Women with daddy issues is something that has run rampant in so many women. Having daddy issues can affect your relationship with men, who you marry, how you act toward men, your self-esteem, what you tolerate from men, and a whole slew of other things. With women with daddy issues, you never know how their daddy issues will manifest in their life, it can really depend on the relationship they have with their father.
Before we continue on with this post I want to tell you that I have had an absent father all of my life. I think the last time I saw him was when I was two years old and I am in my 30’s now. I think he tried to formulate some type of halfhearted attempt to have a relationship throughout some of my life and it never took flight.
I am giving you this history because I want all women with daddy issues to know that I am in a prime position to have daddy issues, but I am fortunate enough to have conquered them so that these issues not haunt me. It is possible to get over your daddy issues if you really want to. What I am about to write on how to conquer your daddy issues is very straight forward and it may seem like I am being unempathetic at times. But I am a firm believer that the truth will set you free, and I must be truthful with you in order for you to confront your daddy issues straight on.
Women with daddy issues ~ Recognize It
Having an absent father can lead to daddy issues, also having a bad relationship with one’s father can lead to daddy issues, a bad father or an emotionally/physically abusive father can lead to daddy issues. Just because you have a father in your life does not mean that you are exempt from daddy issues, it can happen to any woman that has had issues with their daddy.
The important thing that women must know about their relationship with their daddy is that most women tend to gravitate toward men that are like their father. So if they never had a father or had a bad father, this can be damaging because the type of men they will gravitate toward are men who will hurt them.
Having daddy issues can lead you into bad relationships, being promiscuous, being with men just like your father, or it can keep you from a relationship all together. The first thing that you must know when figuring out how to heal your daddy issues is how your daddy issues are affecting you. It can be hard to fix something that you are unaware of. Once you know
the extent of your daddy issues and how they are making you act out, that is when the healing process can begin.
Women With Daddy Issues Remember You are the victim
Often times women with daddy issues want to blame themselves. They want to tell themselves that something is wrong with them as for the reason why their dad did xyz. I need you to stop that thinking. You are the child in the situation and the father is supposed to be the parent or the responsible one. You are not at fault because your dad could not be a father, because he left, because he hit you, because he did not like you, because he did not love you, or because he was not there.
All of these things are decisions that he made and he is the sole reason for them not you. I do not care what he said to you or how he made you feel, if he wanted to be there then he would. Do not continue to beat yourself up or continue to make yourself feel bad for something that HE did that had nothing to do with you. You did not ask to be made and you did not ask to be here. He took a part in making you in however it is you were conceived.
His issues with you are not your fault so do not blame yourself and tell yourself that there is something you must have done to make him not want to be a good dad for you. That is simply not true. And even if you did do something, no child is perfect we all make mistakes. It is the responsibility of any good parent to parent and love their child through the mistakes that they make.
Women With Daddy Issues ~ You Can’t Make Him Do Anything He Does not Want to Do
Often time women with daddy issues, especially those who are still in contact with their daddies, try to make their daddies be what they want them to be. They try to change or bend over backward to please their fathers. And as a result it is like they are beating their head against the wall because no matter what they do, the reaction from their father is still the same.
If you are a reader of my blog then you know I said it time and time and time again. The only person you can control is yourself. You cannot make your father love you, call you, or spend more time with you. You cannot make him value you. You can be the president of the United States and if your father is bent on being a bad father then none of that is going to matter.
So why beat yourself up for something that you cannot change and no matter how much you try to change it is all going to be the same anyway. He is going to be the same and it is possible that nothing you do is going to change that. You cannot make him do anything he does not want to do or be anything he does not want to be. People have free will to do what they want and just because you want them to do something, even if what you want them to do is the right thing, they can still choose to do the wrong thing.
It does not mean that it is your fault and it does not mean that you are not loving them enough. It just means that this person is making a decision to do something and it really has little to nothing to do with you. And if you think that it does have something to do with you then refer back to number one, you are not the victim. They are the parent and you are the child (no matter how old you are) you are still their child.
Women with Daddy Issues ~ Get Over It
I know that this is easier said than done, but really the best way to get over daddy issues is just to get over it. I wrote about this in how you must accept the things you cannot change (click here to read). No matter how much you want to go in the past, change the past, or relive the past you can’t. So why do you still live in the past? Why are you still allowing the past to come back and haunt you and dictate your future?
The best way to get over daddy issues is you have realized that whatever happened in the past with your father happened in the past. It is best to forgive but it does not mean you forget (click my blog here). Whenever something has happened to us, daddy issues included, it is meant for us to learn from those interactions. It is not good for us to allow those past things to continue to define us, who we are, and what we do. Even though the past hurts, we can learn to heal from the past by accepting it, learning from it, and not allowing it to negatively impact our future or where we are going.
Women with Daddy Issues Stop Trying To Earn His Love
You cannot make anyone love you ever. I do not care if it is your father. You cannot earn someone’s love. Your father should love you, but if he doesn’t then oh well. Do not sit and try to make him love you or go back in your childhood and make him behave like a father toward you. I wrote about how I love my son (click here for that post). In it I said, I love my son because he is my son; point, blank, period. He does not have to try to make me love him or do things to earn my love. I just love him.
It is the same with your father. Do not try to go back in time earn your father’s love, do not try to go to another man and earn another man’s love to make up for your father’s love, and do not bend over backward now thinking that there is something you can do to make your father love you now. All that is going to do is lead you into bad relationships, frustration, and turmoil. It can hurt when people who are supposed to love us, does not love us, but once again that is their problem not your problem, and you have to let that go.
I know that a woman having father issues is something that many women struggle with and it feels like it will never get better. It will, if you allow it to get better. You can control you and you can control what you allow effect you. So you can choose how long you allow your daddy issues effect you and if you get over them or not. You will if you really want to. Having daddy issues, is a bad situation, but it is not an excuse for you to remain victim of allowing daddy issues to affect you all of your life. Especially when it is in your power to change it.