How many times have we heard the saying let God fight your battles? Yes, God will fight your battles but I am so convinced that God wants to fight your battles through you. I know that this is very unpopular because as Christians we just think that we are just supposed to sit by and let people stomp all over us as we turn the other cheek. BUT NO. No as in, there are times where we need to turn the other cheek and that is when we are not being malicious in trying to get back at others but that does not apply when it comes to drawing boundaries and allowing God to use you to fight your own battles. And you may be wondering how to know the difference. How do you know when to let go and let God and when to let God fight your battles using you to do it? Because there is a time for each and the answer is not always to just lay down and take the mistreatment of people who are mistaking your kindness for weakness just because they know you are not going to do anything about it.

Unfortunately, I made the same mistake. I used to be a very aggressive person at first. But as I grew in my Christian walk and God humbled me (which means God hurts your feelings through a series of unfortunate events) I tamed my aggression and I became very passive. That allowed people to mistake my kindness for weakness and I thought I was doing God’s will by just sitting there and allowing them to do it and forgiving them in the name of Jesus. And that is when God was like “GIRL, get up and stop allowing these people to do you wrong.” God told me that he loved the FIGHT in me, but not the aggression. Meaning that I could keep the willpower but to get rid of the aggressive way I was using it. If that makes sense?

If it makes sense to you great because it did not make sense to me, at first. God had to explain what he meant to me and God led me to study the life of David in the Bible and even Jesus. And that is when I began to understand what God meant. To have both the willpower and to use the strength of God, that allows God to fight your battles through you without being worldly in how you come at people who do you wrong (cursing, yelling, backstabbing, etc). And this is what I am going to teach you, the balance. But before we get into the post, check out my video below where I talk about the Christian clap back and how to handle people who come for you. God’s way. And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.

First, God Will Fight Your Battles through You If You Declare He Will 

So I actually have an entire video on the story of David called what to do when people don’t believe in you and what I said in that video is that it did not matter who was talking trash to David, David would always clap back BUT he would do it in the name of the living God KNOWING God would come through for him. He would not sit down and cower in fear and listen to them allowing other people to make fun of him and let people make him think less of himself.

For example, when David was going to slay Goliath not only did people not believe in him but they pretty much low key threw some shade, called him a little boy, and told him that the only thing he was good at was running around in the forest and playing with some sheep. Notice that David did not put his head down and cry and walk off, because if he had, then he would have missed his destiny. He just spoke the truth:

And Saul said “You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight him. For you are [only] a young man and he has been a warrior since his youth.”  

But David said to Saul, “Your servant was tending his father’s sheep. When a lion or a bear came and took a lamb out of the flock, I went out after it and attacked it and rescued the lamb from its mouth; and when it rose up against me, I seized it by its whiskers and struck and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; and this uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them since he has taunted and defied the armies of the living God.” David said, “The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.” 1 Samuel 17: 35-37

And this is the first lesson that we learn from David. You have to be bold in what you think or better yet KNOW God can do for you. Remember I said to be bold, not cocky. If every time someone told you something you did not like you started telling them that they do not know who they are messing with because you are a child of God that is just arrogance. So speak with boldness but be careful not to be cocky. David suffered from what I like to call spiritual cockiness (your confidence comes from God that is working in you and not yourself) that I did an entire video on that you can watch below. Which is understanding who you are in Christ, who fights on your side, and that as long as you have God on your side then you can do anything and there is no issue declaring that and believing that. And don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel by clicking here.

Second, God Will Fight Your Battles and Win Because Greater Is He That Is In You

A lot of time the reason why people cower in fear and they do not say or do anything when people come against them is because they fear the person that is coming against them and what that person can do to them. But when you do that then you realize that you are serving two masters because you are putting more fear and authority in them then you are in the one that lives in you which is the spirit of God. And if you believe that God will fight your battles through you, then you cannot be afraid of other people. How can God use you to fight your own battles if you are scared of the person that he is trying to fight the battle against?

 Let’s go back to the story of David when he was facing Goliath. And by facing, I do mean that he was face to face, with this giant and Goliath began to talk trash to David. Under normal people’s circumstances, someone would have been fearful. Here is a giant that is a warrior, is literally saying that he wants to kill you. But David did not fear not because he felt that he could kill Goliath on his own, but because He knew that God was going to use him to kill Goliath, so David did not back down. No matter how big Goliath was, God was bigger.

 The Philistine also said to David, “Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the sky and the beasts of the field.”  

Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword, a spear, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted.  This day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I will strike you down and cut off your head. And I will give the corpses of the army of the Philistines this day to the birds of the sky and the wild beasts of the earth, so that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that this entire assembly may know that the Lord does not save with the sword or with the spear; for the battle is the Lord’s and He will hand you over to us.” 1 Samuel 17: 44-47

I do not want you to get carried away thinking that God wants you to kill people or something crazy, but notice that David gave glory to God first, knowing that he was going to be used by God in order to win this battle against this giant and by some miracle putting a rock into his head like some bullet and killing him. This would seem impossible in normal people terms BUT WITH GOD, who is fighting your battles and wants you to win; anything is possible. Even defeating a giant without even laying your hands on Him. Also, check out my video below on how to fear no man, and what to do if you are facing a hostile work environment. Click here to subscribe to my YouTube Channel. 

Third, Use Your Discernment

One of the best gifts that God gives us is the Holy Spirit and with the Holy Spirit, He gives us the gifts of discernment which basically means that he can tell you anything about anyone. Take for example when Jesus was teaching and we know that some of the overly religious leaders had issues with Him, and so they set out to actually come for Jesus but they just did not do that outright, instead what they did was say one thing with their mouth (pretending to be for him) and but meant another thing when really they were trying to trap him.  

Then the Pharisees went out and laid plans to trap him in his words. They sent their disciples to him along with the Herodians. “Teacher,” they said, “we know that you are a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by others, because you pay no attention to who they are. Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not?”

But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? Matthew 22: 15-18

Noticed that Jesus knew their intent, that is something called discernment in the sense that most of the time God will just tell you how to handle people. Because while the Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus and trip him up over his words, Jesus answered perfectly thus giving the perfect Christian clap black. So when God is fighting your battle through you even when using the gift of discernment God will tell you what other people’s intentions are for you, if they are against you, what to say, how to say it, and how to handle them in a way that does not dishonor you and does not dishonor God. And because I seem to have a video on just about everything, for those who want to know more about discernment it is a spiritual gift and you can check out my video below. Which will tell you how to develop your spiritual gifts including discernment. 

Last, Just Ask God Himself How To Deal With Them

This seems so simple, right? But yet so many people just go about doing the most but they really don’t inquire what they are supposed to be doing and so they step out doing things their way, getting back at people the wrong way, or not at all and then they sit around wondering where it all went wrong wondering why God did not fight their battles for them. 

But it’s like okay, did you ever ask God what was required of you in order for Him to fight your battles? Exactly? And so now we are going to go back to David because as you can see he is one of my favorite people. 

David inquired of the LORD, “Shall I pursue this raiding party? Will I overtake them?” “Pursue them,” he answered. “You will certainly overtake them and succeed in the rescue.” 1 Samuel 30:8

Then it came about afterward that David inquired of the LORD, saying, “Shall I go up to one of the cities of Judah?” And the LORD said to him, “Go up” So David said, “Where shall I go up?” And He said, “To Hebron.” 2 Samuel 2:1

So David inquired of the LORD, saying, “Shall I go and attack these Philistines?” And the LORD said to David, “Go and attack the Philistines and deliver Keilah.” 1 Samuel 23:2

Okay, so these are just three Bible verses about David and legit I could go on and on and on and on when it comes to David inquiring upon the Lord and that is why David always knew what to do. And literally David was inquiring upon the Lord in a legit battle so it was very easy for him to win the battle because God told him where to go, what to do, how to do it, how to win, and in some cases God even told him that He was going to go before David to help him win the battle. 

When David inquired of the Lord, He said, “You shall not go up, but circle around behind them and come at them in front of the balsam trees. And when you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the balsam trees, then you shall pay attention and act promptly, for at that time the Lord will have gone out before you to strike the army of the Philistines.”   2 Samuel 5:23-24

How insane is this, that David is literally winning battles as in life or death battles, and all you are asking is for, is for God to fight your battles against other people. And I am so sure that those people are not trying to kill you. So if God can do it for David then surely He can do it for you! Amen!

Should we turn the other cheek sure, but take that in context meaning that we should not get back at people in terms of being malicious or doing things out of anger or a place of rage. If you are doing something to bring justice to yourself and your situation then do not feel bad. Do not feel bad for telling people no, for setting boundaries and to stop allowing people to use and abuse you.  Do not feel bad if God is telling you to be bold and let people know in the most Christian way possible to stop coming for you and if they don’t then they are going to have the face you and the one who fights with you and that is not a battle they are going to win. 

And like David, it is not bad to say that, it is just declaring what you know to be true. You are trying to save them from getting hurt from the one who backs you. Just like 1 Chronicle 16:22 says to not touch God’s and anointed and He anyone who touches you touches the apple of His eye Zechariah 2:8. So it is not cocky to speak the truth and it is not arrogant to operate in truth and to get your father on those who decide not to act right. Because God wants to fight your battles, God wants to give you justice, and He wants to work with you through the power of the Holy Spirit to allow that to happen. 

If you know someone who may need to read this post then please go ahead and share it with them. Plus, I have something for you. It is access to my resource library in which I give you access to free worksheets, videos, and more. Just click here or the picture below to get access now. 

The post God + You Against Your Enemies = Unstoppable (Clapping Back With God) appeared first on Sophie-sticatedmom.

