Are You In an Abusive Relationship With Yourself? Find Out If You Are and Find Out How To Fix It.

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Many women are in an abusive relationship with themselves and do not even know it.18522470_l

Do you:

  • Put yourself down.
  • Not think that you deserve to be happy.
  • Have low self-esteem.
  • Allow people talk bad about you.
  • Make fun of yourself.
  • Get into an abundance of sexual relationships or destructive relationships so that you feel loved.
  • Look for validation in other people.

If any of these sound familiar to you, you are in an abusive relationship with yourself. This means that you devalue yourself all of which take a bearing on your overall wellbeing…..even if you do not realize it. Being in an abusive relationship with yourself leads to you doing things to hurt yourself.  Things like having an eating disorder or behaviors in which you cut yourself.  So here are ways in which you can end the abusive relationship you have with yourself.

You are yourself

The first thing that you have to realize is that you are yourself and there is no changing that. You are always going to be yourself and you are going to be stuck with yourself no matter where you go.  Once you understand that you cannot run away from who you are, the more you will begin to accept who you are. And accepting who you are is the first step into getting out of an abusive relationship with yourself.

Why Do You Hate Yourself So Much?

Most people who are in an abusive relationship with themselves, do not like themselves, or do not like an aspect of themselves. In order to get out of an abusive relationship with yourself to need to learn what is it about yourself that you do not like.  Do you not like yourself because you are fat? Because you are too skinny?  Because you feel that you are unattractive?  Because you are strange and awkward?

Sometimes the fact that you are abusive toward yourself does not come from you, but rather an idea that someone has put into your head. If you were told you would never amount to anything, if you have always been picked on for being overweight, or if you have frenemies that talk bad about you (see my blog here on frenemies); these are the situations that make you start to believe bad things about yourself.  And believing bad things about yourself will cause you to abuse yourself.

Getting to the root cause of understanding why you abuse yourself can help you understand how to fix it.

What is it that makes you abusive yourself?

Now once you understand the thing or things that make you abusive yourself, you need to own it. No matter how fat I am or how much acne I get on my face, I am never going to hate myself.  I know how to separate the physical things about myself to who I am as a person.  (Click here to read my blog on how to accept yourself flaws and all).

52545541 - photo of troubled female with low self esteemLearn To accept yourself

I used to be strange, awkward, and weird. In fact, I still am.  But instead of resenting those things about myself I learn to love them.  My personal mantra is

“Why Would I Want To Be Like Anyone Else?”

And that is a great question to ask. If God took the time into making me the person that I am weirdness and all, I should be happy about that.  Often times, it is that one person that stands out that makes all the difference.  So do not be afraid of the things that make you different. Embrace them. And understand that if you do not like something about yourself you have the power to change it.  But never allow the one or two things that you do not like about yourself define you as a person.

Positive Affirmation

An abusive person will tell themselves everyday how much they suck, how dumb they are, how fat they are, or how they deserve to be abused.

Believe it or not, when you put yourself down these words sink into your brain making you believe these things. When you believe these things about yourself then the world will pick up on it and the world will start to believe those things about you too.  Instead of coming down on yourself, replace negative thinking with positive affirmation.

  • If you think you are dumb, then every day tell yourself that you are smart.
  • If you call yourself fat, then tell yourself that you are working on being healthy and that all that matters.
  • If you call yourself ugly, then tell yourself that you are beautiful. Because you are! And realize that beauty comes in various forms.

Start a New

Being in an abusive relationship with yourself may take some time to fix. But once you do fix it, you will have more confidence and you will find yourself in better situations, better relationships, better jobs, and around a better group of people. Trust me.


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About Sophia Reed (318 Articles)
I am a single mother of one, Christian, and Lover of Life. I have a Master's degree in marriage and family therapy, I am a National Certified Counselor, and I am currently a PhD candidate in Human Behavior. I love motivating others and encouraging all women to be beautiful from the inside and out. To get in contact with me, you can email me at

12 Comments on Are You In an Abusive Relationship With Yourself? Find Out If You Are and Find Out How To Fix It.

  1. Great and thoughtful post. Thank you for writing it.

  2. kissmytulle // July 13, 2016 at 7:03 pm // Reply

    very thoughtful and well written post. Thank you.

  3. Oh, now this is a twist. I do think women are more like this than men. All good points in your post today. Be good to yourself first!

  4. Everybody has some kind of personal problem related to what you talk about. I hope some seek the help needed. Others learn they are worthy of the best if they don’t seek counseling

  5. I hope someone who truly needs to see this, that it is able to reach them! Thanks for breaching this subject on your blog!

    xoxo, SS

    Southern And Style

  6. Self care is so important and we are often times are toughest critics. We have to remember to love ourselves

  7. Angie@chasingmyhalo // July 14, 2016 at 2:01 pm // Reply

    I’ve been reading a lot how negative thinking can have serious implications for our physical health. So important to change those patterns!

  8. Very good post. Your posts always hit at the root of an issue and you off good advice and tips on how to work past things.

  9. I never thought of this before! It really could be considered self-abuse. I like your ideas on countering it.

  10. Love this post!! It is so true. And it’s so important for us to stop the self-hate! I truly believe that thoughts become things. The more we think ourselves as useless, unhealthy, unattractive, etc, the more we start to act like we really are and the more the world treats us the same. It’s a vicious cycle that really needs to start with your thoughts for it to end. Thank you so much for writing this post!

  11. Love the positive spin on this post. I wish that more people would be kinder and give themselves more credit.

  12. I think I know a few people who could benefit from this post, thanks for sharing 🙂

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