Have you ever starting watching a movie and got the best lesson it? Well that is what happened to me when I watched the movie Wyatt Earp. It is amazing that break up advice can come from anywhere and the best break up advice came from watching this movie AND it came at the right time.
It was about 9 or 10 year ago when my live in boyfriend and I broke up. I really loved him, I really thought it would work, and we would be together FOREVER. Even though our relationship had signs of being a hot mess, I still clung to hope. Sometimes we are blinded by love. After he moved out like any twenty something year old woman. I had trouble letting go.
I would find any reason to call him or any reason to make an excuse for him to come over, even if it was at the expense of me looking pathetic and making a fool out of myself. And guess what? It didn’t work. The harder I tried the worst it got.
One day, I was watching a movie that I had watched several times before, Wyatt Earp. It was not the entire movie that got me but rather one particular scene. It was at this point in the movie that Wyatt started cheating on his long-term common law wife, Mattie, for another woman Josephine.
I will admit that I felt extreme anger. How could this man cheat on a woman who was faithful to him throughout the years and followed him throughout his foolishness? As the movie progressed, Mattie, began taking drugs, being drunk, had a suicide attempt, and she told Wyatt that if he ever left her that she would kill herself. Wyatt’s response was priceless. He told her that he did not really care anymore. The first lesson that I learned is that a common law wife or even a long term girlfriend is not a wife (see my blog here).
Wyatt then spent a long happy life with Josie, the woman he had cheated with, whereas Mattie died from an over dose never to be seen or heard from again. Forever known in history as the desperate woman who got hooked on drugs all over a man. She allowed her life to waste away all for a man that clearly did not love her anymore. The woman he went for AND stayed with for the rest of his life was a woman that was out doing her thing not playing the victim.
Then I thought to myself
“Is that how you want to be? Is that how you want to carry on? Why do you do this attention seeking behavior to get a man that clearly does not want you?”
That was a good question.
Wyatt stayed with Josie for over 40 years. That is when it hit me that desperation does not keep a man. Begging does not keep a man. Josie had her own life before Wyatt and even if he chose not to be with her, I am sure that she would have continued with her own life. Josie was strong and she was who she. And that is why Wyatt loved her, because she was living life. And that is why he began to hate Mattie, because her life was dependent on him. She became another chore that he had to take care of. Her behavior did not make him feel sorry for her. It made him resent her.
In that moment I decided to let my ex go. I decided to get up and live my own life. I decided that I was not going to beg nor was I going to become needy over anyone. That is the same attitude that I hold to this day.
What all women can take from this movie are:
- If a man wants to go then let him go. Do not hurt yourself or embarrass yourself trying to hang on to a man that does not want you.
- Believe a man when he says he does not want you. Wyatt told Maddie he would never marry her. But she tried to force him anyway, only to be disappointed in the end.
- Always have your own thing going for yourself. The reason why Mattie fell apart is because the only thing she had was Wyatt. And when he was gone, she felt she had nothing and so she felt she was nothing.
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