If you want to know how to be a good person it is not a secret. BUT the reason why so many people struggle is that being a good person requires you to work against all these negative emotions such as jealousy, anger, gossiping, revenge, etc. and as you can guess most people cannot do that. 

I get that you are not a robot. We do feel emotions but we can learn to control them and how we act on them. Feeling anger does not mean that you have to do something out of revenge, saying something nasty to someone, and then punching them in the face. To be a good person I am going to name what you have to do in a nutshell and all of the behaviors come from the Bible.

If you are not a Christian then legit these tips will still help you. I remember on my YouTube Channel (click here to subscribe) I got a comment the other day where someone told me that the Bible is “holding people back in the world” and my response is how? The basic premise that God tells in the Bible is literally how to be a GOOD person.

All scripture is God-breathed [given by divine inspiration] and is profitable for instruction, for conviction [of sin], for correction [of error and restoration to obedience], for training in righteousness [learning to live in conformity to God’s will, both publicly and privately—behaving honorably with personal integrity and moral courage]; so that the a man of God may be complete and proficient, outfitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 (AMP)

 And if everyone was to follow these five things then the world would be a perfect place. And so they are:

• Love God. Matthew 22:36-38
• Love everyone just as you love yourself. Matthew 22:39
• Live with integrity. 2 Timothy 3:16-17
• Live with good moral character. 2 Timothy 3:16-17
• Practice fruits of the spirit with are (love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control). Galatians 5:22-23 ( to learn more about the fruits of the spirit you can see my video down below where I talk about how it helps you in your self healing process.  And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here) 

Since I have given you the formula I could probably just end the blog right here. But I won’t, I am long-winded and I have to explain each thing to teach you exactly how each one shows  you how to be a good person that way there are no excuses on your end that you don’t know how to do it. So let’s jump right on into it, shall we?

#1 You become a good person by loving God.

The issue in the world today is that there are a bunch of “religious people” in the world but saying that you are a certain religion is not the same as having a relationship with God. I have seen some religious people that are just as wicked and mean as the day is long. No judgment, but the truth is the truth.

 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” And Jesus replied to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. Matthew 22:36-38

And why is this important? Because God is love and if you love God then you will get closer to God and when you get closer to God you will start to become love too.

Beloved, let us [unselfishly] love and seek the best for one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves [others] is born of God and knows God [through personal experience]. 1 John 4:7

And I know what you may be saying, to love EVERYONE is impossible especially the ones that have hurt you and have done you wrong, and yes it is. But that is where loving God comes in since you cannot do it as a person; as you love God, you allow God to work in you and do what you can’t. Transforming your heart and giving you the ability to love others no matter what. 

But if we love one another [with unselfish concern], God abides in us, and His love [the love that is His essence abides in us and] is completed and perfected in us. 1 John 4:12

Thus bringing me to my next point,

#2 Become A Good Person By Loving Everyone As Yourself.

And this was the second commandment that Jesus gave to everyone after loving God first and it goes:

The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for others].’ Matthew 22:39

 And I know what you may be thinking: “But Sophia what happened to the 10 commandments?” Yeah, they are too hard to remember and like the Bible says they can all be summed up in the above Bible verse AND goes well beyond what was mentioned in the 10 commandments.

The whole Law and the [writings of the] Prophets depend on these two commandments. Matthew 22: 40

I mean think about it. If you were to see the highest good for everyone else and treat them just like you would yourself how could you NOT be a good person? Would you cheat on yourself? No. Would you deny yourself a promotion if you knew you deserved it? No. Would you sit around lying to yourself, making fun of yourself, and stealing from yourself? Lord, I hope not. And if you would, then that is another issue altogether. 

Which is why, it says to treat them like yourself (and just in case you have issues with yourself) it also adds seeks the highest good for other people to prevent any confusion. So when you do that, you are a good person.

#3 Be a good person by your moral character:

To understand how to be a good person by your morals you must first understand what morals are:   By definition, moral character is the existence or lack of virtues such as integrity, courage, fortitude, honesty, and loyalty.

Now let’s break down each one of these words so that you can understand how this helps you be a good person. Why these are things you need to have and should not have. When it comes to the world integrity we will talk about that specific word below. As for the rest, they are as follows:

Courage: mental or moral strength to venture, persevere and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty.  I am not telling you to go out and put your life at risk or anything like that but think of it more in these terms. How many times have you lacked the courage to stand up for someone when you knew you should have? Have you seen someone that was being bullied and you just sat there and said nothing but felt bad about it later? Did you bend on what you KNEW was right just because you were scared to stand up for what you believed in because you did not want to go against the crowd? That is what I mean by courage. That you are willing to stand up and do the right thing simply because it is right and not allow other people to influence you because you are afraid of what other people may think about you. 

Fortitude: When someone has fortitude it means that they have emotional power or reserves and the ability to withstand adversity.  Sad to say so many people lack fortitude. This may be an extreme but a great example but think of it this way. If you were broke, and you had an opportunity to steal from someone knowing that you would not get caught would you? The ability to be a good person is the ability to do what is right simply because it is right and even when no one is looking. A good person will deal with them being broke on their own without actually stealing from someone else without causing someone else pain.

Honestly: We all know what honestly is, but the biggest thing about honestly in regards to how to be a good person is not just telling the truth BUT not doing things that you have to lie for, which I spoke about in my works of the devil video that you can watch below. It would not make you a good person if you kill someone only to be honest about it when the police ask you did you do it. Yes, you were honest but you killed someone and that is not a trait of a good person. What would make you a good person would be to not do things you do not have to lie about. And if you did have to tell the truth about something, it would not matter because what you did was not something bad anyway.

Loyalty: a feeling of strong support for someone or something. BUT you have to remember what I said earlier that you should love everyone. Meaning that you should be loyal to everyone but not in the sense that you do something crazy by being loyal to one person. So you cannot say that your loyalty means you are a good person because someone has asked you to hide a dead body and you did it to show your loyalty. Is that in the greatest good for the person who died or for that person’s family and who wondered what happened to the person who died? NO. That would only be in the greater good for the person who is a killer. AKA the bad person and that is not loyalty. 

#4 You Will Be A Good Person When You Live With Integrity

The definition of integrity is: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles that you refuse to change.

We already know what honestly is and we know what morals are because I just defined them above. Now you may be wondering what are the “principles” that you must stay true to and refuse to change? You may think because each person may have their different viewpoints of what their principles are. And once again I repeat back to you go back to tip #2 when it says to love your neighbor as yourself and seek the highest good for them. This is the universal principle of being a good person. In case you are STILL confused I want to follow up with the following verse on what your principles should be:

Finally, all of you be like-minded [united in spirit], sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted [courteous and compassionate toward each other as members of one household], and humble in spirit; and never return evil for evil or insult for insult [avoid scolding, berating, and any kind of abuse], but on the contrary, give a blessing [pray for one another’s well-being, contentment, and protection]; for you have been called for this very purpose, that you might inherit a blessing [from God that brings well-being, happiness, and protection]. 1 Peter 3:8-10

Case in point:

A lesson on integrity and morality the story of Daniel. I was listening to the story of Daniel the other day (yes listening not reading) and I was reminded of the character of Daniel. I know a lot of people get fearful of being a “good person” or living by the above rules because people want to live by the world’s rules or bend because they want their boss to like them. And so they do something that is morally wrong or that lacks integrity. I always feel that if you are a good person then God has your back, take for example.

Then the [other two] commissioners and the satraps began trying to find a reason to bring a complaint against Daniel concerning the [administration of the] kingdom; but they could find no reason for an accusation or evidence of corruption, because he was faithful [a man of high moral character and personal integrity], and no negligence or corruption [of any kind] was found in him. Daniel 6: 3-4

Meaning when you do the right thing and are a good person (even if it is not popular) then you have to believe that God will have your back and bless you in the long run. That is something that I like to call spiritual cockiness which you can watch my video below on what. And don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here. 

#5 Be a Good Person by Staying Away From the Work of the Flesh and Practicing the Works of the Spirit 

The fruits of the spirit are the opposite of the works of the flesh and they are what keeps you in check whenever you want to do something crazy otherwise known as doing something that would make you do something dumb and be a bad person. I have a full blog on the works of the flesh so I won’t mention every single works of the flesh but I will mention the main ones that I think you will relate to the most:

Immorality (the opposite of being moral we talked about this above)  

Total irresponsibility (knowing that you are drunk and choosing to drive, creating children and not taking care of them, making bad decisions and blaming other people for your behavior). 

Lack of self-control – (Being an internet troll or bully, fighting someone just because they say something you do not like, stealing because you cannot help it, cheating on your spouse because you “feel” you cannot help yourself). 

Idolatry ~ Being overly materialistic or caring about money too much especially when you are willing to kill, steal, destroy, and step on other people to get what you want. 

Sorcery ~ Cursing people, saying you want someone to die, wishing harm on them (your words do have power). And then, of course, do not try to put spells or something crazy on people. 

Hostility strife, fits of anger, disputes, dissensions ~ anger outburst, hitting people, causing court disputes for no reason as in trying to just sue any and everyone for money just because you want to be greedy. Being hostile toward people, being racist, sexist, and arguing with people for no reason.

Jealousy ~ self-explanatory. Click here to read my blog on how to control your jealousy. 

Drunkenness, riotous behavior ~ You can drink BUT to the point that you are drunk that you cannot stand up and cannot remember your actions, you are angry, fighting people, raping people, or causing riots. 

