Why He Chose Her Over Me? & What You Should Do About It

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This is an age-old question that women ask is “Why He Chose Her Over Me?” And you may even be saying to yourself, he chose her over me and there’s nothing I can do. There is something you can do BUT before you go embarrassing yourself trying to get your ex back I want to ask you a question. 

But I will be sensitive and let you know that as a woman myself I can tell you that we have all been there.  We have an ex that married another woman a few months after they broke up with us.

Or a man that cheated on you and he still chose another woman over you even though you are the one who got cheated on! Or even a man that treated us like dirt and when he got with her he treats her like a goddess. It is hard to love a man that you thought was your man, but he chooses someone else. 

If you are in the mind frame of he chose someone else over me AND now I am going to get him back.  Your life may look something like stalking his social media, doing drive-by’s of his house or even stalking her social media channel.  Making a complete fool of yourself. You want to know about her, what she looks like.

Do we want to try to understand why did he choose her over me?  When you see her, you are smarter than her, look better than her, and you feel you are obviously the best choice. I am no psychic and cannot look into your individual situation,  but what I can do is try to shed some light for you so that you can understand.

But before we get into the post check out my video below on why you should NEVER EVER compete with another woman over a man. Plus, don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here. 

Why Did He Choose Her Over Me? 3 Very Likely Reasons

Why He Chose Her Over Me? #1 It Is Not You But Him

The first thing you must do is to get into the maturity of the man.  For example, if a man is just dating and not looking to be serious then he is always going to hop around from woman to woman and there is no reason trying to wreck your brain to figure out why he is choosing another woman over you.  There is a difference between a real relationship and just hooking up (see my blog here).

There is a difference between a real man and a man that just wants to be a dog going from woman to woman not wanting something serious. So while he may just be dating you, he may not have been in a relationship with you.

And if he was just dating you and not trying to get into a relationship with you then you should have seen this coming. Because that shows a lack of commitment. If he was in a relationship with you it is possible that you were not it for him and he was just buying his time with you until he found someone else.  And that someone else is the person that he wanted to be in a relationship with.

Why He Chose Her Over Me? #2 You Don’t Do It For Him

• But what about the man that says he is ready to settle down, get married, and he still chooses another woman over you?

• What about when he dumps you for someone else and then marries another woman?

That is what confuses us.  Here we were, dating him for 3 years, and waiting for the ring when he comes home to tells us he is in love with someone else and then six months later he marries her!  I think a feasible explanation comes down to this.

From what I have seen emotionally healthy men who are ready to get married choose the woman who they feel will make the best wife to them.  So although you may think you are the obvious choice he may be looking for something different. There is a difference between a woman who wants to be a wife and who is a wife (click my blog here to learn more).

You may not be someone that he wants to take a wife, perhaps it is something about you are your personality.  Or you could be the perfect woman but for whatever reason, he just does not see you as the woman for him.

He may have said that he wants a relationship and that he is looking for something serious while knowing all along that he does not see you in his future. When he moves on and finds a woman that he does see as wife material (for whatever reason) that is the person he chooses.

And the fact that he was with you for so long means nothing.  He was just biding time with you so that he could have a girlfriend. When really he was waiting for another woman, that better suits his needs, to come along.

I know it is a hard truth to accept, but that is just how it is. That is why it is so important to never give a boyfriend husband benefits (read my blog here) because he is not your husband and you will walk away feeling jaded if he leaves you for a woman that he does want to make his wife.

Why He Chose Her Over Me? #3 It is you and not him

I would love to tell each and every one of you out there reading this that you are perfect and it is him that does not see your value. When the reality of the situation is that you are just not the better woman.

You may nag, be crazy, argue all the time and he may be looking at the other woman and in his eyes, he sees her as a harder work, better wife, better mother, being a good person, being trustworthy, or in short, he just may see her as something that he is looking for in a wife.

He may see something in her that he does not see in you.  Or with some of the men these days, he may have chosen her off the simple fact that she may be more physically attractive or can do 1,000 tricks in the bedroom that you can’t do.

I am not encouraging you to go invest in Karama sutra to learn to be better in bed to trap men BUT more than anything you want to take a hard look in the mirror about if you are the reason why he does not want to be with you by the way that you act and how you mismanage your life.

If none of these answers answer your questions of “why he chose her over me?” Then you may never get your answer. And so my response to you would be why do you even care at this point.

If a man does not want you, then why do you want him.  If he cannot see the value in you, then that is his problem.  Not yours.

Always remember do not want or chase a man that does not want you or see your worth. The fact that he chose someone else over you should not stop your life or should not make you feel bad about yourself. Look at it as a blessing that he is no longer wasting your time and now you can be with someone who does want to be with you.

Also, check out my video below.  Likes it says in Proverbs 31 a good woman is worth more than rubies and if he does not see or understand your worth this video explains what to do about.  And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.

Why He Chose Her Over Me? Final thoughts? 

1. Because she is more of a “wife material” than you.
2. Because she fits into his life better than you.
3. Because he does not see the value in you and who you really are.
4. Because she is the woman of his dreams and your not.  No matter how dysfunctional she may be.
5. Because he can’t recognize a good woman if she was standing right in front of him. 
6. Because he likes jumping from woman to woman. 
7. Because you are not a good woman and she is.  In which case you should focus on getting your life together. 

Why He Chose Her Over Me?  What does it matter that he chose her over you?  He may have cheated on you, he may have dumped you for someone else.  But it does not matter,  and you cannot and should not try to beg for a man to come back to you or see the value in you when it doesn’t.

Why would you want to?  Instead, wait for a man who will choose you, and that sees you as his first choice and only choice (see my blog here on waiting for a man versus chasing a man).  Never be a man’s second winner up. And instead of worrying about him worry about you. Create a bigger and better life for yourself and never make him think that your whole life is falling apart over him.

If you know another woman that needs to read this post then don’t be selfish share this information with her.

Plus, I have a book for single women that can help you get a man that you do deserve, just click here to get and or you can click here to get the first few chapters for free.