I know a break up can be hard. After a break up many of us women want to crawl under a rock, eat a ton of ice cream, and let ourselves go. We may even do a bunch of drunken text and phone calls in the middle which will only embarrass ourselves even more. This may be a shocker to many of you women, but after a break up, begging, crying, and gaining 30 pounds is not the way to go. I know we feel like doing these things because we feel bad, but the last thing you want to do it to show an ex that you are unable to maintain without him. The last thing you want is for him to see you ready to go to the inane asylum because he broke up with you. This will not make your ex regret breaking up with you, it will only make him feel sorry for you. And will only confirm in his mind that he made the right choice be getting rid of you.
Here are the keys to not letting a break up, break you.
1. Do not beg for anyone to be with you.
If someone wants to break up with you, let them. You may be hurting and you may want to cry, but save all of that for after they walk out of the door. You would be shocked at how many people get off seeing someone beg and act a fool over them. Do not be that fool. Do not cry and spit tears over someone not wanting to be with you, at least not in front of them. Let them go and be a mature woman about it.
2. Always look good. (see my blog here on why it pays to look good).
After a break up we all have the need to eat ourselves into 3 more pants sizes or walk around side looking like cousin it. But fight that urge please. If you bump into an ex or hang out with someone who knows your ex the last thing you want them to report back to your ex is how terrible you looked. You never want to look like you were hit by a train and then the train backed up and hit you again. Even if you do not feel like it on the inside, try to look good on the outside. The moment it gets back to the person you were dating you will feel priceless. And more often then not, he will call you once he hears the news on how great you look; trying to see you again. Because he will wonder why you are not torn apart over him. Looking good on the outside will help you feel better on the inside. If you do not believe me, dress up, look your best, and go outside or to work. You will get so many compliments on how great you look that it will start to put you in a better mood.
3. Get up and get out.
After a break up do not sit looking at the sky wondering when your next man is going to fall out of it. Date, go out with friends, do something. Get a hobby, pray, go to church, go back to school. I am famous for that after every break up I get a new degree or start a new hobby or something. And these are the things that will get your mind off the break up and show your ex that your identity is not in them but that you have your own life and you are not worried about what is going on in his life. And plus how can you meet someone new, sitting around looking at the wall. You can meet new friends to hang out with and maybe even a new boyfriend.
Going about your own life after a break up, you will leave your ex saying “wow she is really doing good, why did I let her go?”
4. Stop with the emotional break downs.
I cannot tell you how pathetic is it to see a man trying to break up with a woman and she will cry and cry her way out of the break up. Yeah he may take the break up back for that moment because he does not want to see the water works. But it still does not change the fact that he wants to break up. You are just delaying the inevitable. Men will be with you even if they do not want to be with you, if they know that it will cause you to have a break with reality. If a man wants to break up with you. Do not cry, make any trips to the psychiatric ward, do not call him in the middle of the night and tell him you cannot live without him, and do not threaten to kill yourself.
This will not make a man come back, it will make him question your sanity. If you need to get therapy after a break up, then do so without telling him. You never want to give a man that much credit for having that much control over your mind. After a break up do not call him at all. Fight the urge. Nine times out of ten he will call you and wonder why you are not falling all over yourself to be with him.
5. Do not chase.
When an ex leaves you, do not stop by his mother home to have a conversation about what her son did and try to convince her why your her son should get back with you. Do not move into the apartment next to his or start working part-time at his favorite hangout spot. Do not call all of his friends, sister, and everyone else that he knows to try to get them to tell you what your ex is doing. It is never a woman’s job to chase a man (click to see my blog on that).
Women some how think this is cute, but it is creepy. It says that you are a stalker and that he may need to get a retraining order our on you.
If none of these methods get your ex to come back to you, then the very least it will allow you to get over him. Always remember that he broke up with you and before you take him back; you want to really think if you are willing to go down that road with him again anyway. But at the very least, it is fun to have an ex chase after you and not the other way around.