To be a good person do the opposite of the above behavior (found in Galatians 5:19-21) and instead do what is called the fruits of the spirit found in (Galatians 5:22-23). And to be a good person I mean pretty much practice all of these and you cannot go wrong: 

Love ~ (unselfish concern for others) as we already spoke about.

Joy ~ (inner peace) because happiness comes from within. When you are happy with yourself it is a lot easier to be happy with the world around you and treat them as such.

Patience ~ with other people. That means not getting angry or upset with the cashier who got your order messed up in the drive-through and then saying something mean because you feel they are not moving fast enough. But instead just being patient understanding it’s just not that serious and that your reaction is off of you being selfish, you lacking the ability to understand or behavior in what way. 

Kindness and goodness ~ being nice and good to other people. Not trying to judge them because of what YOU think they should be doing or who you perceive them to be. But being kind and good to them simply because they are a person.

Self-control~ Not saying something crazy to someone even if they said something crazy to you. Not cheating on your spouse or partner because you can CONTROL yourself. Not being vengeful and retaliating against people because you want to, you are jealous of them, or even if you feel like they did something to you. 

And, literally, that is how to become a good person. It is not that complicated, right? I know you may be thinking that it may require you to be perfect and none of us are perfect but you can at least work on yourself and improve. Each day try to make an ACTUAL EFFORT (do not just say you tried to make an effort but not really try). But make a REAL effort to change your behavior and the more you do it will become easier and easier, and you will get better and better at it. Also, don’t forget to check out my video on the woman that God wants you to be that will give you more tips on how to be a good person that is specific to women.

And if you know someone that may need to read this blog then go ahead and share it with them. And I have something for you that will help you change your behavior and it is called my Christian Manifestation Guide with both affirmations and Bible scriptures that will help change the way you think and ultimately the way you act. Click here or the picture below to buy.

The post 5 Universal Laws That Teach You How To Be A Good Person appeared first on Sophie-sticatedmom.

I want to talk about how to deal with depression and anxiety as a Christian. I also understand that what I am about to say maybe a little out of the box for some of you who are expecting normal worldly ways as an answer to both depression and anxiety. But before you dismiss what I am saying as being some psychopath Bible thumbing charismatic Christian hear me out. First, I am a mental health professional, second I was someone who suffered from depression and anxiety, and last I am a Christian. So trust, I am very aware of what the feeling is. In my book for single moms (Click here to buy) I stated the following on where my issues stemmed from with both depression and anxiety.

As a single mother, I have gone through so many things, especially when it came to money. I never really got a steady stream of child support, mainly because my child’s father was in prison for seven years after my son was born. After I got laid off from my job, the only emotion I felt was FEAR and ANXIETY. I felt fear when I heard a truck in my neighborhood, thinking they were coming to turn the lights off because I was late paying my utilities. I felt fear over not knowing how I was going to get food or pay my son’s tuition so that he could keep going to school. I was a nervous wreck about any and everything. Because everything was going so wrong, and I did not know what tomorrow would bring, I felt fear and anxiety all of the time. 

When I lost my job a few days before closing on my home that was when the anxiety and depression came in big time. Would you believe that I had anxiety so bad that I would literally shake or I did not want to check the mailbox or face anything in the real world because I thought that if I did not see the problems, know about problems, then I could pretend that the outside world and problems and fears associated with it did not exist. Thinking that would prevent me from feeling anxiety. Though that did not work it did not stop me from trying. 

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, I become a single mom on my own, and my son’s father was in prison with a rotation of women swirling around him. I felt like everything was always falling on me and I could NOT COPE. Life was happening and there was not anything I could do about it.  I had destructive situations with men, all of which contributed to my ongoing depression for years on end. It was not until I lost my job that anxiety came in. You can click here to my full story on that situation, watch the video below where I talk about my journey and don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel by clicking here.

During all of this, I still had to keep going. I still had a child I needed to take care of and I still had graduate degrees to obtain. And it was through this process (as I said in my last depression blog) that I begin to fight the depression and the anxiety. So much so that I do not suffer from it anymore NOT AT ALL.

Do not believe the hype that you just have to sit there and do nothing about your depression or your anxiety because it is a chemical imbalance in your brain. You can do a lot. And the best thing is that you have God on your side as a Christian and He can help you fight. Do not buy into the worldly way of viewing mental illness that you are just a victim and you have to live your life in eternal suffering at the mercy of your mental illness and there is nothing that you can do about it. That is not true. I say this as a mental health professional, I say this as a Christian, and I say this as someone who has overcome both depression and anxiety and am stronger because of it. And now I want to teach you how to deal with depression and anxiety as a Christian as well. Let’s get into it, shall we?

Depression, anxiety, and the Christian life. Know who you belong to.

As a Christian, you belong to God and the same spirit that raised Jesus (Romans 6:10-11) is living in you. And if that spirit can raise Jesus from the dead do you not think that God cannot heal you from your depression and anxiety? Remember what the Bible says about the Holy Spirit:

But the [a]Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor—Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name [in My place, to represent Me and act on My behalf], He will teach you all things. And He will help you remember everything that I have told you. John 14:26  (AMP)

When it came down to my depression and my anxiety:

 I remember one day God told me this (also an excerpt from my single mom’s book)

The Bible teaches us: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

This was a hard lesson to learn. Even when I had no job when it took me so long to get another one, and when I was underpaid and still struggling. It took years to get to a spot where I did not feel like I was broke all of the time. But in the midst of that emotion, I stopped fearing. I learned that no matter how many things were not going the way I wanted them to, worrying did not change anything, nor did it get me anywhere.

 “Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matthew 6:27

What does worrying get you? It almost got me a nervous breakdown, and I am not being funny. I was a nervous wreck. But what can you change by worrying? If they were going to turn my lights off, then they were going to turn my lights off. Me worrying was not going to fix that. What was going to fix it was trusting in God. Because God was the one that provided for me the entire time, despite my worrying and nervousness.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 6:25

My depression and anxiety stemmed from the lack of control I had in my life or my situation. I realized that God had my back and no matter how depressed I was or no matter how much anxiety I had nothing good was coming out of it and it was separating me from God. And that is when it dawned on me that this was the point. Which brings me to my next lesson in all of this. 

Dealing with Anxiety and Depression as a Christian Realize Where It Comes From

 As a Christian, you believe in God and so you must also believe in the devil.

The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows]. John 10:10 (AMP)

As I said in my understanding the devil series which you can watch the video below, God intended for us to be perfect. It was not until Adam and Eve ate the fruit that all the sickness came in and we know that because of the following Bible verse:

Then a demon-possessed man who was blind and mute was brought to Jesus, and He healed him, so that the mute man both spoke and saw. Matthew 12:22

The reason why I brought up this Bible verse is because note that the Bible verse states that a man was mute and blind and also considered to be demon-possessed. Not because the man was evil but because any imperfection such as sickness and issues with mental health is not of God and came into the world when the devil did. And it is something that we are all susceptible to simply because we are God’s children and the devil wants to jack up our day. If you do not believe me read the entire book of Job where the devil came to God and asked permission to inflict all type of sickness on Job (Job 1:6-22).  My point is that, are you going to allow the devil’s vendetta against God and to come to play in your head, take you away from God, and ruin your life? To avoid this:

So submit to [the authority of] God. Resist the devil [stand firm against him] and he will flee from you. James 4:7

I will tell you exactly how to resist the devil when he wants to make your mind his playground below.  Watch my video on works of the devil below and click here to subscribe to my channel.

Suffering from depression and anxiety? How Not To Suffer Forever

I highly recommend you read my blog on Tamar, but I want to give a quick account of what I said. Tamar was raped by her half-brother Amnon and after the horrific act (because it is horrific) occurred she fled and she led the rest of her life into obscurity.

“Now she had on a long-sleeved garment; for in this manner the virgin daughters of the king dressed themselves in robes. Then his attendant took her out and locked the door behind her. Tamar put ashes on her head and tore her long-sleeved garment which was on her; and she put her hand on her head and went away, crying aloud as she went.” 2 Samuel 13:19-20

There is a point out of all of this as it relates to how to deal with depression and anxiety, I promise, stick with me. Things happen to us, things in life suck, and things in life are not fair. What happened to Tamar was worthy of being depressed and having anxiety BUT her inability to realize that she was a daughter of a king is what made her entire life purposeless. That moment robbed her of everything. The only person that ripped off her robes were Tamar because she forgot who she belongs to. And so she allowed what happened to her ruin her entire life. And that is what I do not want your depression and anxiety to happen to you.

And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman. 2 Samuel 13:26

We all have problems, we have all been through things, but you do have to decide for yourself will your depression and will your anxiety be conquered now or will you allow it to haunt you forever. Taking away from the wonderful life that you could live.

How this thinking transformed my depression and anxiety 

If I would have given into my anxiety and my depression I would have failed out of school, I would not have a Masters let alone a Ph.D. I would have not eventually been able to get a better job due to my education and I would still have been stuck in that same place feeling the same thing. I would not have this blog, not be an Amazon bestselling author, none of it. And I want you to think about that. Do you want what you suffer from to rob you of your entire future and your existence, because it can, and it will if you allow it? 

I also want you to check out a video that I did on K. Michelle and how she thinks ALL MEN are bad. This is just a prime example of someone’s inability to heal and how her mindset is keeping her from an actual positive relationship and she does not even realize it. 

How to deal with depression and anxiety, what you can do now?

Now that you understand how to deal with depression and anxiety from a spiritual standpoint, I hope that it gave you both the strength and the hope to fight at any cost against it and not just let it happen to you. 

The first step in learning how to deal with depression and anxiety is to renew your mind.

Depression and anxiety happen in your mind so you need to renew your mind all the time to actively work against it. 

