My son and I have a very close relationship. It is my perception that kids understand more than you think. I was honest with my son about his father who for a lack of a better word is not a father (click here to read my blog on that). And I was honest to my son regarding the sex talk.
As parents you may or may not be dreading the sex talk. The sex talk typically consist of
- Where do babies come from?
- What is sex?
- And if you have a little boy like I do.
- Why does my penis stand straight up when I am looking at the cheerleaders dance on TV?
As a single mom who has a little boy I want to be as transparent as possible with my son. I hope that he will wait until he gets married to have sex, but if that is not the case I also want him to be as knowledgeable as possible. Knowledge is power and no matter how you raise your kid, they are their own person and they are going to make their own mistakes. I would hate for my son to be a 16 year father because he did not understand the basic components of safe sex. Or get an STD because he did not know how to prevent them.
But that is a long away away. My son is only 7 years old. But even at a young age I feel that you should talk to your kids about sex. Children should know the proper name for their genitalia. Molestation happens folks. And if you listen to the news it has been happening by teachers and teacher’s assistants to elementary aged children. Using names like Wee wee for penis or cookie for vagina makes their genitals seem more like a toy. And when someone ask to touch their cookie, children think it is okay because it sounds like a sweet snack that they get from their parents after dinner.
I was not the one to give my son the molestation talk, believe it or not. It was his doctor at age 5! As she examined him, she told my son that she was going to touch his penis to make sure that it was okay. But that it was never okay for anyone else to touch his penis without his permission. This included adults and family members. And that if someone was to touch his penis he should tell an authority figure right away! After that she asked my son for permission touch his body.
And my son nodded in understanding and also laughed about it because he is a boy. After the appointment, in true boy form, he kept making jokes about his penis. But you see, it was not awkward at all. It did not make me feel embarrassed nor did it make him feel embarrassed. After that appointment I spoke openly to my son about molestation what is was and to tell me if anyone ever touched his penis or other parts of his body.
The second sex talk was more traumatizing for me. My son was 6 years old. We were watching Hit the Floor and the cheer leaders were dancing. Out of nowhere my son told me his penis was standing up and asked me what was wrong with it. I had to explain to him that this was normal and will sometimes happen when he sees a woman he thinks is pretty. This was kind of an awkward conversation. It caught me off guard a bit, but my son realized that his penis was not going to explode and he was not going to die for his penis sticking up. It was normal. And would probably happen again.
The third sex talk was actually on the topic of sex when he was six. My son came out of nowhere like children often do and asked
“Mommy when I get married, what will my wife do with my penis; will she play with it?”
I thought the way he phrased was pretty funny. So my response was
“Something like that.”
And then here comes the question that most parents dread
“Mommy, what is sex?”
I had to think about my response and put it in a way that he would understand that would not horrify him.
“It is when a man rubs his penis on a woman’s vagina”
My son’s reaction was priceless. His eyes got big and he said
“I did not know that!”
Once the initial shock passed because this seems so strange to him that this is what two people do when they have sex. He accepted my answer, and I told him not to tell any of his friends at school because that was their parents place not his. Of course he told his best friend at school the next day.
The last real sex talk I had with my son was at 7 years old and it was another typical questions?
“Where to babies come from?”
At this point I had talked about sex with my son, his penis, and molestation. So it was not big deal for me to say
“A woman’s vagina”
But like true boy form my son’s response was
“I came out of your vagina?” As he rolled on the floor and started laughing.
And in my case he did not come out of my vagina, I had a c-section and just simply told him that.
My point is that it is good to be open and honest with your children. I would not recommend showing your children porn or anything crazy in order to teach them about sex. But I would recommend talking to them. I can recall when I was in elementary, older kids who were 5th graders came along and told me that a condom was a plastic bag. And then gave it to me. I was in awe. I had a condom. I believed that bag was a condom for the longest time. It is better for your children to find out sex from you, then it is for them to find out sex from someone else. Because his friends may tell them
- You can’t get a girl pregnant if it is your first time and her first time. Which is false
- If you pull out you can’t get a girl pregnant. Which is also false
- You cannot get STD’s from oral sex. Which is once again FALSE.
Sure I want my son to wait until he finds a wife to have sex. But despite popular belief, hiding the topic of sex from your kids or just telling not to do it is not doing them any favors. Educating them about sex and STD’s will teach them that sex is a huge responsibility and can have untended consequences such a AIDS or even a baby that you cannot take care of.
Kids are only going to get embarrassed by the sex talk if you get embarrassed by the sex talk.