Among the Christian singles community, there is a lingering debate on courting vs dating and which one is best and which one is right. If you are not familiar with courting, it is typically seen as two people getting to know one another for the SOLE purpose of getting married. Typically when you are courting, two people are just seeing one another and they would not court other people while courting each other. With dating, you are just going out with one another. Sometimes it can be with the intention of getting to know one another or to get married and sometimes not. With dating, there is a large possibility that the person you are dating is dating someone else. Dating does not equal a monogamous relationship unless it is implied by both parties (Click to see my blog here)
I personally do not see anything wrong with either one. I have heard many courting stories of Christian women stating that this is the way they meant their husband. But I am also not against dating and I feel like dating can be good for you. I must also mention that just because you are dating someone that does not mean that you should sleep with them (see my blog here).
Dating has actually taught me a lot. The way I see it is that I would rather go out on a date with someone, with no expectations and get to know them to see if they are someone that I would even consider going out on a second date with before I enter into a courtship. Some women have been on one date and knew automatically that this was their husband to be and began courting. This is not my personality type. I need to talk to you, to get to know you, and to determine if I even like spending five minutes with you before I determine if I want to spend the rest of my life with you. With each dating experience, good or bad, I learned something about myself. I learned what I wanted, what I did not want, or if what I thought I wanted is really not want I wanted at all. There were several learning experiences that came from dating that shaped me into the person I am today. And for me personally I would not take that back for anything.
When I used to do faith based counseling, I used to talk to several young women. Many of them got suck in the courting vs. dating dilemma. Many of them were between 18-25 and openly admitted that they did not want to court nor did they want to get married at their current age. Many of them barely knew themselves let alone what they wanted out of a marriage. But because the faith based community put pressure on young women to court, they felt torn by what they wanted and what they felt the church and their parent’s wanted.
What I feel God wants is for you NOT to sleep with multiple people. But I do not think they He is going to send you to hell because you want to date and get to know men before settling down. And that is the advice that I gave them. If you feel compelled to court then go for it. If you feel compelled to date, then go for that too. It is your life and you are going to be the one that ends up in a marriage one day. Not the person that is telling you to court. And as long as you feel like you are not doing anything inappropriate while dating, then go for what you want (read my blog here on dating tips for Christian women).
When you are considering courting vs dating; you have to do what is fitting for you and your personality. I do not feel just because you are a Christian single woman that you have to court. Some women’s personality is more befitting toward courtship, and some of us need to date you first because like me I have to know for sure that I like you before talking about married. So before even talking about marriage I need to know that I like you and you like me, and I rather do that through dating.
My advice that when you decide to court you must be clear on what you want (click here to read my blog on relationship deal breakers). I feel that you cannot jump in and talk about marriage with someone unless you know what type of person you want to marry. Dating and courtship are similar in the fact that whenever you are going out with someone you need to assess if you want to see this person again. For dating it may be going out on a second date for courting it means that you have to determine if you see yourself marrying this person.
It is your romantic life, and the last thing you want to do is to be pressured into a courtship situation if that is not what you really want. And the only person that can determine that is you. If you are a Christian woman and want to date that is okay. If you are a Christian woman and you want to court that is okay too. But let yourself be that determining factor; not your parents, not your church, not an elder, not your pastor; but YOU. You are going to be the one stuck in a marriage so let the way you chose your future husband be your decision. Courting vs dating is not a big of a deal as most people make it.