And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you]. Romans 12:2

As we know that God’s will for you is to not suffer and have anxiety or depression and that these are worldly things we must suffer from simply because we live in an imperfect world. I highly recommend the book from Joyce Meyers the Battlefield of the mind (Click my affiliate link to buy) 

According to Joyce Meyer, worry, doubt, confusion, depression, anger, and feelings of condemnation: all these are attacks on the mind. Joyce Meyer teaches millions through this book, how to deal with thousands of thoughts that people think every day and how to focus the mind the way God thinks. And she shares the trials, tragedies, and ultimate victories from her own marriage, family, and ministry that led her to wondrous, life-transforming truth-and reveals her thoughts and feelings every step of the way.

And in case you have no idea who Joyce Meyer’s is, know that she was someone who grew up in abuse and being raped by her father as a child up until her teens and she is unaffected by it, unlike Tamar she did not rip off her royal robes and she renewed her mind. Whereas she spoke extensively about her brother who died, who was unable to get passed what they endured as a child and got deeper into drugs and lived a life of homelessness and recklessness. Do you see how the devil wants to steal your life and your future, what side do you choose? Life or death?

I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse; therefore, you shall choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants. Deuteronomy 30:19

The second step is to get professional help

As someone who has done counseling I highly recommend counseling from the right type of people. I recommend counseling as a way to teach you how to cope with your depression and your anxiety understanding that counseling is not forever but to teach you the skills you need when the attacks come on you. Ideally, getting a faith-based counselor would be good for you as well so they can feed you spiritually. 

As far as medication, I am not against it but also understand medication is not a forever way to cope nor it is a cure. Rather it is a mask and it covers the symptoms and when you come off the medication your anxiety and depression will return because you have never dealt with the underlying issue. 

So if you choose medication also choose counseling, counseling groups, and even pastoral counseling. Choose treatment that is actively helping you deal with both your depression and anxiety and do not be dependent solely on the medication.

Third, take the power from the pain 

In the song that I wrote as my single mom anthem (see video below), one of the lines that I said was to take the power from the pain. When I went through my anxiety and depression did it suck? YES. But as I cleared the foggy thoughts of both the depression and the anxiety I got to see the point of it all. It was to make me stronger and what I went through also gave me a purpose so that I could help others. 

Going through what I went through also taught me to let go and just to trust God. I got so tired of just feeling that way that I just gave it to God and said whatever was going to happen was going to happen and the fact of the matter was is that here I am, still standing, I am still strong, or even stronger. What I went through did not kill me, it did not destroy me, I did not starve to death, and I did not remain jobless forever. I was able to figure out a way to pay my bills and I was not sitting in the house with no food, water, or utilities and I did not end up homeless on the street. All the things that I feared and had anxiety about never happened. When I choose to let go, the opposite happened, I allowed it to make me stronger. 

And not only this but [with joy] let us exult in our sufferings and rejoice in our hardships, knowing that hardship (distress, pressure, trouble) produces patient endurance;  and endurance, proven character (spiritual maturity); and proven character, hope and confident assurance [of eternal salvation]. Such hope [in God’s promises] never disappoints us, because God’s love has been abundantly poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:3-5

I know to rejoice in your suffering is a strong word, because I do not think that I rejoiced but at the very least I understood what it was for. It made me stronger and I also kept telling myself that God will never put more on you than you can bear.

No temptation [regardless of its source] has overtaken or enticed you that is not common to human experience [nor is any temptation unusual or beyond human resistance]; but God is faithful [to His word—He is compassionate and trustworthy], and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability [to resist], but along with the temptation He [has in the past and is now and] will [always] provide the way out as well, so that you will be able to endure it [without yielding, and will overcome temptation with joy]. 1 Corinthians 10:13

God would not let you have depression or anxiety if he did not have the full confidence that you could fight it. So fight!

I hope that this blog helped you learn how to deal with depression and anxiety the Christian way. No, it is not the traditional “take some pills forever and count to three and poof your anxiety and depression is gone.” But what I am saying worked for me and I am confident that it will work for you. How I did it and how I am teaching you to do it, is hard. It requires strength but if you can do it trust me there will be little that will come against you again as far as your mental health. Once you have faced and conquered a giant, regular battles don’t seem so hard.

If you know a Christian wanting to know how to deal with depression and anxiety go ahead and share this post with them.  I talk so much about my book for single moms that if you are a single mom I want to give you the first chapter for free and it is an Amazon bestseller. Click here to buy the book or click here or the picture below to get the first chapter for free. 

The post Learn Exactly How To Deal With Depression And Anxiety As A Christian appeared first on Sophie-sticatedmom.

Do you keep asking yourself why is God keeping me single? I remember I used to ask God the same thing and that is when God decided to answer me and the answer was a hard dose of reality and it was not pretty. Because the answer was not about OTHER people, the answer was that God was keeping me single because there were some things that I needed to improve in myself. I think that we can get so consumed on why God is not giving us a relationship this becomes our entire focus. In my case, there were some things OR A LOT of things that God wanted me to heal from before he brought me a relationship.

I remember I used to sit in the one spot in my home and just whine, complain, and pray so hard about God not giving me a man. BUT that is the flaw, in the sense that if I was obsessed about a relationship THAT much then that was an issue that means that it had become an idol. And so single women I am going to tell you as God told me, why He is keeping you single and what you can do about it.

1. Why God is keeping me single because you have a purpose.

Relationships are fulfilling don’t get me wrong but I do not think that God went through all the trouble of forming you in your mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5) just so that you can be a girlfriend, wife, or attached to a man? I think that God gave you, your unique talents and purpose that He wants you to do in this life independent of anyone else and that when you do that the man will naturally come.

For we [believers will be called to account and] must all appear before the [a]judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be repaid for what has been done in the body, whether good or [b]bad [that is, each will be held responsible for his actions, purposes, goals, motives—the use or misuse of his time, opportunities and abilities]. 2 Corinthians 5:10 (AMP)

When you are single what I want you to reflect on is how you are spending your time, what things are God presenting in front of you that you are not taking advantage of, perhaps because you are so focused on a man. One of the things that God told me on why He was keeping me single was that I had a purpose and perhaps that when I started to go about that purpose then I would meet the man along the way. But the refusal to move up was going to keep me stuck. Because the fact is that when I listened to God He was right. I do not date the same type of man and I know what man would be equally yoked with me. That was only possible when I found out what in the world I was supposed to be doing with my life and not focusing on the man that was not in my life.

Also, be sure to check out my video on why you should chase purpose and not a man where I go into more detail about this. And subscribe to my channel by clicking here.  

2. God is keeping you single because relationships are your idol.

I know we know about the whole 10 commandants and even works of the flesh about having idols. Most people associate this with having other Gods BUT NO. It is anything that you want or desire more than God.

So put to death and deprive of power the evil longings of your earthly body [with its sensual, self-centered instincts] immorality, impurity, sinful passion, evil desire, and greed, which is [a kind of] idolatry [because it replaces your devotion to God]. Colossians 3:5 (AMP)

So perhaps all of the energy that you have put thinking about a relationship or even wanting a relationship should be put back in God. Relationships are not evil BUT when you long for them so much that it is all you think about and all you want then that is an idol because an idol replaces your devotion to God. And God is a jealous God, God is jealous for you and He is NEVER going to give you something that will take your focus off of him. Ideally, a relationship drives you closer to God not away from or replace.

I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy because I have promised you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ. 2 Corinthians 11:2 (AMP)

3. Why is God keeping me single perhaps it is because you need to heal

We all have baggage that is just a fact of life, having baggage is not the issue but having baggage and not being aware of it and not dealing with it is the issue. If you have low self-esteem, then you will attract men that will take advantage of that. If you are needy or have daddy issues then you will attract toxic and emotionally abusive men. And if by chance, you do get a good man even with all of your issues, it will be hard for you to have a healthy relationship because your baggage will be crowding up the entire relationship because it is not dealt with. And either he will leave or the relationship would just be unbearable. No one wants to take on all the responsibility of your undealt with baggage

No one is perfect. We all have baggage even I have baggage BUT I have learned to deal with it. It is a very sad day when I see women who have baggage and they do not even know it. They swear up and down that they are ready to be in a relationship but they got all of these problems and God knows that if you were to join you with the other person that your issues will just transfer over to them and that is not fair. Which brings me to my next point.

4. God is keeping you single because you are toxic

I am a woman and I have encountered other toxic women so I can only imagine how some of these men feel when dealing with some of you. Some of them whine, complain, and yell way too much. And make a mountain over a molehill, every little thing is an issue. For the Bible clearly states:

A constant dripping on a day of steady rain, and a contentious (quarrelsome) woman are alike; whoever attempts to restrain her [criticism] might as well try to stop the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand. Proverbs 27:15-20

Meaning that some of your mouths are wreckless, some of you are doing way too much and do not know how to talk to people. When you read the Proverbs 31 woman which I recommend all of you do it says this:

The heart of her husband trusts in her [with secure confidence], and he will have no lack of gain. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good and not evil. All the days of her life. Proverbs 31: 11-12

That means you have to ask yourself who you are in a relationship. Can a man trust you? Are you out with other men flirting? Are you encouraging or are you just yelling all the time telling him that you are going to leave if you don’t get what you want? If you are toxic energy when you are in a relationship then you need to figure out a way to heal from that as no man wants to be infected with it. A great place to start would be to check out my video on the type of woman God wants you to be. Which you can watch below.

