Learn To Hold Your Tounge. You Do Not Have To Be So Reckless With Your Mouth.

In today’s society people think that it is a strength to “read people.” I used to be one of those people.  If you looked at me wrong, said something to me that I perceived as wrong, or got smart with me then I would go off on you; to the point that you knew to never come for me again.

But that thought process has changed for me. With age and maturity, I realized that holding your tongue is a strength and not a weakness.  I can recall when I first learned this lessons, someone called themselves going off on me in front of everyone.  My response was to respond back in kindness.  My friends were shocked.  There were likeargue

“I cannot believe that you let them talk to you like that, that is not like you, and you should have went off on her!”

But what would be the point of that. All you would have in two people arguing in public embarrassing themselves.  When you respond aggressively to people who are aggressive to you, that is not called courage, it is not asserting yourself, it is not called anything but immaturity.

Look at all of the reality television shows were people get into arguments and then physical fights. Who has time for all of that?  I know I do not want to be perceived as the “angry black woman.”  There are many of those on television as it.  I will not let that shape my reality on how I should behave or act.  I feel that there is a line between constructive communication and destructive communication.

Destructive communication is where you escalate an issue and make things worse. Were the person is left feeling disrespected causing them to say things to disrespect you. Despite common belief this is not an effective way to communicate.

Constructive communication is no matter how a person responds to you. You are able to respond in a calm and productive way.  Still being able to get your point across without starting an argument.

I think often times, people want you to go toe to toe with them. But the best thing that you can do is respond to psycho people in a calm way AND do not go to their level. This makes you look like a psycho. Instead respectfully communicate with them, and then walk away.  This leave them standing there arguing with themselves and not with you.

argue2When you enter a job, school, a relationship, or anytime you have to communicate with people. You are going to have a disagreement.  Do you really want to be known as the woman yelling all the time for everything little thing?  The woman that people are afraid to say anything to because you are going to try to “prove your point” in the most disrespectful way possible.  Or do you want to be the mature, intellectual woman that no matter what anyone says to you, you are able to respond with grace and pose.

Holding your tongue or knowing when to speak is a thing to be valued. When people go off on me I know that in the back of my mind that I can go off on you 10 times worse.  I know that my bark is way bigger than your bark and my bite is way bigger than your bite.  And no matter how big and bad you think you are, I can tear you down within 5 minutes because that is how ruthless I WAS.  But I am no longer that way because I understand that this is not something to be valued or treasured.  Knowing that I can go off on you but choosing not to, shows a great amount of patience and self-control.  So while people are looking at me thinking they have the advantage over me.  I am looking at them, knowing I really have the advantage over them.

I have the ability to control my mood, to control my anger, and to control my tongue. These are things that come with being an educated, intelligent, GROWN woman.  And since they have not mastered these things, I just see them as a grown woman in training.  I have learned something that they have yet to even realize or discover.  And that is, I run this.  Meaning I control what my mind thinks, what I say, and what I do.  I am not ruled by my emotions and do not have to say everything I feel.  And I have the ability to articulate myself and get my point across in a productive way, making a situation better not worse.  I know when you walk away and leave the other person standing there yelling at themselves. I know how to use my words to calm the other person down when they are being reckless.  And so my ability to control myself is way stronger than their ability to have diarrhea at the mouth.  I ability to communicate effectively means that I am able to calm you down with just my words.  Therefore I have more control over a situation then a person who is out of control with their mouth. I wish that more people understood this concept and utilized it.

You do not need to go off on everyone. You do not need to fight everyone or have arguments with everyone.  This is not strength.  This is a weakness.  Having control over yourself is strength.  Holding your tongue is strength.  Speaking with dignity and using your words for good is strength (click my blog here on that).  These are what you should aspire for as a woman.


About Sophia Reed (313 Articles)
I am a single mother of one, Christian, and Lover of Life. I have a Master's degree in marriage and family therapy, I am a National Certified Counselor, and I am currently a PhD candidate in Human Behavior. I love motivating others and encouraging all women to be beautiful from the inside and out. To get in contact with me, you can email me at sophiareed@sophie-sticatedmom.com

12 Comments on Learn To Hold Your Tounge. You Do Not Have To Be So Reckless With Your Mouth.

  1. This is so easy to relate to even for those who do not have an aggressive temperament because people think the only way to stand up for yourself or to assert yourself is with crude comments aggression or violence when in reality the easiest and best way to settle a dispute while maintaining your dignity and self respect is by calmly replying to the aggressor.

  2. I’m a tad bit aggressive by nature. It’s the Aries in me! I do try to hold back when I can.

  3. Being calm and collected always wins over being the loudest and most aggressive. I agree completely.

  4. #PREACH!!!! This is SO true! I had to learn this lesson too! Not to mention I want my actions to reflect the GOD I say I serve!
    Thank you for the reminder!

  5. Very well said. So true, holding your tongue is definitely a skill and one that should be practiced often.

  6. Agree!!! Love this! Read a book recently by Karen Ehman called Keep It Shut and she covered a variety of topics, all related to our words and how we use them. Thanks!

  7. I totally agree with you! Holding your tongue is a skill and one should know how to control it else its consequences can lead into troubles!

  8. I have never been one to go off on people even when they annoy me to the point of fighting them, my mother taught me to learn how to hold my tongue long ago though it is a skill I am still honing

  9. I somewhat agree here. I think there is a time, place, and way to do everything. I don’t think always responding with aggression is appropriate, but in the same token I don’t believe you should just let people talk to you any way they want to. While I know you could calmly tell someone to back off, it typically doesn’t have the same effect of more firmly letting them know you mean business.

  10. I firmly believe that holding your tongue is a lot like a muscle that needs to be strengthened, trained and exercise. It comes easier to some..others not so much 🙂

  11. Sarah Ella (Mumx3x) // June 13, 2016 at 7:49 am // Reply

    I agree!! I love this! Two people arguing in public wouldn’t have achieved anything except embarrassment. I see it exactly the same way you do! I hold my tongue a lot and I think people think I’m just soft and can’t speak my mind. I can though, in the right situation and the right time and place.

  12. Let’s learn how to hold our tougue together.. Hehe~ This is a great post.. Speak what’s necessary only!

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