It is Never A Woman’s Job To Make A Man Love You

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The other day I was speaking to a woman and she asked me51630878 - young couple, man and woman having fight

“Why can’t I make him see how much I love him and why can’t I make him accept my love?”

She kept trying to convince herself that she was the first real women to love the man and that the man has somehow hardened his heart against love because of the past relationships he has been though.

Isn’t it amazing how many excuses a woman can come up with to explain a man’s behavior.  Instead of women seeing the situation for what it is, she wanted to blame some outside force instead of facing the reality that he does not want her.

I told my friend that it was not her job or her place to make anyone love her.  She could not make him accept her love nor should be trying to make him accept her love.  The fact of the matter is, earning a man’s love is not her job as women.

I cannot understand why women try to take on a man’s job in relationships.  We co-sign for him a car, pay his rent, take him on trips, or clean his house.  All in an effort to show him how much we love him when we are not getting anything in return.

This is the biggest lie that has been told to women.  That you need to be a man’s ride or die, that you need to do everything in your power to earn his love, or that you need to do whatever he wants you to do to show him how much you love him.  All the while the man has hit a gold mine, because he literally has a modern day slave that is willing to do anything for him while he does not have to do anything at all.

Women, let me ask you a question?

If you are the one doing all the work in the relationship, do you not think that you are worthy of the man putting forth the same type of effort that you put in?

Relationships are not supposed to be one sided.  As a matter of fact I suggest a woman put no effort forth at all until a man is willing to show you that they are worth putting forth the effort for.  I get modern day society but I just do not feel that it is a woman’s place to court a man.  I do not care what year it is and how progressive we have gotten in the world.

40690841 - woman trying to kiss a man and he is rejecting her outdoor in a parkSo women, instead of you asking what you can do in order to make them love you.  Turn that question around and ask yourself what has the man done to make you love him.  As hard as you want them to love you, you need to be loved as well.  You should never be in a position in which you are begging and pleading for a man to be with you.  If his emotions are not there, it is best to just build a bridge and get over it.  And save your love for someone else who deserves it.

I think that one of the key things that women are missing is that we must start to believe that we are worth it.  I am not sure if women think that there is a shortage of men, but we have somehow started fighting other women for men who are not so good in the first place (see my blog here on women fighting over a man).  The biggest lie that a bad man can make you believe is that he is a good man and keeps you trapped, because he makes you think you cannot do better.  This is lie that so many women are walking around believing.

Understand that no matter how long you have been in a relationship if it is not a good relationship then you can always walk away.  What is the point of spending 10 years in a relationship where you feel undervalued and underappreciated.

  • As a women tell yourself:
  • I deserved to be loved.
  • I deserve to be a man’s number one.
  • I am not a man’s second, third, of fourth choice.
  • I am good enough for a man to love me AS IS.  And I do not need to change myself to make him love me.  
  • If a man is not willing to give me the type of love that I deserve then I am willing to walk away.

Say these things over and over again until you believe them.  And when you start to believe them that is when you will start to implement them and stop getting into dead in relationships that are going nowhere.


About Sophia Reed (318 Articles)
I am a single mother of one, Christian, and Lover of Life. I have a Master's degree in marriage and family therapy, I am a National Certified Counselor, and I am currently a PhD candidate in Human Behavior. I love motivating others and encouraging all women to be beautiful from the inside and out. To get in contact with me, you can email me at

9 Comments on It is Never A Woman’s Job To Make A Man Love You

  1. As a mom of a teenage girl, this is so on point. It is something I’ve been working really hard to teach my daughter because it wasn’t taught to me, in fact, I was taught that all of my self-worth comes from my husband. It has been an uphill battle, but I’m finally learning to love myself without the approval of anyone else.

  2. Why should this be a woman job, not, never, ain’t going to happen. Thought love was equal on both.

  3. Again, another wonderful post that needs to be read by females of all ages. Great job!

  4. It’s not a relationship worth being in if you have to force it to go anywhere. Neither person needs to be stuck doing that.

  5. confettiandbliss // July 8, 2016 at 3:05 am // Reply

    Healthy relationships are maintained when both partners put in equal effort and maintain excellent communication. Good relationships consist of mutual love, mutual admiration, deep friendship, trustworthiness, and respect.

  6. wonderful post ! i am lucky hubby is so sweet and loving! i did learn the hard way through college though!

  7. <3 <3 <3 <3

  8. Such an important lesson to learn. Too many girls wrap up everything in their relationships and then beat themselves up when it doesn’t go right… It’s a two way street, and he should be fighting for you just as much as you are fighting for him. If not, move on! You can do better.

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