Why am I still single?
That is a question that plagues the minds of many single women, especially if you are 30 plus and still single (see my YouTube video here on single women over 30 who want to get married). If you are wondering “will I be single forever” or say to yourself “ I want a relationship now” the important question you need to ask yourself is “why am I still single,” because often times there is a good reason for it.
Timing and Relationships
There is a reason and a season for everything, and understanding what season you are in can help get rid of that single and lonely feeling. Sometimes it is not the right timing for relationships. Sometimes you need to finish school or move ahead in your career first. Relationships are hard work and getting into a relationship in the wrong season will take your focus off other important things you should be doing. It would never be fair to give a relationship half of your time, so focus on what you need to do for you. I will use myself as an example, I am finishing my PhD and trying to get some other ventures off the ground, which is where my focus is, not on a relationship, and not on being sad that I am single. So reflect on what season you are in.
You need to work on yourself.
Never depend on a relationship to make you happy. If you are not a happy single person, you will not be a happy in a relationship person.
And you should never give someone else the burden of being the sole responsibility for your happiness. (Click here to Tweet).
If you are in a situation where you are depressed, unemployed, or just in bad situation in life, it would be helpful to work all of those things out before you get into a relationship. It is not fair to be in a relationship and bring your all of your burdens to the table. Get yoursel sorted out first and then you will have a better chance of being in a relationship. Click to my blog here on how to be single and happy.
You have problems
If you are not getting a second date (read my blog here on how to get a second date) or you are always the one getting broken up with; then you need to reflect on why they is. I can almost bet that you are the common denominator. You may be the one that has the problems and you may be the one that is driving people away. We all have issues (click here to read my blog on tacking relationship demons) but people will break up with you, when your issues are too much for them to bare. Get counseling or life coaching (click here to see my coaching services) to figure out what you are doing wrong in the relationship so that you don’t keep making the same mistakes.
Many women think that their man has to come in a package that they have made up in their head. And if any man approaches them that does not fit the exact way they envisioned they shut the man down. You have to be open to new people and situations; you never know how your relationship will come about. Open yourself up and you may find someone that is a better fit for you then what you thought.
Your Standards Are Too High
Many women have this long list of things that a man must have in order for them to be in a relationship. The fact of the matter is, is that no one is perfect. Not you and not the man that you are dating. So if you have this picture on your mind of a man coming to you on a white horse to rescue you from all of your issues, and he needs to be 6 feet tall, a millionaire, and he needs to take you to a 5 star restaurant on your first date; you are ruling out a lot of people. You should have standards but you should not think that you are going to meet someone who is perfect, because the perfect person does not exist. Reflect on what you looking for and if you may be asking for too much.
You Look A Hot Mess
I know that looks are not everything. But more times than not, people want to date you because they see something about you that is attractive. Some men are attractive to women who smell good or who dress nice. The point is that when you leave the house you should look put together. Have your clothes matching, comb your hair, and put some effort into your appearance. You do not have to look like you are going on a runway every time you leave the house, but do put your best foot forward. It is going to be hard for someone to want to get to know your inside, if you just do not care about how you look or want to take care of yourself. Read my blog here on why looks matter.
You are Fake
I can recall dating a man and him asking me if I had a child. I told him yes and his response was “just one.” What he later explained to me was that he was dating a woman who said she had no kids, and then when he asked her to move in she said she had one. But when she moved in, she had three kids with her! Never build a relationship off a lie. Because the truth will always come out. Let the person fall in love with you for you, not a person you pretend to me.
If you are still single and have been for a long time I would love to hear your stories. If you know someone who can be helped by reading this please feel free to share.
You can also look at my video below on the 7 reasons as to why you are still single.