What To Do When Love Doesn’t Love You.

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pinloveHave you ever felt like you were getting into relationships that were destined to fail? Have you ever felt like you kept loving people who did not love you back?  Have you ever felt that you have been single for too long and you are never going to find someone that is deserving of you love?

Have you ever felt that love is avoiding you like the plague?

The first thing you have to realize is that you are only in control of yourself. You cannot control who you meet, who is attracted to you, or the way someone treats you.  What you can do is control what you accept, who you get serious with, and you can determine that you will walk away from a relationship if it is toxic to your own wellbeing.

Many people feel that they have bad luck in love. But often times the people that we fall in love with is a reflection of ourselves and our own insecurities.  For example, if you are so hell bent on finding a man.  That desperation will show.  It would be like you have an X on your forehead asking for doggish men to come seek you out.  And the reason for that is because you act desperate, you dress desperate, and you give off the desperation vibe.  So men who are doggish will come to you because they know for a fact that they will be able to get what they want out of you and that you will accept everything.

So it is not really that love does not love you, it is more like you are trying to force love where it should not be. And since love was never meant to be there in the first place, love never happens for you.  And that makes you believe that you are cursed, when sometimes you are actually attracting these things to yourself.

I know those are harsh words. But many times it is the truth.  Aside from my education in the area of relationships, I have been in terrible relationships.  I mean really bad ones that I thought it was my punishment to be dogged out by men.  But I learned that it wasn’t.  I could chose not to get involved with these men.  And the secret to learning not to get involved with these men is to look beyond what they are telling you and to look at what they are actually doing.

Anybody can say that they love you, they want to marry you, or that the woman they cheated on you with means nothing to them. That does not make it true, if they are staying out all night, calling and texting women behind your back, or if they are unwilling to get into a monogamous relationship with you.  They may be saying one thing, but they are showing you something else.  And that is the key to understanding why love does not love you, is realizing the love that you are looking f9611147 - depressed woman smoking and drinking in messy kitchenor is not meant to come from that person that you think you love. The second key is not to give your love out so freely.  Only chose to love those who have earned your love and have proven themselves worthy.

You may be saying to yourself.

Okay, Sophia. I am single and I have no prospects of being in a relationship. Every date that I go one the man never calls me back or no man ever approaches me.”

Now this may sound harsh but I am going to shoot straight with you. If every man breaks up with you, does not want to go on a second date with you, or does not want to give you the time of day. Then it may be something that you are doing.  Every man cannot be wrong about you.  It is time to turn the mirror on yourself and reflect what it is about yourself that is turning people off.

If you are not getting a second date (read my blog here) on things that you should not be doing. If you are not getting anyone to come up to you at all.  Then you need to reflect on how you are stepping out of the house.  I know what you may be thinking:

Why should I get all dolled up for a man?”

Your right, do not get all dolled up for a man. Get dolled up for you.  And you really have to look at it this way.  I feel that a man should love all you, including your personality.  BUT if you come out of the housing looking like you have bad personal hygiene.  No man is going to come up to you.  The thing that makes most people come on to a woman is that something about her physically must peek his interest first. Once he is interested in something about you physically, that is when he wants to know you on a deeper level.

Let’s say you have the opposite effect. You have men that come on to you but you are not able to keep them around.  Then you may have one of three problems.

8215049 - happy young sexy woman dressed in black lingerieThe first is that you are dressing too sexy and it is hard for the man to take you seriously because you ooze sex. It is great to look sexy, it is bad for a man to mistake you for a prostitute.  If they think you are a prostitute then that is how they will treat you.

The second issue is that you lack substance. A man may be attracted to your outside, but you may lack substance on the inside.  You may not have anything real to talk about or you may just talk about sex which will not keep a man in the long run.  They may laugh and think it is cute, but you cannot build a real meaningful relationship off what you look like, you have to have something on the inside to back it up.

Third issue, is that you may be giving it up way to soon. Men judge women on how fast they give it up.  They may lie to you and tell you that they are not judging you, but deep down they are judging you.  So having sex with a man before you really know him, his intentions, or within the first 24 hours of knowing him, is wrong.  And it will push most men away.

I feel that everyone deserves to love and be loved, but the secret to it is going about it the right way.

 

About Sophia Reed (318 Articles)
I am a single mother of one, Christian, and Lover of Life. I have a Master's degree in marriage and family therapy, I am a National Certified Counselor, and I am currently a PhD candidate in Human Behavior. I love motivating others and encouraging all women to be beautiful from the inside and out. To get in contact with me, you can email me at sophiareed@sophie-sticatedmom.com

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