From single mother to single mother I want to tell you that you can be a successful single mom. No matter if you are a divorced single mom or a single mom who does not have any one to help you, you can still be successful.
I personally consider myself a successful single mom. You can read my single mom story here. A question that I often get from other single mothers is how you can be a successful single mother? How can you maintain motivation to achieve success, still take care of your kid, still have time for yourself etc. and so forth? This question brings me to this post in which I will tell you
How to be a successful single mom.
How to Be A Successful Single Mom Tip #1 Believe That You Are Successful
How you feel about yourself and what you think you can achieve goes a long way in actual success. The fact of the matter is that many people in the world have generalizations about single mothers. They think that we are all sitting on welfare somewhere, with a trail of kids behind us we cannot take care of. And as a result, many single mothers buy into this belief and are subconsciously putting limitations on themselves.
The first thing you need to do is to get other people voices out of your head. Do not care what other people think about you (read my blog here). If I cared about what other people thought about me I would not achieve anything as a single mother because there were many people who told me I wouldn’t. I would not have gone back to school and I would have placed limits on myself just because of what other people thought I could and could not do.
And sometimes there are single mothers who just fall prey to their own disbelief in themselves. That they are destined to suffer, fail, and live in poverty. Because that is how the world portrays single motherhood. This type of thinking is a poverty mindset (click here to read my blog) and as long as you have this mindset then that is where you stay. Do not let other people place limitations on you and believe that you can acquire whatever success you set your mind to.
For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7
Or in this case she. So when you think that are then so you will become.
How to Be A Successful Single Mom Tip #2 Map Out Your Success
No successful person just blindly went into life not doing or planning anything much and then one day poof they are successful. Success just does not happen like that. Real success requires hard work (see my blog here), planning, and goal setting (see my blog here).
How can you know how to reach success if you do not know where success is or how you are going to get it. When I went back to get my Master’s and my PhD degree, I mapped that out (see my blog here on going back to school as a single mom). I mapped out when I was going to finish, where I would do my internship, where I would go to school; and since I started both while I was a single mother; I ensured that my plan worked with my being a parent.
Yes it was hard but hard does not mean impossible. And it was easier to implement my plan because I mapped it out. The fact of the matter is that success just does not happen by accident. You need to figure out what you want, what you want to do, what is your definition of success, come up with big goals, and then come up with every day steps that you need do to reach those big goals. When you goal set, sometimes it can seem like you will never reach them. But when you come up with every day goals and complete those small steps that is when you will feel like you are making progress toward the big goal. And before you know it, you will have reached the big goal.
How to Be A Successful Single Mom Tip #3 Be A Success Now
You may not be where you want to be now and you may not even consider yourself successful at this point in your life, but there is no time like the present. No matter what your current situation is you can start to be and live like a success.
It may mean acting classier (read my blog here), dressing better (read my blog here), taking better care of yourself, traveling more, applying for better jobs (read my blog here), or articulating yourself better (click my blog here). Whatever the case may be there is something that you can do right now that will give the appearance of being successful. The more you start doing successful things in your everyday life the more you will make bigger changes in your life until your overall life is successful.
How To Be A Successful Single Mom Tip #4 Stop Living Pay Check to Pay Check
I have already written a blog on this which you can read here. Sometimes as a single mom your income may already be limited. It does not mean that you have to be broke but what it does mean is that just have to watch your money and how you spend your money. I am not the richest single mom ever but I am able to travel, dress well, and save money. That is because I shop at the thrift store, plan affordable vacations (see my blog here, here, and here), and I watch how I spend my money. Sometime I was not always good at by the way.
Just because you have money does not mean that it needs to burn a hole in your pocket. Sometimes you may have to tell your children that they cannot have the latest $300 toy just because everyone else has it. I have mastered this art. My son knows that if mommy does not want to spend an outrageous amounts of money on the latest fade toy then she is not going to do it, and he better not complain. The point is that sometimes as single mother we may try to over compensate by giving our child everything little toy, hundred dollar pair of shoes, or even going broke buying yourself these things (see my blog here). And that type of thinking will leave you broke living pay check to pay check.
If your child has food, water, and a roof over their head you are doing a good job. Because there are many kids who do not even have that (click here for perfect mom blog). So you have to remember to start saving money, maybe deny your kids of a few things, stop living outside of your means, and start having a cushion in your bank account.
Being successful means that on any given day you have money to pull from. It does not mean that you are over drawing your account every month living in the negative. You may be saying to yourself well if only I had more money. You can always earn more money BUT I also want you to consider this
“Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much.” Luke 16:10
If you cannot manage the amount of money that you currently have, no matter how small, then how can you be able to manage more money as it comes? If you get more money you will mismanage that because you have an issue with learning how to manage your money period. So you need to master the art of being responsible with your money if you truly want to be successful no matter how much money you have now.
How To Be A Successful Single Mom Tip #5 Stop Making Excuses
I am a huge person that firmly does not believe in making excuses. They irritate me to the core of my existence. Because no matter how many excuses you have as to why you can’t I can point someone out in the world who DID, that was in your same situation or worse.
If you are a single mother I know it is hard but do not let that be your excuse as to why you are failing in life, or you cannot do better, or why you are this, or why you are that. No one wants to hear it. And the only person that you are hurting is yourself. Do you think that other people care that you cannot be successful because you are a single mother? No they don’t. Because it is not affecting them or their life, the only person that is sitting around feeling bad for you is you. (Click to read my blog on feeling sorry for yourself).
So stop it. Throwing yourself a pity party is not going to get you anywhere. The only thing it will get you is depression and an overwhelming feeling that your life is not going to go anywhere. When really that is not true. And if it is true it is because you are not trying to make your life go anywhere. The only reason why it is true now is because it a self-fulfilling prophecy. You tell yourself that your life sucks, you cannot do anything, you have to take care of your kids, you can’t find a job, you can’t you can’t you can’t. And so you won’t. Meanwhile there are many other single moms in your same position that do. Not saying it is not hard, but they manage to get past the excuses and do. Because their will to be successful overpowers their will to fail at life.
So what I am saying is to put the excuses aside. If you really want to be successful then you still start making steps to make yourself successful. What if I have learned is that when people really want something bad enough they will make away to get it. When people make excuses as to why they don’t have then they really do not want it bad enough. They just say they do, but there is something lacking as to why they won’t go after it. And 9 times out of 10 that something is a bunch of excuses.
Regardless of how harsh I may come across it is my wish that every single mom be a successful single mom. I do not think that anyone was put on this Earth to sit by, fail, be depressed and watch their life pass them by. You have a lot of power regardless of your situation, you just have to learn how to dig deep down inside and use it. You also have to learn how to keep pushing passed any barriers you may face and reach the level of success that you desire.