Do you find yourself going through pregnancy alone? Being pregnant and alone can be hard. I am not saying this as someone who is speculating and just wants to feed you what I think it feels like. I know firsthand (click here to read my single mother story) what it feels like. I was that woman going through pregnancy alone, going to appointments alone, the woman who did not have a father to sign my son’s birth certificate when he was born.
So I do get how frightening being pregnant and alone can be. But the first thing you need to do is to just calm down and to accept it. I know that sounds harsh but no matter how much you cry, get depressed about it, or get upset about it nothing is going to change the fact that you are going through pregnancy alone. The only thing you are going to do is stress yourself and stress can affect your unborn child. Which is what you don’t want to do.
Once you have a clear head you can sit and think about what you want to do
I already have a blog on what you do when you are facing an unwanted pregnancy, you can click here to read it. Sometimes being pregnant and alone and tolerable. Some people, such as myself, have the means to be a single mother. When I got pregnant, I had health insurance, I had already graduated from college, I had a place to live on my own, and despite all of that I still had to sit and think about what I wanted to do during my pregnancy.
I personally am pro life (you can click to read my blog here on why) but I thought about adoption, how my life would be a single mother, could I pull it off. For me personally, I felt as though I could. Once I made the decision that I was going to be a mother it helped me know how to proceed for the rest of my pregnancy. So that is what you must do, determine if you are going to be a single mom or not. The earlier you know the sooner. That way you will know how much money you need to save, start looking for child care, tell your family etc.
Going through pregnancy alone Tip #1 Determine Your Support Systems
Often times when you feel as though you are going to be stuck pregnant and alone you are not really all alone. Your child’s father may not be there with you but more often than not you do have people in your inner circle that will be there to support you if you allow it.
I told my mother that I was pregnant and although she was not happy at first, she has played a big part in helping me with my son. Both in my pregnancy and currently. In fact, once I told my friends that I was pregnant so many people came to help. I got free clothes, a free crib, my friend end up driving me to the hospital, and when I had my son my aunt, mother, and grandmother came to town.
I know it be hard and you cannot want to tell people because of what people may say, how they may act, or you may be ashamed because you are going through a pregnancy alone and you do not want anyone to know. But in the end, telling other people can be your biggest gift and it may not be as bad as you think.
Going through pregnancy alone Tip #2 Enjoy Your Pregnancy
When I went to my doctors’ appointments you always get the question “where is the child’s father?” And of course you do not want to have to explain that he is not there nor is he ever going to be there. But when all is said and done, enjoy your pregnancy. Attend all of your appointments. Go into your appointments excited to hear the heart beat and excited to find out the sex even if no one is with you. Have a baby shower. I went to breast feeding class and read all types of books. It did suck being alone and pregnant but it would have been worse if I sat around feeling sorry for myself. I personally do not believe in feeling sorry for yourself (Click my blog here), because feeling sorry for yourself is not going to change anything.
Now that my son is older he is a happy child, I used to talk to him while I was pregnant and we bonded in the womb. Can you imagine if I was pregnant sitting around all the time crying, what type of toxic environment that would be for your child. Your body is your child’s home, so make it happy place by being happy, enjoying yourself, doing things, and trying to get excited about your pregnancy.
Going through pregnancy alone Tip #3 Do Not Force Him To Be There
When you are going through a pregnancy alone it is natural to want the guy who got you pregnant to be there. It is natural to want him to care, but there is a chance that he does not care and no matter what you are going through in your pregnancy there is an even bigger chance that he still won’t care. You cannot make anyone be what they do not want to be that includes being a father.
You can open up the door and let him try to be there such as telling him about appointments on when you go into labor. But in the end, if he does not respond or is rude to you then let it be. And do not stress yourself out about it. You are the one doing the right thing while he is the one doing the wrong thing, so why should you feel bad about his failures. It is best to just let it go and not stress about what he is doing.
Going through pregnancy alone Tip #4 Handle Your Business
Just because you are not forcing him to be there that does not mean that you give up your entitlements such as child support. I fully believe in filing for child support despite what the man feels. He was man enough to have sex with you and therefore he should be man enough to pay for his child. So do not feel any type of way for filing for child support. Do not be afraid to hurt his feelings and do not be afraid that he will disappear. Because the fact of the matter is, is that if he wanted to be there then he would, child support is not going to change that.
And from single mother to single mother, handle your own business. Just because you are a single mother do not let that be your down fall or your defeat. I got a MS and a PhD as a single mother. (See my blog here on single mothers who want to go back to school). Just because you are a single mother do not allow that to be your excuse to fail in life. If anything, it should be your motivation to do better.
Going through pregnancy alone and being pregnant and alone may feel like the end of the world. But it isn’t. The world will keep turning and you will keep going. You can chose not let being pregnancy get you down. There are benefits to being a single mother and the refinements it brings to your character (read my blog here). Your pregnancy can be a blessing if you allow it to be. Even if you are alone.