Before you can determine if you have frenemies, let’s first define what frenemies are:
Frenemies are people who pretend to be your friend, but deep down they are rooting for you to fail. Frenemies may even set you up or try to do wreak havoc in your life. They are people who pretend to be your friends, when really they are your enemies.
I will be the first to admit that I do not have a lot of friends. Not to sound harsh, but I have learned what type of people to have in my life and what people to cut out. I used to like to invite everyone into my inner circle only to be faced with frustration and drama. As I get older I understand that I do not have time for the negativity, the drama, the arguments, the non encouragement; and if the person that I am dealing with is about that then they can bounce.
When I started my Master’s degree I had a girlfriend that told me that I could not do it being a single mother, I was going to quit before finishing, and how it was going to be hard. Perhaps in her mind she meant the best, but in my mind she was being negative and discouraging me from what I wanted to do. These are the type of people that you have to weed out of your life and that is what I did. And low and behold, 3 years after starting my Master’s I finished with over a 3.6 GPA and she is no longer my “friend.”
Other people’s negative words and energy can have an effect on you. If you allow it. (Click to Tweet)
“When Jesus came into the ruler’s house, and saw the flute players and the noisy crowd wailing, He said to them, ‘Make room, for the girl is not dead, but sleeping.’ And they ridiculed Him. But when the crowd was put outside, He went in and took her by the hand, and the girl arose.” Matthew 9:23-25
I love this example because it shows how negative people can prevent you from doing something. It was not that Jesus could not heal the child, but he sent everyone out because their unbelief and negativity was going to interrupt His process. Who has time to sit and hear people tell you what you cannot do when you know that you can? Who has time for people who have nothing nice to say to you or about what you can accomplish? If they cause you more stress than anything then why are they in your life?
If you are always around other people whose thoughts, words, and opinions drown out your own; then how can you hear your own voice? (Click to Tweet)
I have had friends that I have known for a very long time, but it was not until I started to know God and know myself that I started to see the real people around me. I have noticed many friends that I have had for a long time that were negative, they have nothing positive to say, they are always gossiping, bragging, their life is messy, or they are messy. Sometimes when you are in the midst of the mess with them, you do not see how jacked up of a person they are. It is not until you step out of their world of dysfunction that you see the bigger picture.
Looking back over my teens and my twenties, I think back on the words that people have told me. At the time not understanding that these word were like backhanded compliments. Oh you know the statements that seem nice on the surface but when you think about it, it was there way of tearing you down on the low. Stuff like saying,
“Oh you look a little chunky today; but your outfit is cute.”
“Are you wearing your hair like that, I wouldn’t but do you?”
Phrases like these seem harmless but if you hear them over and over again you will start to question your weight, your hair, and other things about yourself that your saw call frenemies have put into your head (read my blog here on accepting yourself). That is why it is so important to have real people who are for you and not against you.
Once I let go of the negative people and people who did not really want me to do good go, guess what? I started to do the things that I felt I was called to do. And I am getting further and further on my path, and I am completely happy. And now the same people who said I could not, either are trying to still rain on my parade or they are trying to get all up in my space and pretend to be my friend now that they see that I am doing better regardless of what they said. And these are the people that you need to be careful of. It is not that you do not want to forgive, but just like Jesus sent out the people to prevent them from speaking negativity into his atmosphere is the same way that you have to keep negative people out of your space (see my blog here on forgiveness does not mean reconciliation). And not only keep them out of your space, but do not let them make you feel bad for doing it. Does that make sense, I hope so.