Do you ever feel single and lonely? Are you the only single friend left in a crowd of couples. I want to tell you it is okay and we can share our singleness together. Anyone who knows me, knows I am happy being single. But according to everyone else, I should forget all the other accomplishments I have done in my life, and since I am single and over 30 (read my blog on 30 and single am I destined to be an old maid), I must be some depressed single woman whose life is not complete with a man. (You can have a happy single life. Read my blog here on how to be single and Happy.)
I know that you may be single and lonely and are saying to yourself “Sophia I want a man, I do not want to hear this single and proud mess.” Its okay, I feel you, and just to show you how much I can relate. I am going to share my moments where I felt left out of the loop for being single. This way we can all share in our embarrassing single moments and you don’t have to feel so bad.
- I was visiting my grandparents home in Georgia during the summer a few years ago. I came in contact with relatives from Alabama that I had not seen in quite some time because they were visiting too. They greeted me and after saying hello and getting an update on what I have been doing in life they said “ Well maybe the next time we see you will be married.” This along with a motivational pat on my shoulder.
They did not say or congratulations on finishing college. You are still looking good. Nope none of that just “Well maybe the next time we see you will be married.”
2. During my master’s program we were doing an exercise. It was a room of about 30 people. They asked many questions and if your answer was yes to a question then you step to the other side of the room. After a few questions the dreaded question came. “Are you in a relationship?” Everyone promptly went to the other side of the room. All 28 people and the only ones still standing on the original side was myself and another person (and she was very socially awkward by the way). So there I stood, me and someone else who looked like she had some mental problems of her own. Everyone on the other side had this “aww sorry your still single” look on their face. As if they felt sorry for us. It was that ” aww look at those single women over there who cannot get and or keep a man” look.
3. I ran into an ex that I used to date during college who was happily married with children and making a crap load of money. Shortly into the conversation he asked “ So you are not married? I do not see why, your a nice enough looking girl.”
I mean really. Like the only way I could still being single is because I must have a defect or something.
4. And while we are on the topic of exes, lets not forget the cheap shot that an ex took at me telling me I was always going to be single because no one would want to put up with or marry me because of my opinionated personality.
5. Oh yes, and it is not limited to exes but even my family. There is not one moment but several. The constant reminder asking when are you going to get married? Even the question from grandpa telling me that perhaps I needed to go golfing more or to a country club, I never know who I might meet.
You know it is serious when grandpa is handing you out dating advice. I say that all to say this. There was a time in which people telling me these things were embarrassing. Not anymore. Counseling couples I have seen the insides of too many marriages that should have never happened all for the sake of not being alone. And through counseling them, my friend’s marriages, and looking into other people failed marriages I learned that marriage it hard work AND doing it the wrong way can have lifetime effects that you have to live with. FOREVER. Life is too short to come home every single day to someone you really should have never gotten married to.
If you are single like me, or ever better if you are over 30 and single like me, and you are tired of getting singled out the advice I would like to give you is this.
No one can make you feel bad about anything. If you harp on the fact that you are single and feed into what others want you to do you are going to lead yourself into depression or worse go on date after date with any and everyone to cure yourself of your single person’s disease. Trust me I know. Until I decided to stop punishing myself.
There are a lot of good things about being single, so take advantage of your singleness and your life will be a lot more fulfilled (Click to Tweet).
I would not have attracted the same type of man now that I would have 7 years ago. I am not the same person. I am a better person. Sometimes you have to grow into a better version of yourself so that you can become the right person for the one that God has planned for you. Trust the process. Being single is not the end of all eternity and no matter what other people say and how they make you feel. It is just a relationship status, not a personal identity. I have learned how to be single and not lonely I have learned how to have a happy single life. I want my life to be great no matter what my relationship status is. And more importantly I have learned not to care what other people have to say about my singleness.