Stop settling for less in a relationship. The worse thing you can do is be in a dysfunctional relationship and try to call it normal. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen, heard, observed, or counseled women who seem to think that their bad relationship is good because they believe that a man loves him. How many women fight over men (see my blog here and here), and settle for less in a relationship instead of trying to find a good one.
When women are settling for less in a relationship, often times they do not realize it. A common thing that women tend to do is try to outline the one semi-positive thing a man does for them out of all of the bad and tries to make it seem like the relationship is good.
When you stop settling for less in a relationship you should not be chasing a man (see my blog here) or trying to convince herself that a man loves her. She should just knows that he loves her. Because love is an action. It is something that you do, it should not be something that a woman tries to convince herself that she has in a relationship. Remember he who FINDS a wife, FINDS a good thing (see my blog here).
Not she who puts up with nonsense and worries a man to death until he marries her, finds a good thing. When you are settling for less in a relationship? You are telling yourself that you feel like you cannot do better and you feel like this man, that does not treat you right, loves you. You are telling yourself that you are not worthy for a man to love you because and instead you must shove yourself down his throat.
Common complaints of women settling for less in a relationship consist of the following:
- He cheats on me
- He hurts me
- He calls me dumb
- He puts me down
- He ignores me
- He pays attention to other women more than me
- He does not like my kids
- We argue all the time
- He hangs up in my face
- He tells me that he can do better
And when I ask why they stay, the next thing out of their mouth is:
“BUT I LOVE HIM!”
And I often have this dumb founded look on my face. What in the world is there to love about any of the above things that I just said. Why would you love someone who hurts, disrespect you, and call you names? So many people want to fall in love that they try to force love with anyone even if it is wrong. You can have better relationships if you stop settling for less in a relationship and change was you accept in a man (see my blog here for more on that). Men only do what you allow them to do and on any given day you can leave. Do not try to convince yourself that the jacked up behaviors a man shows them means that they love you.
How many times have you heard women make excuses for jacked up men? Saying that they never had a father, they have been hurt in the past (see my blog here on how the past can affect your future), or they do not know how to express their emotions. Stop making excuses for why a man treats you like the poop on the bottom of his shoe. And do not use the issues of your past to excuse why you are staying with a man that treats you bad. I think the bigger issue you are settling for less in a relationship, you do not know what love is and therefore, you do not know what to look for.
A person that loves you is not going to say and do things to intentionally to hurt you. Click To Tweet
Real love is not someone trying to beat you or try to break down your self esteem so that they have control over you. If by chance they are wrong, they apologize with the intent to never hurt you again. THAT IS WHAT REAL LOVE IS.
- Therefore, women whose men have cheated on them 4 and 5 times, this is not love.
- Women who have men that tell them they are fat and ugly and reminds her everyday that he can do better, this is not love.
- Men who do not want to claim you and only knows you behind closed doors in between the sheets of their bedroom, this is not love. That is not a relationship but a booty call. Click to read my blog for more on that.
If someone loves you, you will know it. