I am 32 years old. That’s right, I an over 30 women and I am not ashamed to tell the world my age. I personally do not I am old. I have had moments where I may go though a little a mini midlife crisis, especially around my 32 birthday (read my blog here on that). But now that I have settle into my 32nd year of life. I have concluded that being 32 is not old at all. Well as least to me it isn’t. To other people not so much. And the fact that I am over 30 and not married, you mine as well put a scarlet letter on my forehead, because to other people this means that I am cursed.
I still get the:
“ Your over 30, still single, and never married?” question. Followed by the ” I feel sorry for you face.”
It does not matter that I am college educated, have several degrees, or the fact that I have my life in order. All of that is over shadowed by the fact that I am not married. I do not even have a man so I am no where near being married. Which paints me out as an old maid. It appears as though my relationship status affects other people more than it affects me.
I was speaking to my cousin the other day. I went to tell her about some great news that I received about a professionally opportunity. The conversation started out by me saying that I was speaking to a guy and she quickly got excited. Then I went on about how the guy presented with an opportunity.
Her voice quickly got un-excited and she responded “ Oh, when you told me you were talking to a guy, I thought you were going to say you met someone.”
I had to let my family member down once again and let them know I am still single with no end to my singleness in sight. And I am okay with that. I have my son, who I love, therefore I already have my live in dose of testosterone. And even better I get to raise him to be a good man, and my son actually treats me better than a lot of grown men do.
He opens the door for me, write me love notes, we laugh, and joke together. It is the ideal relationship with a male, except it is not romantic. Get your head out of the gutter people. I am not talking about incest.
It did make me wonder, why do so many fantasize about marriage so much? Is because they want a companion, or is it because as women get older, they felt it is something they were suppose to do? I also made me think, if I never got married how would I feel about that? All of my friends are married and they seem happy. But some of my friend are divorced too, I wondered if they regretted getting married. And some of my friends I feel should get a divorce but they are still trucking through a painful marriage living in misery every day of their life. Which is what I do not want.
The first conclusion that I came to, was we cannot compare ourselves to others or conform to other people’s expectations of us. Aside from my son, God is my best friend. After you have spent so much time with the perfect Father figure (which is God) how on Ea
rth can you go back to mediocre men that treat you like trash, or less than what your Father is willing to treat you?
I learned to trust God and to stop wreaking havoc in my own life by trying to go my own way. When I was trying to find men and make those men fit into my mold of a husband I would find this horrid men that made me unhappy. I am glad that I did not marry any of them. I am a happier single then I would be a married to any of the past men I have dated. Trusting in God has come with both experience and age, and knowing that I deserve better than the men I was dating came with trusting God. So how can I despise getting older, and going deeper into my 30’s and closer to my 40’s when God is leading the way?
There are things that I thought that I would have accomplished by 32, marriage being one of them. I have not gotten to these areas yet, but I do have other things in my life that are just as equally awesome. Do I feel older? Of course. But I do not feel self pity or anger for the things that I have not accomplished.
Perhaps you are in your 30’s, perhaps you are approaching 30, perhaps you are approaching 40, 50, or even beyond that, and you are still single or not in a position that you thought you would be end. As long as you are breathing you still have a chance for things to change. It is never the end of your life, until you die. So do not get caught up in the technicalities for your life in this world.