I am the first to admit that I have issues. Everyone has issues. I hate being vulnerable in front of anyone and I do not trust every easily. I am not the type of person that is going to cry in front of you or beg you to stay with me. I am not the person that easily expresses my feelings. I am not saying that I can never get to that point with someone, but it takes a large amount of trust on my part in order for that to happen. The way in which trust is grown is through the person showing me that I can give my heart to them. They have to show me that if I trust them and if I am vulnerable in front of them then they are not going to abuse what I have given them.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
The main reason why we should guard out hearts is because not everyone has your best interest at in mind. People will take your trust, your vulnerabilities, your tears, and everything that you hold dear and step on it. They can manipulate you and throw their own jaded and crazy ideas into your head and into your heart, changing you as a person. That is where we get emotional baggage (see my blog here).
I am the type of woman that learns from my mistakes. I have trusted people with my heart that I had no business trusting with my heart, and as a result they abused it. Some of the lasting affects still linger and that is the sad thing. Because I put so much trust in the wrong person, when the right person comes along they are going to really have to work at it because of all the deposit that other men, friends, and situations left in it before them.
I have told past boyfriends or friends something personal but when they get mad at me, they throw it right back up in my face or use it against me in some other way. I have thought I was in love with someone only to find out they were cheating and not in love with me. I lived with an ex, and thought we would get married only to find out he cheated and then would leave for days at a time and not tell me where he was going or when he was coming back. At a results little deposit of distrust, suspicion, and the inability to want to give my heart to another person has formed.
But, I do not think this means that I am doomed from ever having a fulfilling relationship. If a man really loves you, they are willing to take along your crazy with them and try to help heal you along in the process.
A few years ago when I was in church a woman came up to me and told me to that God wanted me to read Ephesians 5:26. I was dating the wrong one at the time, chasing him around and he was driving me crazy over his actions.
The verse read:
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. Ephesians 5:26
We are not perfect nor are we ever going to be perfect when we enter marriage. But God knows the perfect person for us that is patient enough to love us through our pain and help heal the deep rooted issues that have been deposited in our hearts.
There is an amount of “normal issues” and “abnormal issues.” Normal issues are the ones that I have. The distrust and lack of emotions due to the jacked up relationships from the past. But some people never learn their lesson. They do not guard their heart. They give their heart to the wrong person over and over again and as a results there is so much junk in them that literally everything that flows from them is sick and twisted.
We have all seen these people in life or even at work. They bounce from one dysfunctional relationship to the next or makes life at work for people a living hell. They getting crazier and crazier with each relationships that damages them. They become a magnet for men that want to do them wrong, because that is all they know. That is all they have been given in relationships, and this is what they keep feeding their heart, and therefore that is all they give out.
Do not be that person. Do not let anyone make your heart so dark that you cannot love and no one wants to love you. Guard your heart and your body. Keep people from taking advantage of it. Once they use you, they are gone, and you will be left to pick up the pieces.