5. Why Is God Keeping Me Single, It is because you don’t know what love is.

I was a big offender of this. For some reason, women think that it is our purpose to be the ride or die chick even to men who refuse to men. And we somehow feel that this is the true essence of love when that is simply NOT true. When you read the following Bible verse:

Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Although no one is perfect and perhaps we can never find this true form of love we should at least try to both be and find someone that is like this. I talk about my emotionally abusive relationship with my son’s father and it was everything that was the opposite of this. So if you keep getting yourself into the wrong type of relationship then God is not going to keep allowing you to hurt your self. Your singleness is to protect you until you can recognize real love and accept that this is God’s will for you and not some jacked-up version of it. Also, check out my video below on when love is not enough.

6. God is keeping you single because you have nothing to offer.

Leave it to me to keep it real with you. Some of you women have nothing to offer and have the nerve to want the BEST possible man. The fact of the matter is that when God created Eve he created her to be a companion to the man.   

But for Adam there was not found a helper [that was] suitable (a companion) for him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and while he slept, He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. 22 And the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man He made (fashioned, formed) into a woman, and He brought her and presented her to the man. Genesis 2:4-3:24 (AMP)

Relationships are not just about sex, it is not just about a man giving you money, in fact, relationships are NOT all about you. You have to bring something to a relationship. No one wants to feel used and no one wants to feel like they are getting into a relationship with someone that has nothing to offer. In the book Played or Be Played (which you can click here to buy but fair warning it has some profanity in it and I also talk about this in my patron (which you can click here and become a member of). He rates women A to F and the F woman are the desperate women that have nothing to offer. The A women are the attractive women that have their life together and have everything to offer which is why they have their choice of men. Figure out which one you fall into and became an A woman and as I said if you need help doing that then join my patreon.

I know some of these tips are not ones that you want to hear but if you are asking yourself why is God keeping me single then you know that the only person you can change is you. It can be some of these reasons or it can be none of this BUT it is best to always continue working on yourself so that you can both attract and be the ideal partner.

If you know someone that may need to read this blog then go ahead and share it with them. PLUS, I have a book for Christian single women that you can buy here and it is even on audible. If, you are not sure if the book is for you then click here or the picture below to get the first chapter free.

The post God Is Keeping You Single Because of These 6 Reasons appeared first on Sophie-sticatedmom.

I have been using Stitch Fix for a few months now and I wanted to talk answer the question is Stitch Fix worth it? In short, YES I do think so. I think it is a great way to experiment with new ways of finding style. I mean think about it, you have a stylist, dressing you and if you do not like the clothes you can just send the back. You do not have to worry about trying to figure things out on your own or having buyer’s remorse.

As you all know I am about leveling up, being classy, and finding your own personal style. I also know that so many people struggle knowing how to even do this or where to even start. I do have a blog on how to find your personal style that you can read here but I think that this is really where Stitch Fix can come in and help you out if you are lost. I am a pretty stylishly adventurous person but I must even admit that since actually being a part of Stitch Fix it has encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone and help me try new clothing items that I would not have otherwise done. Now, before I get into my full Stitch Fix review, be sure to check out my video below on how to level up from your ex (but really how to level up period) because I actually did mention Stitch fix in this video and you can click here to get $25 off your fix box. Plus don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel by clicking here.

But First Stitch Fix What in the World Is It

In case you are confused about what in the world I am even talking about it, Stitch Fix is a subscription service for clothes. At first, it sounded a little odd to me to as in why in the world would I want other people to pick out my clothes. But once I understood it, it was cool. Stitch fix can be good for men, women, children, maternity or any and everyone. You fill out a style profile which I will talk more about below.

You pick how often you want to receive a box, and when you get the box you choose what clothes you want to keep and you choose which ones you don’t want to keep. Now, if you do not like anything then you send all the clothes back in a pre-postage bag that they give you and if you like one or two things then you keep what you like and send the rest back. If you like all 5 things this is where you will get lucky. Yes, you have to pay for all 5 things but you will get an additional 20% off if you keep all 5 items and with any items you keep Stitch Fix will take away the $25 subscription fee. So even if you keep a $25 shirt then really you are keeping an item for free. You can choose to get a box once a month, once a week, or even two times a week. You can also choose to be styled by the same stylist or a different stylist if you want and you can rate the type of clothes that you like or did not like so that you can get better items in the future now. 

Is Stitch Fix Worth It? Or Better Yet How To Make It Worth It

Stitch fix has been worth it for me because I went into it with an intention. I did not want to go into it with the intention of getting the same ole stuff that I have been wearing getting the same stuff that I already have in my closet. Otherwise, I could just shop for myself. I also did not go into it thinking that I wanted to get all of these luxury brands or that I was going to spend a crazy about of money on clothing items or on unrealistic items that I was not going to wear.

For this reason, you need to set your preference on what you are actually going to wear, your current lifestyle and your current budget. When you sign up, Stitch Fix will ask you all these things. If you know that you are balling on a budget then why in the world are you going to set your price range for over $200 and when you get your box you are mad because everything is overpriced. I selected as cheap as possible for everything but that I am open to boutique stuff. And I also chose the type of stores that I shopped at so they will not send me items from that store they can send me similar more affordable items. (Click my referral link here and get $25 toward your first box)

Also, choose what you wear.

I am a working woman and even when I do not work I do tend to dress up. I rarely go to places where I am wearing a cocktail dress so I am not going to set my preferences for that. If you do that is a sure way to end up with things that you do not want or are never going to wear.

Also, if you have a Pinterest board as I do for fashion (Click here) you can link that to your Stitch Fix. If you do not have one I highly suggest that you create one. Because the person styling you is going to look at it. Put items on there that you like or want to try. The key here is that you want to step out of your comfort zone. If you like it great you found something new if not you send it back no money wasted.

Is Stitch Fix Worth It? Yes, but make sure you fill out your style profile.

When you fill out the style profile I know it can seem a little obsessive but you need to do it as much as possible. Do it in the beginning. And be honest, do not just like everything just because and try to step outside of the box a bit. In the sense that maybe you may not have worn something like that but you like the outfit or you would be willing to try it.

Give feedback for each item in your Stitch Fix Box. Some of the boxes may be great and some may be off BUT you need to give feedback either way that is the only way that this will start to work. Were the clothes too big? Too expensive? Did the style not work for you? Was the color off? Whatever it is, give feedback on each box for each item. What you liked and what you disliked that way the items you get can get better and better. Also, you have the option of choosing different stylist or keeping the same one. If you feel like a stylist is really on point then stay with them. Stitch fix has a lot of options with making it work for you.

Come back daily and rate. Okay so maybe daily is too much but when you can try to log in to Stitch fix and rate, it does not take long at all. Each day Stitch fix will give you items from various categories for you to rate to see if you love it or hate it, once again this will help you out to really find good pieces that fit your body type ones that you really want to wear.

My Overall Stitch Fix Review

As far as my Stitch Fix Review I can say that my review has been overall positive. I have gotten some versatile clothing in which I can wear to work and I can wear out and about which is what I normally like. I have also gotten clothing that I probably would not have worn or picked out for myself otherwise.

When it came to my first box, it was spot on. I kept everything in the box but then there were other boxes that I chose not to keep. So I understood right off the back that it was a hit or miss. I also understand that just because I said as cheap as possible that this is a subjective term, what one person cheap is, is not another person’s cheap. Meaning that there were times that even though I wanted to keep something I would send it back because $75 for a white t-shirt no matter how cute was just way too expensive.

Also, remember (AND THIS IS IMPORTANT) to try everything on. Something can look so plain and basic and it may even look like you may not like it. But remember, for me Stitch fix is really worthwhile when you want to find a new type of style and you are able to experiment because if you don’t like something you can just send the clothes back. And you have stylish that are able to pick clothes that are unique to you with the understanding that you still want to step out of your comfort zone or have more work clothes or even find clothes that are more flattering to your body type.

And if for whatever reason you have a wedding, date, or even coming up you can change your style profile at any time. The date and what you want in your next box so you can have new fashion items. I have changed my profile many times since being on my weight loss. You can also skip a box if you do not want to get one for the next month. So to me, it really is a win, win situation. Once again if Stitch Fix is something that you want to try then go ahead and use my referral link and get your first box $25 toward your first box. 

So, to answer your question is Stitch Fix worth it, yes I personally think so. No matter what budget you are on I think it can help you step out and try something new so even if you try just one box, see how you feel about it. 

If you know a fashionista that may want to try Stitch Fix but she is undecided then go ahead and share this post with her. Also, if you are interested in more tips about leveling up, no matter if it is your fashion, life, career, or whatever then check out my Patreon. Where for $5 a month you get access to exclusive content, past, present, and future where I talk about all things leveling up. Click here to join, OR if you are undecided and you want to hear the first podcast episode for free on “What is leveling up exactly, and what it is I teach” click here.

Learn the secrets that will change your life. Or better yet level up your life. For the better. Become that woman who looks better, dates better, and who is better. This is EXACTLY what I teach through my Patreon.

The post Is Stitch Fix Worth It? Or Better Yet How To Make It Worth It appeared first on Sophie-sticatedmom.

The post The Song To Listen To When you Need To Keep Going As A Single Mom appeared first on Sophie-sticatedmom.

I am going to teach you some ways on how to become more attractive. Or I should say how to become more naturally attractive. This will not be a post full of plastic surgery tips but rather tips that everyone can do to enhance your own God-given features beauty. I believe that any and EVERYONE can become more attractive naturally. The fact of the matter is that beauty is subjective, meaning that it is in the eye of the beholder. Any woman can be beautiful to anyone at any time. What is one person’s 10 is another person’s 1, which why I am not going to teach you how to look like someone else or imitate someone else’s beauty BUT what I will teach you is how to capitalize on your own personal beauty and how to become more attractive in your own way.

