When you put yourself first and chose to be selfish, it does not mean that you will only think of yourself and not others, but rather you should not let others people’s opinion of you dictate how you live your life (Click to read my blog here on letting friends run your life). I have a friend, she is in a relationship/friendship with a man. The only thing that he does is asked her to do favors for him and ask her for money. And surprise surprise she gives it to him. When I asked her why she could not simply tell him that she was not going to give him money, she said because she was afraid he was not going to be her friend any more. Isn’t that crazy?
I get we want to do for others, but why does doing for others mean that we can let others take advantage of us? And why are we afraid to lose a relationship or friendship knowing that their behavior toward us is dysfunctional? It is not bad to put yourself first. What is bad is letting people run all over you.
For some reason it seems as if us women have forgotten that what we want matters. We do not have to stay in abusive relationships, friendships, or continuously be around toxic people so that we do no feel alone.
Some people confuse forgiveness and think you still have to deal with a person. (Click my blog here on forgiveness does not mean reconciliation).
If someone does you wrong time and time again, you can forgive them without inviting them into your circle giving them an opportunity to do you wrong again. (Click to Tweet)
Sometimes we just have to say, “I forgive you but you need to go about your business and I will go about mine.”
I had a second friend where she was dating a man for years and he still did not want to commit to her. He told her openly that he wanted to date other women. So my question to her would be, why is she still there? Why is she allowing this man to dog her out time and time again? Does she not think that she deserves better?
Sometimes we just have to let go and make what we want a priority. And know that when you put yourself first, it will not hurt you but help you. Letting go of bad relationships will force you to move on, hang out with a new set of people, and just move forward in life. You cannot feel bad for letting people who make your life harder go.
If you are in a toxic relationship and you know that their energy is sucking the life out of you. It is okay, do not feel bad, I can tell you exactly had to severe the umbilical cord from these people.
- Do not answer their phone calls. Block their number if you have to.
- Do not give them money
- Do not allow them to cheat on you. When they do, cut them off. Staying with them, tells them that they can cheat on your again and you won’t go anywhere.
- Cut them out of your lives and do not allow them to make you feel bad about it.
- Do not let them make you feel like crap found on the bottom of their shoe. Do not be afraid to stick up for yourself, if they talk down to you.
Sometimes life is just waiting for you to get out of that bad relationship, friendship, environment, workplace, or living arrangement before your life can move you forward. Life is waiting for you to stop dealing with certain types of people and to stop failing the same test that has been out before you time and time again.
It is okay to be put yourself first. Even if it means being by yourself for a while so that you can get your head straight.
It is okay to end a relationship or friendship because they are using you or not treating you the way you should be treated. (Click to Tweet)
And it is okay not to feel bad about not wanting to feed in their endless cycle of stupid. It does not make you a crazy mean cold and heartless person, it means you have figured out that sometimes you and your sanity have to come first.