I know that the world with have you to believe that sex without commitment, is a liberating experience. That you can freely give your vagina to any and every man that you want to, and somehow should make you feel empowered.
And people like me, who think that you should not freely pass your vagina around like a tray of passed hors d’oeuvre, have an outdated mind frame in which we want to set women back 100 years. First off, I feel that you can be in the world but not of the world (see my blog here). Just because everyone thinks that sex without a commitment is not big deal does not mean you have to agree with them.
Do you remember that old children’s tale the Emperor’s new clothes? Where these scammers came and gave the king invisible clothes and told everyone only smart people can see them. So everyone pretended to be able to see this new clothes, because they did not want to be labeled as dumb, when really the king was walking around naked with no clothes on. And no one wanted to say it, because they wanted to pretend they saw the clothes.
That was a metaphor for sex without commitment. Everyone wants to promote it because that is the world in which we live, no one wants to say that it is silly, emotionally damaging, promotes STDs as no contraception is 100%, and against our very human nature as whenever we have sex we attached to the person that we are having sex with hormonally. Like the above story, no one wants to call crazy crazy because they do not want to be the one that looks none progressive of women’s sexuality.
I am not one of those people. I am also NOT a virgin. So therefore I am NOT going from a prudish place. I have been on BOTH sides. I am celibate now (click here to read my blog on why) and I can tell you that my celibacy gives me more of a liberation than me having sex with no commitment. I spoke about this in my benefits of celibacy blog (click here), but choosing to not have sex actually gives me more control over my body and my flesh than just giving it to everyone.
To some of you that may be a lame answer, because to you sex feels good. You do not have a boyfriend and just having sex without a commitment makes you feel great for the moment and you do not have to deal with all the hustle of a relationship. If that is what you are thinking then let me ask you this. Do you value what you have between your legs so low that you think it should be freely shared with everyone?
Because really when you give the above answers, you are putting a price on yourself. You are saying well I want sex and I am willing to give it to any Tom, Dick, and Harry that comes along. I am going to give them something that is supposed to be precious because I do not view it as previous. So here they can just have, it feels good, it does not matter that they do not love me, that they do not like me, that they do not want a relationship with me, that they do not want me to spend the night, or meet their parents. None of that matters because I got sex for the night. Then really you are just devaluing yourself to just some sex. You are saying that this is all I have to offer and other the other moving parts that make up “me” have no value and are not worth getting to know or a man putting for any effort for.
And really sex without a commitment is NOT liberating to the woman. You are not using him. He is using you. Because just like he is having sex with you, he is probably getting it from other women, just like you may be getting it from other men, so who is the real winner here? All this is, is a bunch of people swapping bodily fluids with other people trying to convince themselves that this is the life, when really you are probably searching for something deeper. Even if you do not realize it. You may be using sex without commitment as a way to fill a void that maybe you can’t even put your finger on.
If a man having sex with you is all it takes for you to be empowered then you really need to get some better goals. Empowerment is starting your own business, empowerment is finishing your degree, empowerment is becoming a millionaire, empowerment is leaving your mark on the world, empowerment is because a woman of good character and standing out among a crowd of women who are doing the same thing and are about the same thing. Empowerment is not getting banged out for an hour out of the day (if that) and going home only to do it again in two weeks. That is called being used.
Your body is your temple. It is the most precious thing that you can have. So why downgrade your value and what you are worth by just passing it around to everyone. If you feel that way, then why don’t you go to your bank account now, get all of your money, and just start giving it to random people on the street. All the way until you are broke. But you will not do that because money has value, right? And you don’t? Because when you have sex without commitment that is exactly what you are doing. Giving your body to everyone, they are leaving with apart of you, and soon you will be broke. You will be so broke that when it comes time to give your body to someone who has earned it, you won’t even have the money for the investment. Because you have given all that you have away to other people who do NOT deserve it.
Sex without commitment is not cute, it is not empowering, and it is not feminism. It is selling yourself short.