And when he does contact her back. She does not even know who he is because she did not bother to save his number in her phone any way. Because he has not earned that right yet. In fact after two weeks of no communication, she does not even bother texting him back. She knows that a man that wants to be with her, he would and evidently this man ain’t it.
I encourage each woman to stop forcing a relationship and become the “oh well girl” because the girl that does not sick and think of how situation could have gone and just accept the situation for what it is. I also recommend the book Why men Love B*tches and Why Men Marry B*tches, check out my book review here.