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Dating Versus Courtship. Which One is Right?

Among the Christian single community, there is a lingering debate as to whether dating is wrong and courting is correct.  If you are not familiar with courting, it is typically seen as two people “dating” or getting to know one another for the SOLE purpose of getting married.

I personally do not see anything wrong with either one.  I have heard many courting stories of Christian women stating that this is the way they meant their husband.  But I will be honest and say that I do not believe that courting is for everyone.  Although I am not actively dating anyone now, if someone ask me out on a date I am not oppose to going.

The way I see it, is that I would rather go out on a date with someone, with no expectation, and get to know them to see if they are someone that I would even consider going out on a second date with before I enter into a courtship.  Some women have been on one date and knew automatically that this was their husband to be and began courting.  This is not my personality type.  I need to talk to you, to get to know you, and to determine if I even like spending five minutes with you before I determine if I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  Perhaps after dating and us both determining that we want something more, then I would enter the courting phase.

I have dated in the past.  I have dated A LOT in the past.  And although I am not married I do not regret dating. With each dating experience, good or bad, I learned something about myself.  I learned what I wanted, what I did not want, or what I thought I wanted is really not want I wanted at all.  There were several learning experiences that came from dating that shaped me into the person I am today.

I can imagine the many bad dates that I have been on.  Some of them seem promising at first, I can only imagine if I would have entered into a courtship with them right off the back, maybe now even married to them, how miserable I would have been.  That is because with dating, men can let their guard down and be them, there is no expectation attached to going out on a date.  There is no pressure of putting on a mask to appear perfect to a person you are courting because marriage is expected.

Every personality type is different when determine what is right way for you to do thing versus what is the wrong way.   If anyone is familiar with personality types I am an ENTJ.

Here are a few fast facts about my personality type:

ENTJ is one of the least common types in the population, and the rarest type among women ENTJs make up (2% of the general population, 3% of men, 1% of women)

Strengths include:

  • Efficient
  • Energetic
  • Self-Confident
  • Strong-Willed
  • Strategic Thinkers
  • Charismatic and Inspiring

Weaknesses

  • Stubborn and Dominant
  • Intolerant
  • Impatient
  • Arrogant
  • Poor Handling of Emotions
  • Cold and Ruthless

I mention the above just to say this.  When you decide to date or court, you have to do what is fitting for you and your personality.  I do not feel just because you are a Christian single woman that you have to court.  Some women’s personality is more befitting toward courtship, and some of us need to date you first because like me I have to know for sure that I like you before talking about married AND I have a more dominate personality. So before even talking about marriage I need to know that you can handle my weaknesses.  Some woman will say that I can change who I am.  But I do not want to.  I love who I am and what I am.  I have dated men in the past that do not like women who think so much or who are strong willed, and my answer to them is that they do not like me.  This is what I found through going on an innocent date with them.  They found out there were not feeling me and I was not feeling them.

So instead of jumping into a courtship, one is which we plan to get married before we really get to know each other yet.  I want to get to know you, date you, becomes friends, and find out who you really are without the idea of marriage hanging over our heads.  NO PRESSURE. I am not saying that one is right over the other.  What I am saying that each person needs to determine the type of situation they want to get into. It is your romantic life, and the last thing you want to do is to be pressured into a courtship situation if that is not what you really want.  I counseled young girl a few years back.  Her sister got married at 19 through a courtship.  The girl I was counseling just graduated high school and did not want to get married yet.  She wanted to date, find out what type of man she liked, and experience life a little.  And there is NOTHING wrong with that.  Her parents felt that she needed to begin looking for a man to court but she didn’t.  And I had to let her know that what she wanted was okay and completely normal. I do not think that God is going to punish us women when we die and say, “You chose to date, over courtship, Go to hell.”  God knows our hearts and he made us the way we are.  And as long as you are doing what you feel He is telling you, I seriously do not think it matters that much.

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About Sophia Reed (295 Articles)
I am a single mother of one, Christian, and Lover of Life. I have a Master's degree in marriage and family therapy, I am a National Certified Counselor, and I am currently a PhD candidate in Human Behavior. I love motivating others and encouraging all women to be beautiful from the inside and out. To get in contact with me, you can email me at sophiareedsbook@gmail.com

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