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I used to think that standing up for yourself means that you needed to tell someone off. I quickly learned that this was immature thinking. When I see grown women going off on someone and using profanity as a way to “show them.” It reinforces in my mind that they are still in a childish state of mind and that they lack communication skills more than anything else.
I personally believe that the biggest way that you can stand up for yourself without being disrespectful is to:
This is the number one thing that you can do to stand up for yourself. If a boss is talking to you disrespectful, a cashier is talking to you disrespectfully, or even some random person in the street going off on you. Do not stoop down to their level and start cursing at them back. I would never diminish my intelligence or who I am as a person just to show somebody that I can get loud too. I can articulate myself and leave you standing there yelling like a fool. The biggest mistake that people make is thinking that getting loud with someone makes you look like the bigger person, it doesn’t. It makes you look like you should be in the episode of the Bad Girls Club. Knowing how to articulate yourself will help you get your point across to the other person more effectively. How can the person know what you want if both of you are screaming over top of each other. If the point is to be heard, then screaming is not going to get you what you want.
Have you ever seen someone going off on someone else and the other person just sitting there looking at them. If not I recommend you do and then determine which person has the most self-control. It does not matter if someone is telling me something I disagree with you, talking about me, or just down right being rude with me; I have mastered the art of keeping calm. I am an adult, and as an adult, you should master the function of controlling yourself. Give yourself time to think about what you are going to say and do not behave impulsively that may get your fired, written up, or arrested. Often times when you are calm, it will allow the other person to calm down and that way you can communicate your issues effectively when you’re both not hot tempered.
Don’t Take Shots
When we want to stick up for ourselves the first thing we want to do is to take shots at the other person. We want them to feel bad about themselves because they are attempting to make us feel bad about ourselves. Don’t do that. The only thing that will do is to cause an argument. If you are attempting to stand up for yourself, you want to be heard. Not to escalate the situation even further. Even if the person is taking shots at you.
Say Your Peace and Shut Up
There have been plenty of coworkers I have not agreed with and plenty of bosses I have not agreed with. And even after all is said and done they may still not agree with me. At that point I have determined that we can agree to disagree. I am not going to keep going back in forth with you over something that I believe in true and something that you believe in untrue. After you have stated your point, if a person insist on going in or you or not seeing your point of view. Drop it and let it go. They do not want to hear or see what you are saying because they don’t want to and no matter how much more you talk, nothing is going to change that. Often times I have ended the conversation by saying “this is how I feel, evidently you do not agree; so I feel it is best we end this conversation.” Then I end the conversation. No matter what they say after that I just give them the blank stare or get up and walk away.
On the note of leaving. If you are in a work situation, relationship, or any situation in which you have tried to stand up for yourself and nothing has changed. Then you can always leave. Sometimes the ultimate way to stand up for yourself is to not continue to take the crap anymore. You do not want to go round and round with someone who does not care what you have to say and is going to disrespect you regardless. So then, your only choice is to leave, block their calls, and not talk to them anymore. Someone can’t disrespect you if they do not have access to you.
I have said this before and I will say it again. It is not a strength to go off on people when you feel that they are doing something wrong. It is not a strength to curse out your boss and co-workers, to “show them.” The world wants to believe that standing up for yourself is acting like you have no home training. Strength is keeping your dignity, pose, and allowing other people to be the fool and not joining into the circus. Get on your grown woman’s status and learn how to act. Real women know how to handle things without being an embarrassment.
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