First date questions are very important. It will help you determine if you want a second date or if this person is just a complete waste of your time. Good dating advice for women is that you want to know the important stuff about a man upfront, that way you do not waste your time dating someone that is all wrong for you. But there is a key to first date conversation, and that is that you do not want to come across drilling the person like they are in an interview. You want the date conversation to flow naturally and in the process, you want to keep your ears open for any red flags they may be saying during the course of the conversation.
So here are the top first date Questions You Should Be Asking
You want to know if he has a job, if he is in between jobs, if he sells drugs, of if he works for the mafia. After he answers what he does for a living, ask minor follow up questions. Although, it sounds crazy I have had a man lie about his job. He told me he was a principal as a special needs school. The crazy thing about this is that I had interview for a mental health position at the same school a few months ago, with the principal, that was not him. I did not accuse him of lying, I just asked follow up questions. “Oh how long have you been doing that?” “Do you like that you do?” “And how did you become principal?” Notice that I did not say “Your lying I had an interview there a month ago.” It was just a fluid conversation, and based on his answers I could tell he was not being truthful because he had to think of things to say to answer my questions. I did eventually tell him that I had an interview there, and his face was priceless.
So in short ask about their job, ask follow up questions about their job, and listen to what they are telling you so that you can gauge if it is true or not?
The whole purpose of dating questions is to determine if this is someone you want to continue dating, so if they tell you that they do not have a job, then perhaps they should be focusing on getting one and not focusing on you.
Do you have children?
Having children can be a deal breaker for some people, so it is better to know if they have children up front and this would also be a good time to tell them if you have children; because that could be a deal breaker for them. Remember have a date conversation, and some great follow up questions would be how many children to you have and how old are they? Someone could say yes they have children but there is a difference between having one child and having seven children (I did go out with a guy who told me he had seven children by the way). Seven children was a deal breaker for me, while one child was not, so I did not continue to date him. Also having a 10 year old child is not the same as having a 2 week old child. A two-week-old child means that he just got out of a relationship or it may still be in one with the mother of his child. If his child is that young, then that is where his focus should be on a new born baby not finding another woman.
What Do You Want out of Life or What Are Some of your goals?
Goals can change over time, but really, this is just a question to get to know the person better. It will tell you if they are a planner or if they have flying by the seat of their pants. It may even tell you where you fit into the equation. If a man tells you that within a 1 year, he wants to go back backing around Europe for a year before settling down. There is nothing wrong with that, but it may also mean that it does not want a serious relationship. If he says that he wants to be a preacher and have his own church, you need to determine if you continue dating him if want to be a first lady of a church, and you need to determine if that is something you would want. If he says “I don’t know” or “I don’t care.” For me personally that is a turn off. I have dated a guy who did not know what he wanted in life or what his goals were for the next year. He did not have a great job and was also unwilling to have a plan for a more secure job, and he didn’t care. That is fine for him, but it is not fine for me. But for you it may be. When you ask this question, you have to be the one to determine if you are willing to deal with whatever answer they give you.
So these are some basic good date questions you want to start off with. More than anything you want to have a date conversation, that flows naturally so that you are both learning about each other.
Now here are some areas you want to stay away from:
Religion: So I do not follow my own rule, I will sometimes talk about religion and it has never steered me wrong. Most men find it interesting. But I know how to talk about it tastefully, I am secure in my beliefs, and even if they don’t agree with me, I know how to respect their opinion; not argue, even if it not what I believe. But as a general rule stay clear of it. You can ask them, if they have a religion or if they go to church. But do not go into detail about it just yet, once you start dating more, I suggest you talk about it. Religion can be a deal breaker for some people. Myself included. So it is important to talk about, but at the right time.
Politics: Just don’t do it. It can start an argument and that’s the last thing you want. You want to get to know each other, not fight other.
Exes: There is no need to talk about an ex, they are in his past, so do not discuss them. Also reframe talking about your ex.
If they are dating anyone else: You are going on a first date, it is safe to assume that because they do not really know you, they are dating someone else. And you cannot get mad about it there is a different between dating and a relationship (click here to read my blog on that topic).
Sex: Do not talk about sex, do not have sex, and do not talk about how many people you had sex with. Sex should not come out of your mouth at all during a first date.
I really hope that these first date questions help you out so that you have a happy first date or it can help you determine if this person is a waste of your time. It is better to know the important stuff up front instead of waiting 6 months down the line. So Happy First Dating.