What men really want can be very different from what women think men really want. Recently I spoke to a friend who fell madly in “love” with a guy. While on the first date she had an intense make out session with him and let him feel up her dress. She told me that she wanted to let him know that she was into him. A few months later she was shocked to see that he had moved on to someone else and no longer wanted to deal with her. Despite her best efforts to express her interest in him by letting him feel her up on the first date.
Her question to me was
“What did I do wrong?”
What my friend did wrong is what a lot of women do wrong. They fall into intuition with a man and then give the man what they think the man wants. So let’s go ahead and debunk so myths about what men really want shall we.
A woman feels that having sex with a man, making out with a man, or doing anything sexual with a man means that they like you or want something deeper.
Men will have sex, touch, and kiss almost anyone women, and not really like them, care about them, or want a relationship with them.
Women think to keep a man’s interest they must be sexually flirtatious and talk about sex often with the man.
Men want you to be normal and be yourself. They want to get to know you and see if you are someone they can spend long periods of time with. You can only have sex a few hours out of the day (if that) and for the other 23 hours you actually need to be able to communicate with one another. If a man is looking for a woman for the long term, tricks in the bedroom are great; but actual being a likable person is even better.
Women think that when they are dating a man that this automatically means that they are in a relationship.
For men, when they are dating you they are more than likely dating other people. They consider themselves to be in a relationship with you when you both have a conversation and agree that you two are in a monogamous relationship. (see my blog here for more on that)
Women think that if they play too hard to get or do not give men what they want they will go away.
If a man only wants you for sex and you play hard to get then they will go away. If a man is looking for a real relationship, then they like when you play hard to get. Men are hunters, they like the chase. Men want to feel like they are getting a prize. Giving in too soon will make them wonder how many other men have gotten it too soon, and then they feel like they are getting something that every man has had.
Men like women who are agreeable, and want women to agree with everything they say.
A man does not want an argumentative woman. But a man does not want a robot either. A man wants a women that has her own thoughts and opinions. Who wants to have a conversation with someone that just nods their head yes all the time? One of the beautiful things of a good woman is that she can see thing clearer over then men. Women have great intuition. So do not be afraid to tell him what you think or give him advice. It is called a conversation.
So what do men really want?
They do not want a woman that gives it up too soon. I do not care if they are begging you for sex and telling you they will not judge you. Deep down they will judge you. And deep down they want you to hold out.
They want you to be the real you. Meaning do not be the person that you think they want you to be. Just like women, they can see through the fakeness. They will allow you to be fake but in the back of their mind they know you are just pretending to be what you think they want you to be. Which it a big turn off.
They want you to be sexy but not a sex demon. You can be sexy and you can even like to have sex. But there is a time and a place for that. And the place is when you are in a committed relationship with only him. So to be clear, getting it on, on the first date, on top of the pool table in the middle of a sports bar is a big NO NO. That is not being sexually adventurous. That is being promiscuous. Even if you are not having sex you can look sexy, but do not be wide open about it. Get to know him first before you take it to another level.
Now that you know what men really want, you may be wondering how you can adjust as a woman.
This means do not let him come over your house in the middle of the night, when you do not really know him. This leads to casual sex, which is what you don’t want. You want a relationship, not a hook up. (see my blog here for more on this topic)
Do not let him put you in the category with the “other women.”
Meaning that there are so many women who do the wrong things, that when he meets you he will think you are like those other women. Do not let him lump you with those other women. Prove that you are different, prove that you are one of a kind (because you are), and make him realize that you are worth keeping. And if he does not realize it, then move on. Never compete with another woman just to prove to him how special you are. (see my blog here for more on this topic)
Date and Get To Know
So to be clear. No dates where he comes to your house and no dates where you come to his house and just sit around. Actually go places, let him take you to dinner, movies, or a vacation. This will give you the opportunity to see how he acts in public and to see what he likes to do. When you are going to these dates, talk to him (not about sex) but a normal conversation. Asked what he does, what he likes to do, find out if he wants to ever get married. You know the stuff that will determine if you ever want to see him again. (Check out my blog here on things you should be asking on the first date).
All an all, it is not just about what men want. It is about finding the man that you want as well.