Some Men Are Not That Deep. As a Woman It is Not Your Job To Change Shallow Men

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Have you been frustrated in dating? Wondering if you are doing something wrong as to why you are running into shallow men in the dating world. Instead of trying to find a logical explanation for it. I have come to learn that some people just are not that deep of a person.  As women we want to bring up the fact that a man has been hurt before, has had a bad childhood, or that he has some deep rooted mental illness as to the reason why we are last on his totem pole. 15074975_l

These men may not want to take you on a date but prefer to take you to their bed. They may not want to talk about a future but rather talk to you about how they can get you in their bed. They may not want to talk about marriage or monogamy, the only title they want to give you includes the names they call you in bed.

I can recall when I lived with my ex-boyfriend some years ago, his main pet peeve of me was that I wanted to talk about religion, spiritual things, and what I wanted out of the future. He did not want to do that.  He just wanted to have sex (before I became celibate), play video games, and watch porn. I went along with it because like most women, I did not want to lose my man. I did not want to face the fact that he simply was not that deep.

I was brought back to a time in college in which I was living in Atlanta. He said I was pretty for a “dark skin girl” and that he normally does not go for dark skin women.  He made it seem like I should have been happy he was choosing me. He decided to take me out on a date.  Or his version of a date.  When he came to pick me up, he took me to a cheap motel.  Once we got in, he undressed to his boxers, got in the bed, revealing the house arrest bracelet on his ankle.  He told me he had a limited amount of time to be with me because he had to be home by 7pm.  Imagine his disappointment when I just sat on the edge of the bed looking at him like he was crazy.  After about 15 minutes seeing that he was not going to get any, he went to the front desk and ask for a refund for the room.  He dropped me off back at the college telling me that he would call me.  He never did.  I did not expect him to.  He was not that deep of a person.

5160755 - woman angry at her boyfriendI would love to go on and on, and horrify you with my dating stories. But these are just some examples as to why I took a break from dating.  I learned that it was better for me to be happy an alone then it was for me to be used and abuse by men.  Men who did not want anything out of life and men that did not really care about me, or better yet they did not even care about themselves.

Another thing that we do as women is try to take on the responsibility of changing a man. Overtime, I learned that it is not my responsibility to sit and try to make any one be different or make them see what a wonderful woman they were passing up. It is not your job or your place as a women to do that.  It is a man’s job to lead.  And if he does not want to lead himself out of the land of stupidity and shallow people, then let him stay in it.  Do not beat yourself up wondering why you were overlooked.  Do NOT pray to God every day hoping that God will somehow open their eyes and MAKE them see that you are the one.

Some people do not care to have a purpose, do not think about their future family, do not think about getting married, nor do not think about treating other people right. It is not up to you to change every twisted and jilted person.  It is also not up to you to sit, cry, and be sad over THEIR shortcomings.  Just because they are not about anything special does not mean that you have to stoop down to their level by becoming nothing special too.

Do not shrink your intellect, purpose, or intention so that not so deep men will feel not inadequate around you. Do not be afraid to stand out in a group of superficial people for fear that if you stand out of appear too smart, men will not want to be bothered by you.

Even if it means that you have to take a dating break or break up with your current boyfriend because you know that your relationship is on the path to nowhere. It is better to leave, then it is to engage in a situation which you know that you will ultimately get hurt and hinder your own personal growth.

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About Sophia Reed (318 Articles)
I am a single mother of one, Christian, and Lover of Life. I have a Master's degree in marriage and family therapy, I am a National Certified Counselor, and I am currently a PhD candidate in Human Behavior. I love motivating others and encouraging all women to be beautiful from the inside and out. To get in contact with me, you can email me at

1 Comment on Some Men Are Not That Deep. As a Woman It is Not Your Job To Change Shallow Men

  1. I love your honesty. I now I’m not alone with the bad dating experiences in past lol.

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