But before we get into the post, I want to encourage you to head over to my Patreon and check out what I like to call my “Level Up Academy” where I deliver exclusive content on how you can level up in your life from becoming attractive from both my mind, body, soul, and your spirit because that is what I think true attraction is. Which brings me to my first point.

Tip #1 Know That Attraction Runs More than Skin Deep

The first thing that you need to realize is that you do not need to just relay on outside attraction. There is a lot of pretty in the world and there are a lot of pretty women relying on their pretty that are as dumb as a box of rocks and cannot hold a conversation. And how many times have you seen a pretty woman that is either mean, has no intelligence, is just about her looks, or has no personality. I can almost bet that all of a sudden that attractive woman’s attractiveness goes down by like 5 points. 

Case in point:

In the book Played or Be Played (which you can click here to buy and a disclaimer it does have some profane language in it BUT GREAT advice). In any case, the author classifies women into 5 different levels but I want to focus on the top two because both are attractive but one (the B class female) ONLY relies on her looks for attraction.

A-Class Females (Beauty, Brains, Intelligence, & an Actual Personality).

The A-class female, also known as the top-notch female, is the lady that other women aspire to be. The most admirable thing about the A-class female is that she could have easily re-lied strictly on her beauty to get whatever she wanted out of life, but she chose to make that extra effort to upgrade her herself.  That means being smart, successful, having a personality, being confidence, strong-willed, and even having a sense of humor. When it comes to attraction these are the type of women men want by their side.

B-Class

The B-class female is an attractive female who relies solely on her looks to get by in life. The B-class female will usually get the basic necessities out of life. They think all they have to do is to look good and people will pay them for it. But the B class woman rarely comes up in life. When it comes to relationship these are the type of women men will have sex with and even look at no. Because their attraction is only skin deep.

What’s my point?

My point is that attraction is more than just what you look like. You can never out pretty someone because there is going to always be someone out there that is more attractive then you physically BUT there are a lot fewer women who are the complete package. And a woman that is the complete package is more attractive.

How To Become More Attractive Tip #2 Love The Skin Your In

I am 35 all day every day but I bet I do no look it. Now some of these are genes of course. But it is still important to do what you can do and to be good to your skin and being good to your skin will keep you looking young and attractive.  Here are my tips:

Acne & Hyperpigmentation:

I have suffered from both as an adult and now I don’t. I use Curology. You can see some of my before pictures above I personally love Culorogy because it is like having a personal dermatologist. You send your before pictures, without makeup, give a profile of your skin, and a nurse practitioner comes up with a formula for whatever skin issues you have. It is like having your personal prescription.  Click my referral link here to get your own bottle. 

Keep your skin tight:

My mother taught me a great secret from a young age. That when you apply any lotion or skin cream on your face, always rub up against or outward. Never down because you will be pulling the skin down over time and therefore making your skin sag.

Go to products to keep your skin tight and right.

Other go-to products for your skin include skin makes. Choose masks, which go with the skin issues you struggle with. For example, if you want firm skin go with a skin firming mask, if you want tighter pores then go with a mask that does that, etc. Also, I love these under eye patches for eye bags because Lord knows that bags underneath your eyes can age you and thus make your look less attractive.


 

Tip #3 How to Become More Attractive With Your Body

I talk about my journey of gaining and losing a lot of weight and no it was NOT fun. But you should not be morbidly obese. I get this whole, people are attractive at any size and they are BUT being morbidly obese is not healthy for you. I am not one of those people that are going to tell you to look like a stick figure, I think that with eating the right things and being active then your body will take on its natural shape. And your body is in the natural shape in which it was meant to be in, is what makes you attractive. I have been too fat and I have been too skinny, and I have felt unattractive both ways. I have felt and looked my most attractive when I allowed my body to be healthy when I ate the right things and even drank the right amount of water.

Tip #4 How To Become The Definition Of Attraction

Where most people go wrong when trying to become attractive is that they literally look at other people and try to look exactly like them. And that is when you are going to fail because you are not them and not you are just a knock off. You may look very close to the real thing but deep down when you get close and look at it, you are not the real thing.

So instead of trying to find the world’s view of attraction why not become attraction.   Attraction is what you say it is and if you say, and if you believe it enough and pull it off well enough then other people will believe it too. IT will be very hard for you to compete with anyone or for anyone to compete with you if you are in your own lane. As I said, beauty is subjective. Everyone is beautiful to someone and you can convince people of attraction by finding your own personal style, having high self-esteem, being that class a woman that we talked about, and having confidence. 

Case and point: Slick Woods

When I first heard about her I became obsessed with her because I think she is so pretty because she is her own pretty. She was literally homeless and her model boyfriend thought she was attractive, said she should be a model, called in all his model people, and she became a model. 

What is my point?

No one looks like her, so who says she fits the prototype of a model? She did, and her model boyfriend did? So why can’t you do the same thing, be in your own lane, don’t just be attractive BUT become the definition of attraction and you be the only person that can fit that definition.

Tip #5 Be Put Together

You do not have to wear the most expensive outfit, you do not have to go to the hair salon to get your hair done, and you do not even have to go to the nail salon all you have to do is look put together. And be put together.

Your hair:

Simply doing something with your hair can take you a long way. That can be something as simple as a sleek bun or even a ponytail.  Dull hair that is not taken care of with straggly dead-end is not a good look even if it is long. That is a mistake that I made. I wanted to grow my hair long and was afraid to cut off the dead ends. The result was long, frizzy dead-end hair that was frizzy all the way up to the shaft.  If you can take away any tip for your hair remember to condition, especially deep conditioner. No matter what your race is, your culture, or your hair type; you probably need to deep condition 

See some of my suggestions below.

Clothes

I also suggest finding your own personal style. And not a personal style where you just look like a crazy person, but an actual style that is fashionable and put together. And more than anything ALWAYS remember to dress for your body type. Clothes that are too tight, do not fit right, not the right shape, make you look fatter, or out of style. You can see someone in a busted outfit and you can see someone in a put-together outfit. Your attraction toward them will be on two very different levels based on how they present themselves and how to put together they look.

These are all of my 5 tips on how to become more attractive. From both the inside and the outside. For additional tips on leveling up your look or on how I leveled up check out my YouTube video below, and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here. 

And remember to visit my Patreon to my “Level Up Academy” where you will get advice on how to level up on all areas of your life. Just click here or the picture below.

The post 5 Habits That Will Definitely Help You Become More Attractive appeared first on Sophie-sticatedmom.

Each person has their own God given talents.  We specifically know this because this is what God tells us in the Bible.  Now before you get carried away, your God given talents may not be to call fire from the sky like Elijah (2 Kings 1:10) or to raise the dead BUT you have something. You have a talent that is something that God gave you, that specifically fits you, according to your own ability.

Now, what in the world does that mean?

Think of it like this.  What I am about to say is NOT meant to offend anyone? But you may know that some people may have a higher IQ, may have a more natural ability toward technology, some people may be richer, poorer, or they may have been born to a certain situation, NO MATTER WHAT you have abilities and God gave you specific gifts and talents within your abilities and your situation in order to achieve your purpose in life. 

Do not mistake what I am saying. I am NOT saying that if you were born poor that you are limited in your success.  What I am saying is that sometimes these situations are to make us stronger not to limit us. I will tell anyone that losing my job, becoming a single mom, is the hardest thing that I ever faced in life and it SUCKED! I WAS BROKE AND STRUGGLING. BUT IT MADE ME STRONG. These are what made me realize my gifts, gave me that push, and made me do better.  Like the Bible verse says. God will never put more on you than you can bear (1 Corinthians 10:13).

God Given Talents and the Parable of The Talons

To give you some context into what I am saying that I want to go into the parable of the talons. I encourage you to read the full story on your own by reading Matthew 25:14:30 but I am going to take a small part of the actual scripture to explain fully what I mean on God given talents. Also, check out my video below on how I explained the talons.

Parable of the TALONS explained or better yet the Parable of the TALENTS explained. Depending on which version of the Bible you read.  I personally like to read from the amplified Bible which you can get the one I like to read from here which is the Joyce Meyer Bible (affiliate link)  just because it gives you a better understanding of the full context of the verse.  Now going into the parable, picking up from verses 14-18

 “For it is just like a man who was about to take a journey, and he called his servants and entrusted them with his possessions. To one he gave five [a]talents, to another two, and to another one, each according to his own ability; and then he went on his journey. The one who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he [made a profit and] gained five more. Likewise, the one who had two [made a profit and] gained two more. But the one who had received the one went and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money. Matthew 25:14-18

Major points on how this relates to your God Given Gifts And Talents

The parable of talons is a metaphor. 

The man in the scripture of God and the servants in the scripture is you. When God created you, He put you on this earth. Made you in his own image (Genisis 1:27), breathed His life in you (Genesis 2:7), which in a way means that God did entrust us with some of His possessions here on Earth just to see what we would do with them. Of better yet EXPECTING us to do something with them. 

God Did Not Give Us All The Same Life But He did Give Us All Opportunity 

Was it fair that one servant got 5 talents, one got 2, and one got 1? No, it wasn’t, let’s be real. But each person all got something AND they all got something according to what they were able to do with it. God knows us better then we know ourselves.  A lot of us want 5 talents when really we cannot even do something with the one talent that we have. The point is not how many talents we have. The point is that we all have talents and that God gives us a chance to use them ACCORDING TO OUR OWN ABILITY. God knows what we are able to do with what we have and He not going to give us too much or even too little. He will give us just enough or give us the exact gifts and talents that we need to get what we need to get done in our life. So do not be envious of the talents that the others have, just focus on your own and work with multiplying what you have. 

