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It is important to know what questions to ask on a first date so that you do not end up wasting your time going on a second date, if the guy is not for you. A good practice in dating, is that you want to know the important stuff about a man upfront, that way you do not waste your time dating someone that is all wrong for you. But there is a key to questions to ask on the first date and it is important not to come across like an FBI agent interrogating someone like they committed a crime. More than anything when you are going through your first date questions, you want the conversation to flow naturally and in the process, you want to keep your ears open for any red flags they may be saying during the course of the conversation.
So here are Important Questions To Ask On a First Date
You want to know if he has a job, if he is in between jobs, if he sells drugs, of if he works for the mafia. After he answers what he does for a living, ask minor follow up questions. Although, it sounds crazy I have had a man lie about his job. He told me he was a principal as a special needs school. The crazy thing about this is that I had interview for a mental health position at the same school a few months ago, with the principal, that was not him.
I did not accuse him of lying, I just asked follow up questions. “Oh how long have you been doing that?” “Do you like that you do?” “And how did you become principal?” Notice that I did not say “Your lying I had an interview there a month ago.” It was just a fluid conversation, and based on his answers I could tell he was not being truthful because he had to think of things to say to answer my questions. I did eventually tell him that I had an interview there, and his face was priceless.
Another true story is that once I dated a barber. There is nothing wrong with barbers but was wrong was that he did not have any health insurance despite having health issues, he did not have a plan of what he wanted out of life for the future (i.e starting his own business or what). He did not really know if he wanted to be a barber forever or what he wanted to do in five years. He really did not have a clear indication of where he wanted to go.
This was problematic for me. I really wanted a man who was goal oriented and career oriented, since that is how I am. And really it just showed a lack of planning on his part, if you know you have medical issues why not have a job that offers some type of medical benefits.
So in short ask about their job, ask follow up questions about their job, and listen to what they are telling you so that you can gauge if it is true or not? You also want to know if they are a career oriented person or if they are flying by the seat of their pants.
The whole purpose of dating questions is to determine if this is someone you want to continue dating, so if they tell you that they do not have a job or lack direction in their life as a whole, then that should focus. And more than likely if they lack direction in the job field, then would not be able to provide for a family or a wife in the near future. So if your goal is marriage, then why waste time with someone who you know would not be prepared for marriage for a very long time.
Questions To Ask On a First Date ~ Do you have children?
Having children can be a deal breaker for some people, so it is better to know if they have children up front and this would also be a good time to tell them if you have children; because that could be a deal breaker for them.
Remember have a date conversation, and some great follow up questions would be how many children to you have and how old are they? Someone could say yes they have children but there is a difference between having one child and having seven children.
Seven children would be a deal breaker for me whereas one child is not. Also having a 10 year old child is not the same as having a 2 week old child. A two-week-old child means that he just got out of a relationship or it may still be in one with the mother of his child. If his child is that young, then that is where his focus should be on a new born baby not finding another woman.
Other good follow up questions would be how often does he see his children. A huge red flag is if a man has kids that he does not see or does not take care of his children. This is a character flaw. If a man does not take care of his own flesh and blood how can he take care of a woman in a relationship. And why would you want a man that is a bad father anyway.
You also want to know if a man has full custody or shared custody. It will help you know where you would fit into his life if you continue dating. For example a man will full custody of his children will probably require setting dates in advice so he can find a baby sitter or something. It is good to know this things so you can have a good idea of how your relationship will flow, what type of father he is, and if this is something you can deal with.
Questions To Ask On a First Date ~ What Do You Want out of Life or What Are Some of your goals?
Goals can change over time, but really, this is just a question to get to know the person better. It will tell you if they are a planner or if they have flying by the seat of their pants. It may even tell you where you fit into the equation. If a man tells you that within a 1 year, he wants to go back backing around Europe for a year before settling down. There is nothing wrong with that, but it may also mean that it does not want a serious relationship.
If he says that he wants to be a preacher and have his own church, you need to determine if you continue dating him if want to be a first lady of a church, and you need to determine if that is something you would want. If he says “I don’t know” or “I don’t care.” For me personally that is a turn off. I have dated a guy who did not know what he wanted in life or what his goals were for the next year. He did not have a great job and was also unwilling to have a plan for a more secure job, and he didn’t care. That is fine for him, but it is not fine for me. But for you it may be. When you ask this question, you have to be the one to determine if you are willing to deal with whatever answer they give you.
So these are some basic questions to ask on a first date. More than anything you want to have a date conversation, that flows naturally so that you are both learning about each other.
Questions To Ask On a First Date No Nos
Religion: So I do not follow my own rule, I will sometimes talk about religion and it has never steered me wrong. Most men find it interesting. But I know how to talk about it tastefully, I am secure in my beliefs, and even if they don’t agree with me,
I know how to respect their opinion; not argue, even if it not what I believe. But as a general rule stay clear of it. You can ask them, if they have a religion or if they go to church. Especially, if finding a guy that is of a certain religion is important to you.
But do not go into detail about it just yet, once you start dating more, I suggest you talk about it. Religion can be a deal breaker for some people. Myself included. So it is important to talk about, but at the right time.
Politics: Just don’t do it. It can start an argument and that’s the last thing you want. You want to get to know each other, not fight other.
The Ex: There is no need to talk about an ex, they are in the past, so do not discuss them.
If they are dating anyone else: You are going on a first date, it is safe to assume that because they do not really know you, they are dating someone else. And you cannot get mad about it there is a different between dating and a relationship (click here to read my blog on that topic). They are just going on a date with you because they want to get to know you. But they do not know you just yet and so you cannot expect them to be in a relationship with you if you are just going on one date.
Sex: Do not talk about sex, do not have sex, and do not talk about how many people you had sex with. Sex should not come out of your mouth at all during a first date.
I really hope that these questions to ask on a first date help you out so that you have a happy first date or it can help you determine if this person is a waste of your time. It is better to know the important stuff up front instead of waiting 6 months down the line. So Happy First Dating.