This is an age old question that women ask is “Why did He Choose Her Over Me?” And my the question that would like to ask all of these women are why do you care. But I will be sensitive and let you know that, as a woman myself I can tell you that we have all been there. We have an ex that married another woman a few months after they broke up with us. Or a man that cheated on you and he still chose another woman over you even though you are the one who got cheated on! It is hard to love a man that you thought was your man; who confesses that he is in love with someone else.
Instead of getting over it, you social media and Facebook stalk the other woman. We want to know about her, what she looks like. We want to try to understand why did he choose her over me? When you see her, you are smarter than her, look better than her, and you feel you are obviously the best choice.
So many questions run through your mind!
- What does he see is her?
- Why did he choose her?
- Why did he cheat on me with her?
- Why did he have an affair with her?
- What does she have that I don’t have?
- Is something wrong with me?
I am no psychic and cannot look into your individual situation, but what I can do is try to shed some light for you so that you can understand. The first thing you must do is to get into the maturity of the man. For example, if a man is just dating and not looking to be serious then he is always going to hop around from woman to woman and there is no reason trying to wreck your brain to figure out why he is choosing another woman over you. There is a difference between a real relationship and just hooking up (see my blog here). So while he may just be dating you, he may have not been in a relationship with you. Meaning that he was just buying his time with you until he found someone else. And that someone else is the person that he wanted to be in a relationship with.
Also, know that some men just want to hook up with everyone. That is just their pattern. There is always going to be another woman for him to choose because that is how he is. The issue is him and not you.
But what about the man that says he is ready to settle down, get married, and he still chooses another woman over you?
What about when he dumps you for someone else and then marries another woman?
That is what confuses us. Here we were, dating him for 3 years, and waiting for the ring when he comes home to tells us he is in love with someone else and then six months later he marries her!
I think a feasible explanation comes down to this.
From what I have seen emotionally healthy men who are ready to get married choose the woman who they feel will make the best wife to them. So although you may think you are the obvious choice he may be looking for something different. There is a difference between a woman who wants to be a wife and who is a wife (click my blog here to learn more).
So why you are busy playing wife he is just busy playing you knowing all along that he does not see you in his future. And when he finds a woman that he does see in his future, out the door you and in with the next woman that he does see a future
And the fact that he was with you for so long means nothing. He was just biding time with you, so that he could have a girlfriend. When really he was waiting for another woman, that better suits his needs, to come along. I know it is a hard truth to accept, but 9 times out of 10 that is just how it is. That is why it is so important to never give a boyfriend husband benefits (read my blog here) because he is not your husband and you will walk away feeling jaded if he leaves you for a woman that he does want to make his wife.
And so your next question maybe why did he choose her over me as his wife? Why am I not wife material in his eyes.
He may choose another woman over you because, in his eyes, he sees her as a harder work, better wife, better mother, being a good person, being trust worthy, or in short he just may see her as something that he is looking for in a wife. He may see something in her that he does not see in you.
Or with some of the men these days, he may have chosen her off the simple fact that she may be more physically attractive or can do 1,000 tricks in the bedroom that you can’t do.
If none of these answers answer your questions of “why he chose her over me?” Then you may never get your answer. And so my response to you would be why do you ever care at this point.
If a man does not want you, then why do you want him. If he cannot see the value in you, then that is his problem. Not yours. (Click to Tweet)
It should not make you feel bad about yourself, it should just make you understand that you may not fit into his life the way he needs a woman to fit in his life.
So why did he choose another woman?
- It could be because she is more of “wife material.”
- It could be because she fits into his life better than you.
- It could be because he does not see the value in you and who you really are.
- It could be that even though nothing is wrong with you, she is the woman of his dreams and your not. No matter how dysfunctional she may be.
What does it matter that he chose her over you? He may have cheated on you, he may have dumped you for someone else. But it does not matter, and you cannot and should not try to beg for a man to come back to your or see the value in you when it doesn’t. Why would you want to? Instead, wait for a man who will choose you and that sees you as his first choice and only choice (see my blog here on waiting for a man versus chasing a man). Never be a man’s second winner up.