 Which brings me to my next point:

Even though we all have God given talents many of us waste them

The fact is that many of us are full of a lot of excuses for what God did not give us and why. We do not have what this person has.  At least we are not doing as bad as this person. Or we just sit in one spot and remain stuck not really doing good and not really doing bad but just sitting there.  All of this is a huge waste of your God given talent. As the Bible verse stays. 

I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to vomit you out of My mouth! Revelation 3:15-16

Do not think that remaining still is a good thing.  Not moving forward and not moving backward is not good. That means that you are not really doing anything at all.  You are just lukewarm and God would prefer you just pick a side not remain neutral in your gifts. 

Let’s continue on with the parable of the talons:

Once the master returned the servant who had five talons multiplied his talons and got five more, the one who had two had two more, and the one who had one got NO MORE. NOT ONE. But the servant was under the impression that somehow the master was going to be happy that he did not lose the talons, BUT neither did he gain anything.

Now remember the master is also God and His response to the servants who doubled their talons was this:

 ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful and trustworthy over a little, I will put you in charge of many things; share in the joy of your master.’ Matthew 25:21,23

But the one who did NOTHING with his talon, do you think that God was happy that at least he stayed out of trouble. NOPE, this was his response:

In verse 26-28 “But his master answered him, ‘You wicked, lazy servant, you knew that I reap [the harvest] where I did not sow and gather where I did not scatter seed. Then you ought to have put my money with the bankers, and at my return, I would have received my money back with interest. So take the talent away from him, and give it to the one who has the ten talents.”

What is the point here:

The point is that God has given you talents and that you need to use them. There is no excuses for not doing, no excuses for being lazy, there are no excuses for saying that someone was born with more opportunity than you, or that you are not the worse, even if ALL that was true that is still no excuse for staying stuck and not putting your God given talents to use.  God gave you those talents for a reason and the reason was to use them, not to sit on them and let them go to waste. Because even having one talent could have turned into 2, then 4, then 8, then 16. You may not have started with 5 but you could have multiplied it until you got there. Is it harder? Sure? But God still gave you the talent and God would not have given it to you if He did not feel you could do it. At the very least earn a little. Start somewhere. Do something. You can take small steps.

In verse 27 the Master said: “Why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it.”

At least that would have been SOMETHING. But no the man hide his talent int he dirt, in the darkness afraid and ashamed. 

Verse 25 “I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it in the earth. Look, here is your money back.”

 Notice the man with one talent literally hid the talents into the ground. Meaning that the servant was afraid of his own talents. Afraid on the talents that God gave him so much shows that he hid his light into the ground. Which is what so many people do. They are afraid to step out on faith. Afraid that their talent is not good enough. Afraid they will fail and so to them, not trying is the best option. When really if God gave you the talent then you know you will succeed at it because God gave it to you.  According to your own ability and literally, that is why God gave it to you because He knew that you and only you could use it to make something of it. So the fact that you hide it or are ashamed of it makes no sense what so ever. 

Not using your God Given Talents Are

“For to everyone who has [and values his blessings and gifts from God, and has used them wisely], more will be given, and [he will be richly supplied so that] he will have an abundance; but from the one who does not have [because he has ignored or disregarded his blessings and gifts from God], even what he does have will be taken away.  And throw out the worthless servant into the outer darkness; in that place [of grief and torment] there will be weeping [over sorrow and pain] and grinding of teeth [over distress and anger]. Matthew 25:29-30

Meaning that your gifts are like use it or lose it type of thing. Do you think that God is going to put His gifts in you to go to waste? Apart from Himself to sit there and be buried into the ground. NO! So if you do not want to use it, then God will take your gifts along with your blessings and He will give them to someone else.  God wants the parts of Him that He gives to us people to be used, not to be sitting dormant collecting dusk. 

If there is anything that you need to take away from this post it this. We all have God given gifts, no matter who you, where you are from, how much you have, how smart you are, how you look, or how nonsmart you are are meant to be used for your good.  The people who benefited from the talons are the ones who the master gave the talons to.  And each of your God given talents and gifts are a little piece of God. Never fear that you cannot make success happen with what you have, your situation is no surprise to God and He literally gave you everything within yourself to make things happen.

If you know someone who may need to read this blog post then go ahead and share it with them. Also, remember that video from above, see the full replay of my YouTube Live video “How To Find Your Purpose and Make Money From below: Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube Channel By Clicking here. 

Last but not list, finding your God given purpose starts in your mind.  And that is where my Christian Manifestation Guide comes In. With both affirmations and Bible verses. Just like the Bible says to speak life into your situation. Believe you can use your God given gifts and believe that you have whatever you need within you to make your own gifts with you to come true. Click here or the link below to buy.

The post Learn Exactly What The Bible Says About God Given Talents appeared first on Sophie-sticatedmom.

If you are a follower of my blog then you know I am all about single moms, I am all about women doing their thing and I am all about God. Which is why I am so happy to shout out a fellow single mother on her God-given purpose in encouraging other single moms through her blog and her book. 

“God is Gracious A Christian single mother’s thoughts, prayers, and poems for her daughter.” (click here to buy)

Here is my interview with her below, don’t forget to show a fellow woman in Christ some love by checking her out. 

The Single Mom Spot Light Goes To Arilia Win

She is the founder of Christian Single Mama and started her blog in May of 2014, and in 2018 it became a registered business and in 2019 Arilia goals for Christian Single Mama is to make it a non-profit! She is a single mom to one daughter, Gia, and lives in Southern California. Arilia, owns and operates 2 online-based business, Christian Single Mama and Winn Publications.

Let’s get into the interview, shall we?

What prompted you to start your site and what do you hope you accomplish?

Arilia: When I had accepted that I was going to be raising my child without her father and after experiencing a lot of church hurt, I started my blog. I felt like there wasn’t a place for me, a single mom who loves the Lord, in the church or society so I created one. I couldn’t understand why the church is pro-life but they don’t make the room or have room for single mother/teen mom programs or Bible studies. I felt unaccepted. On top of the ugly looks and questions about my baby-daddy, I was through and I needed a space for me.

So CSM (Christian Single Mama) was born! Where I aim to do just that, create room for single mothers who love the Lord. Growing from a blog to a non-profit means that I will be able to have an actual space (building) for single moms to go to in order to get their needs met. Be them, financial, spiritual, or mental, I aim to make a greater contribution to the lives of these women.

Was there a moment in your walk with God or being a Christian single mom that you felt God showed up for you?

Yes, just recently God reminded me that he will provide. This promise has been so clear since I had my child that’s why I say reminder. I lost my job, my home, and now my car, all within the last year and CSM had been put on hold. In Sept. 2018, I quit my job to work from home, but what happened was I was overcome with depression. With no stable income, I lost my home and had to move from Texas to California to live with my dad.

In Feb. I was diagnosed with BiPolar 2 disorder. The way this shows up for me is a weekly cycle of depression and high energy. Today I have energy! Lol! I laugh about it now, but I used to cry about this “label”. Seeing a therapist is working wonders. The Bible says to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” I’m learning that the mind and mental health are just as important as the body and physical health. Last week I went to a job fair and well long story short, I have 4 interviews next week!! A job means stable income and stable income opens the doors to so many other blessings. With any things on the rise for me, I hear God saying, “I told you! I told you I would provide.” My anchor is in the Lord.

 My Sidebar on what Arilia said:

This is one of the reasons why I connected with Arilia because I had gone through the same thing. I had lost my job, I had to move back in with my mother for a while, and I remember resenting God at the time (click here to see my blogs on when I was failing to meet ends meet). But as I have grown, I have learned that these things were to help me step into my God-given purpose not to hurt me. 

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

Also, as a mental health professional, I agree that your mind can do wonders. How you think can transform how you see the world. A diagnosis is a diagnosis, but do not let it define you and do not let it be your end all be all.

Now back to the interview. 

If you could tell other Christian single mom’s one thing what would it be?

Don’t stop believing. The label “single mother” has nothing to do with your faith in God. Cast that shame back to the pit of hell from where it’s come. You can be a single mom and love the Lord. In fact, as a single mom who loves the Lord, I can say that you’re not alone. There’s many of us out there. I am definitely here for you. But if you are looking for single moms who love the Lord in your area, you may have to search. Don’t be discouraged because Matt. 7:7-8 tells us that if we’re persistent in our seeking then we will find what we’re looking for. Look for your tribe, we’re out there!

What do you find is your biggest struggle as a Christian single mom and how has God helped you with it?

Asking for help has been a struggle. I raised my child alone, with no breaks for almost all of her life (5 years) until recently. I was uncomfortable and afraid to ask for help. I felt like if I couldn’t get help from her own father why should anyone else agree to help me. God changed my perspective. Not only am I never alone, but I don’t have to care for my child alone. It truly takes a village to raise a child. Since being in California and near my family I have had more opportunities to get a family member to babysit while I have a few hours of fun. I’ve had to face my fear of asking for help and the results have been beautiful. Not only do I get a break and a chance to recharge every now and again, but my daughter gets to develop relationships with those we love the most.

What is your relationship with your child’s father? What are some ways that you successfully co-parent?

I don’t co-parent. The relationship with my child’s father is nonexistent. He wanted an abortion, and when she was born he would only come around if we could still “sleep” together. I wasn’t having it so I moved on. I accepted that at this point in our (mine and my child’s) journey it’s what’s best for the both of us.

