You Say “I want to Get Married” But I Say Marriage Won’t Fix Your Problems
How many times have your told yourself “I want to get married?” How many times have you imagined that when you get married it would be the perfection that you have always longed for. All the depression and sadness that you felt as a single person will amagically disappear, and you will be made whole again once you and your betrothed walked down the aisle. Sounds a bit dramatic but this is how so many of us think when it comes to marriage. When really some of us may want to get married and we are not even ready to get married. (Click here to read my blog for more on am I ready to get married).
Through my years and through my experiences, I have learned a valuable lesson, and that is no one is perfect no matter how much of a perfect person they appear to be. I would love to sit here and tell you that I would make the perfect wife to someone one day, but the fact of the matter is that I won’t because I am not perfect. I have some issues. I have trust issues, I have a problem depending on others, I can be a bit unorganized, I want my own space sometimes without anyone in it, and I am used to making decision on my own and being the head of my own household. (Click here to see my blog on my relationship demons)
For myself I imagine that when the time comes for me to get married I would have a very hard time trusting a husband for my well being and future. The reason being is because I have a mini family of my own, a son, and I started living on my own when I was 18 years of age. It is hard to reverse years of working hard, being independent, providing for myself, and being the only responsible party in my household. Your past experiences help shape who you are as a person. Click here to my blog for more on that.
Before you say to yourself “I want to get married” remember this. Whenever you meet someone you feel you want to spend your life with you have to remember that they are not perfect, you have to ask yourself is their imperfection something that you are going to be willing to work with? Going into a relationship you must understand that you cannot change anyone. If they change their imperfections then good for them, but this cannot be our mindset when try to join ourselves with someone else. We must understand that we come with baggage and they come with baggage, the key is finding someone whose issues are tolerable. And not be blind to their issues and thinking their issues will go away once you are married.
We have to hold the mentality the other person comes “as is” and if we are willing to be with them, then we must accept them as is. Meaning that if you get married and if the person has the same issues as when you were dating them, then you cannot expect them to magically change into someone else. Marriage is not a magic wand that changes people.
If I were to tell you some of of the things I did in past relationships due to my deep rooted trust issues you would think I was a clever spy that belonged in the CIA or something. I use to sneak though my man’s phone, guess his password on his phone, mess with his sim card so I can get in the phone, come to his house and look through his window to see if a woman was in there.
And it is not something that I can just shrug off because they are issues that I gained from past relationships, friendships, and interactions with other people. Also check out my blog on how other people’s issue can become your issue.
So distrust has become apart of my regular routine. With that being said, it is going to take a strong man to be able to deal with it, and I am going to have to be a strong woman to be able to get over it. But the key is to be with someone that is willing to accept and work with you on your issues, not make them worse.
So many people get loved confused with infatuation or lust;(see my blog here for more on that topic). And as soon as that person does something that does not fit into the mold of the fantasy of the fake reality that they have created in their heads, they want to bounce and get a divorce. Love is great, wonderful, and can be a fulfilling experience. But take it for what it is and know that you are not going to live in Cinderella land all the time. With relationships comes two people, with separate issues, baggage, and downfalls. The loves comes into play when you still care for them despite their shortcomings and vice versa. So stop telling yourself “I want to get married” instead ask yourself are you ready for marriage.