Being selfish does not mean that we only think of ourselves and not others, but rather we do not let others opinion of us dictate how we live our lives. I have a friend, she is in a relationship/friendship with a man. The only thing that he does is asked her to do favors for him and ask her for money. And surprise surprise she gives it to him. When I asked her why she could not simply tell him that she was not going to give him money, she said because she was afraid he was not going to be her friend any more. Isn’t that crazy?
I get we want to do for others, but why does doing for others mean that we can let others take advantage of us? And why are we afraid to lose someone’s relationship or friendship knowing that their behavior toward us is dysfunctional?
I was watching Love and Hiphop Hollywood a few seasons ago. There were two women on there that had been both dating the same man who was a rapper. He was playing both of them and instead of the women getting mad at him they were getting mad at each other. At one point in the argument one women announced that she did not even use condoms with him as a way to prove that he loved her more. What!? That’s nasty!
“In that day seven women will take hold of one man and say, ‘We will eat our own food and provide our own clothes; only let us be called by your name. Take away our disgrace!’” Isaiah 4:1
This Bible verse describes what is going on now. Women fighting over men allowing themselves to be used and abuse by him just so that they do not have to bear the title of being single.
For some reason it seems as if us women have forgotten that what we want matters. We do not have to stay in abusive relationships, friendships, or continuously be around toxic people so that we do no feel alone.
Some people confuse forgiveness and think you still have to deal with a person. If someone does you wrong time and time again, you can forgive them without inviting them into your circle giving them an opportunity to do you wrong again. Sometimes we just have to say, “I forgive you but you need to go about your business and I will go about mine.”
Going back to another friend I had, where she was dating a man for years and he still did not want to commit to her. He told her openly that he wanted to date other women. So my question to her would be, why is she still there? Why is she allowing this man to dog her out time and time again? Does she not think that she deserves better?
Sometimes we just have to let go. And not because it will hurt us but because it will help us. Letting go of bad relationships will force you to move on, hang out with a new set of people, and just move forward in life. This is not done for the other person’s benefit, it is done for ours.
If you are in a toxic relationship and you know that their energy is sucking the life out of you. It is okay to:
- Not answer their phone calls
- Not to give them money
- Not allow them to cheat on you
- Cut them out of your lives and not allow them to make you feel bad about it.
- Not let them make you feel like crap found on the bottom of their shoe
Sometimes life is just waiting for you to get out of that bad relationship, friendship, environment, workplace, or living arrangement before your life can move you forward. Life is waiting for you to stop dealing with certain types of people and to stop failing the same test that has been out before you time and time again.
It is okay to be selfish. Even if it means being by yourself for a while so that you can get your head straight. It is okay to end a relationship or friendship because they are using you or not treating you the way you should be treated. And it is okay not to feel bad about not wanting to feed in their endless cycle of stupid. It does not make you a crazy mean cold and heartless b*tch, it means you have figured out that sometimes you and your sanity have to come first.