 Sidebar on what Arila said:

 I just wanted to take a moment to acknowledge all the single moms out there doing this AND to let you know that you are not alone nor are you doomed. I am a single mother raising a child without a father as is Arlia. I believe that God has a special place in his heart for single moms and that he will bless you for doing the right thing simply because your child’s father won’t.

Now back to the interview.

What are your goals in the future for yourself and for your business?

Although I am getting back in the rat race (the 9-5 world) I desire to be able to work from my home office. I truly enjoy it! I am working towards making a CSM a non-profit. I have a publishing business called Winn Publications where I help writer self-publish their work. I design websites and blogs as well. I want my businesses to grow. My ultimate goal is to be able to make a living from doing the things I love, to share my life and my testimonies to encourage someone else, and to live a life of abundance in every aspect.

My Closing thoughts on this interview. 

As a Christian single mom, Aralia is correct. There is a tribe out there for us and it is time for us to connect with one another and it is essential as so many of us can feel judged by other Christians or even by the church. If you are in that position then know you have other like minded people you can connect with. And know that the church is not a representation of God.  Just because the church or people feel some type of way about you do not mean that God holds the same viewpoint about you. God is love (1 John 4:7) point blank period, and no matter what God loves you.

How you can connect with Aralia of Christian Single Mama:

Her book: God is Gracious A Christian single mother’s thoughts, prayers, and poems for her daughter. (click here to buy)

A beautiful collection of poetry by Arialia detailing her life as a single mother and conversations to her daughter. The good, the surprises, the doubts, the celebrations, the little girl being raised without a father, and all the emotions that go along with it. The same thoughts that so many of you as single moms may have felt in your journey as a single mom. (click here to buy her book).

Follow Aralia on social media:

Christian Single Mama

• Instagram
• Facebook
• Christian single mamma website

 Winn Publication

Winn Publications Instagram: 

Facebook

Website 

The post Single Mom Spotlight: Arilia Winn Of Christian Single Mama appeared first on Sophie-sticatedmom.

What if I told you that not getting child support actually helped me reach the level I am today? Now don’t make the mistake in what I am saying. If you are a single mom, then yes go to the court and attempt to get it. I am not telling you that you should not go after what is owed to your child.

I literally put an order on my son’s father when my child was 4 weeks old and I did not see my first child support to about 7 years later at which case it was only $65, the same that he pays to this day at which time my son is 11 years old. In my state that is the minimum that a person can pay when they don’t have a job. Yes, my son’s father does have a job but that does not keep him from reporting that he doesn’t have one. I am not even going to get into that whole story but what I will say is this.

Even if you have a child support order:

• It does not mean that they will pay it.
• It does not mean it will be enough.
• It doesn’t mean that your child support will always be there or always be the same amount of money. Things happen, situations happen that can keep him from paying it (in my case my son’s father became incarcerated). 

As all the above situations happened to me, I quickly realized that I did not want my situations to be dictated based on if child support came that month or not. Sad to say I have spoken to so many women where they cannot pay all their bills for the month, get their child what they need, or cannot afford xy and z because their child’s father did not pay their child support that month. Which ultimately left them to feeling frustrated, limited, angry, and chasing after their child’s father to try to make them DO when really they don’t have to DO anything. Should they do, YES. But if they don’t want to then what?

Before I get into the post I do not want you to think I am telling you to NOT get child support, I am just telling you not to be defined by it. Before we get into the post, check out my video below on how to get over your child’s father where I give more tips on the importance of moving on from him and moving into your own. Also, click here to subscribe to my channel.

Not Getting Child Support Makes You Realize That You Need Some Support And It Needs To Come From Somewhere.

The need for my child is not going to change. When I did not get child support, I quickly realized this. At that point, I had a decision to make. Since my son’s father was incarcerated, he could work in jail and he could have paid the $65 but didn’t and even if he did what would that have really gotten me? What is that amount of money going to do?  It was in that moment that I quickly realized that I needed to come up with the money, on my own because I had needs, my child had needs, and I wanted to be able to pay for both without having to feel limited. It was not my fault that my son’s father did not want to provide, just like it was not my son’s fault. BUT YET, we were paying the price for it.  

It was at that moment that I started to do things to get extra money. Some of the things I did are included in this post where I talk about immediate ways to get money. No matter if it was selling my old textbooks, finding side hustles online, and eventually starting my own business, writing books, and building my brand.   The reason why I did this is that I did not want to be limited on where I lived, on what my son could have, or to feel like I was in an eternal state of struggle because I had to do on my own and because my son’s father won’t do. 

Not getting child support and where so many other single moms go wrong.

Before I say this to my fellow single moms, I want you to realize that I am one of you and I know exactly how it feels not to get any money. BUT where many single moms go wrong is that you are chasing the wrong things and not chasing the right things.  Does it suck that you may not be getting enough child support? YES. Does it suck that your ex does not pay child support and you have to go come through for your child every month no matter if you have it or not? Yes. But it is at this point that you have a decision to make and so many single moms make the wrong one.

The wrong decision is to sit, complain, get mad, spend months and even years of this eternal cycle of complaining about child support. Trying to get what is owed to your child, being angry, upset, and depressed over what HE is not giving to your child. This is time, energy, and effort wasted that you could be doing instead of going out and getting your own.

Case a point: A single mom that I know

I want to tell you a story of a single mother I know, and her situation maybe like your situation. She was a stay at home mom that got a divorced. Once divorced she was receiving a good amount of child support which helped her pay for a place to live and she went to school on the side. Once her ex got with another woman who had children, married her, all the abundant amount of money she once was getting stopped.  Soon she was left with not having enough for rent, for food, for school supplies, and she was left struggling for the essentials that she needed for herself and her son at which point she went crazy. AND she made a bunch of excuses. I am in school and I cannot have a job. I cannot do this, and he won’t pay that. And although I understand, like I said before what can you do about it?

The Advice I Gave Her About The Actually Benefits Of Not Getting Child Support

The advice I gave her was the same advice I gave myself when I was not getting child support.  To stop making excuses that you cannot control him, what he does, and the more you try the more you will get frustrated. Instead, put the energy into yourself and doing what you need to do for you and yours.  At which point she became infuriated. She came up with more excuses on how I did not understand, how it was not fair, followed by more complaining about the situation. But see the thing is that I do understand, I did understand, and I also understand that the way she was going about things was the WRONG way.  The fact of the matter was that I got a Master’s and a Ph.D. as a single mom while holding a full-time job where I worked on average 50 hours a week. Was it hard? YES. Was it fair? NO. But did it help me in the long run? Absolutely. Which brings me to my next point.

Not Getting Child Support Helped Me Be Free

As crazy as it sounds, SOME men use child support to control women. As the case with my friend. Her ex as a jerk. He wanted to see her suffer, he wanted to see her struggle, and he wanted to know that he had the power to giveth and taketh away. He wanted her to know that he was giving to a new family and that was his priority. All of this is about control or to show YOU that YOU don’t have control over anything. And HE has control over a whole lot. What he does with his money, who he gives it to, and some days he may want to give it to you and some days he does not.

What’s my point:

Do you really want to place your livelihood on what your ex is or is not willing to give? Or if the check does come then you will just have extra but it is not the defining moment that makes or breaks whether your child is living in poverty or not. You can click here to see the time when I felt like I was a horrible mom and when I was literally failing to make ends meet. And everything fell on me no matter what even the days that I did not have enough money to even myself and had to choose between my son eating or myself.   BUT where I am now versus where I was then is like night and day an in both situations, I was not getting enough child support. But it is like the Bible verse says:

See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. Deuteronomy 30:15

Choosing death and destruction would have been sitting there like my friend above was doing.  Complaining about what was not being done for me and allowing what other my son’s father would not give to me OR I could choose prosperity and trust that I would find a way to get there on my own, with the help of God of course, and not without the help of my son’s father. And not getting child support actually was the push to make me see this on my own. And pushed me to get there on my own.

Not Getting Child Support Final Points.

• All and all there are some final points that I want you to take away from all of this.
• Yes, file for child support I fully believe that it is your right to have.
• BUT, know that even if you do it does not mean he will pay it.
• Depending on child support without being able to pay for everything own will put you at the mercy of your ex.
• Often times when you don’t get child support it is not a punishment, but it can be a blessing in disguise. It can give you the final push you need to step into your own and to start making your own money.

As a single mother we have hidden strengths, the world may put us in a box and they may even stereotype us thinking that we are all women who just sat around and had children on our own and that us asking for child support is just us being a gold digger. Don’t feed into the mindset or the world. Don’t feed into the mentality that you are limited because you are a single mom. That you must be bitter for not getting child support, or you are just sitting around waiting for a check to come in the mail with no real way to provide on your own.
Choose to level up and go after the life you and your child deserves. Place no limits on yourself and move forward without even paying attention to your ex. I can almost promise you that it is such a satisfactory feeling when after your ex leave you, that you used the fact that they did not pay their child support as motivation to make you better, to get more money, to look better, to go back to school, to get a better job, and to live a bigger and better life more than what they thought you were capable of and to be 10000% better then they ever thought you could be. This is the best thing that you can do for you and yours over just sitting around pining over what your ex won’t give you. Also, check out my video below on how to level up on an ex, and don’t forget to subscribe to my channel by clicking here.

If you know a fellow single mom that is not getting any child support, then be sure to share this post with her.  And, also, I have a book for single moms an amazon bestseller and I want to give you the first chapter for free. You can click here to buy the book (also on audible) or you can click here to get the first chapter for free.
 

The post How Not Getting Child Support Helped Me As A Single Mom appeared first on Sophie-sticatedmom.