I have learned that the reason why God puts us in certain situations with certain people is because He wants to show us who we can depend on versus who we cannot. As a Christian I should always forgive, but forgiveness does not equal allowing them to come back into my personal space and it does not mean that I have to put myself in a position to allow them to hurt me again and again (click here to see my blog on forgiveness does not mean reconciliation).
When we are put in situations in which we have to depend on someone and they let us down, it is important for us to always remember that they have let us down. This is important because when we do not need their help anymore, we need to remember they were not there for us when we really needed them the most. We need to remember this so that we do not get suckered into going back and allowing them to abuse us time and time again. Sometimes it is just best to let go and leave that person to live their dysfunctional life without you.
Can anyone relate to what I am saying?
Have you been in a relationship or even a friendship in which they have let you down time and time again. But you keep giving them a chance, hoping that things will change? Therefore I ask you to pay attention to the people that God is trying to tear out of your life. Do not be resentful that they left, but be glad. Be glad that you see their true colors now. And be glad that God is making the situation so bad between you, that there is no way you will ever want to have them back in your life.
This especially rings true for me and my son’s father (you can read my single mother story here to get a better idea of the situation). I did wanted him to be a better man and a better father. However, time and time again he has shown me that this is not possible. Therefore I have a choice to make. I can keep allowing him back into me and my son’s life, allowing him to be a bad example to my son, and allowing him to let my son down; leaving me to pick up the pieces for my son. Explaining time and time again that it is his father that is the problem and not him. Or I can choose to completely raise my son on my own, like I have been doing, and know that one day when the time is right God will bring a man into me and my son’s life that my son would be proud to call his father.
I am not saying that single mothers should keep their children away from their fathers. But in some cases, when the dad actively chooses not to be a father and having them in the child’s life will cause more harm than good, then you really have no choice. And I learned that this is okay.
It is not about holding grudges. A grudge is when you hate someone. It is about not allowing to that person not to make your life a living hell.
When things get really bad between you and someone else. And you know in your heart of hearts that you need to let them go about their their business. Every time they try to come back into your life, you have decision to make. Choose to remember all of the bad times and do not just try to focus on the few good time. It is nothing wrong with focusing on the reality of a situation if a situation is bad. It is wrong to try to make a situation or a person good knowing that they are bad for you. As the old saying goes.
Fool me Once Shame On you, Fool me again Shame on me.
At some point when there are clear signs that you need to get rid of this persons and you keep bringing them back into your life, then it is your fault. You have to wonder, what in the world is wrong with you, as to the reason why you tolerate being abused by someone else. Why you are unable to let go of a destructive person? Sometimes we have to let go and when we get to a point where we can truly let go, that is when healing begin. When we let go of a bad on and off relationship that we have been in for the past 6 years, that is when God can bring you a good one. When we let go of a friend that keeps using and abusing us, that is when we can find a new set of friends that bring us up and not tear us down (see my blog here on fake friends).
Letting go can be applied to single mothers, relationships, and friendships. Letting go does not have to include malice, but it includes doing what is best for you. And what is best for you may mean that you have to bid that person farewell and pray that they get some sense knocked into their head and change. But that sense does not have to be you, and you do not have to be the voice of reason begging for them to get it together. What ever transformation they need to go through may have nothing to do with you and it may takes years to complete. The last thing you want to do is wait years or maybe even never for someone to appreciate you.
No matter how you have tried to help them, pray for them, or wanted things to work out with you and them. You just have to let go and walk into a better future without them. It may hurt, but you also have to realize that it is the best thing that you can do. God has a great future planned for you and He can’t give it to you with dysfunctional people around you messing it up. Think about it.