This blog is a request that by a friend of mine. I decided to do it because I think it raises an interesting question that many women face.
If a women is having an affair with a married man, is there ever a time in which it can be more than an affair and turn into love?
To answer this question I think we must define love. The definition of love can be very subjective depending on what you consider love to be. Since I am writing this, I am going to tell you my definition of love. I feel when you truly love someone, then it is really one of those most unselfish things you can do. So when a married man has an affair with a woman, even if he “loves” her; is that love really?
The man goes homes to his wife and his kids and what does the woman go home to….herself. She is being faithful to a man that cannot be faithful her because he has a wife. When the woman has a hard day at work she cannot call the man because he may be with his family. The man is literally getting all of his needs met and the woman is waiting around getting the short end of the stick. Now is it really love for a man to live his life with his wife and children but the woman is stuck in a situation in which she can never really enjoy the man that she loves? Because half of him belongs to someone else.
If I am confusing you let me put it this way. If I ask a battered housewife, why she stays with a husband that beats her. She may say because I love him and he loves me. But how can a man who hurts you love you? I know that what he says, but is that what he is showing you?
The same thing for affairs, a true act of love would be for him to let the woman go and allow her to live a life. The only way a married man can truly be with a woman he is having an affair with, is if he divorces his wife. And why would you ever want a man that is willing to leave his wife and kids for you. I am sure at one point he loved his wife, now he is saying that he loves you, and when he marries you; he may fall in love with someone else. Starting the cycle all over again.
So to answer the above question as I see it. No, I do not think an affair can really turn into real love. Two people may love each other; but love is beyond the feel good emotions that we feel for the other person. It is about wanting the best for them, wanting to provide for them, and wanting them to be happy in their lives. And an affair is not that. An affair is a lot of sneaking around, the other woman being jealous of the wife, the wife being suspicious about what is going on, and the husband going back and forth between them. And that is not love.
Love is more than that. For example, if a married man dies, the money, house, cars, and life insurance will go to the wife. If he had debts the wife will be responsible for paying them. What does the other woman get? She does not benefits from the life insurance policy. She does not have to worry about how the house is going to get paid off or making funeral arrangements. The wife does.
The point that I am getting at is that when it comes to love, you have to be there for both the good and the bad. It about fully immersing your life with another person and that is what a wife does. The other woman may go on vacations with him, dinner, or give him encouragement from time to time. But she is never fully the wife. She is not the ones raising the kids, contributing to the household, or dealing with the in-laws.
A married man can say anything that he wants about his wife when he is going to the other woman. But there are two sides to every story and who knows if what he is saying is even true. If they are going to get a divorce, it would be best for the other woman to allow it to happen on its own and not be the driving force for a man to leave his family. My saying is that God is NEVER going to give you someone else’s husband. God values marriage and does not want anyone to commit adultery. I seriously doubt, he is going to turn over one of his 10 commandments for you to be with someone else’s husband.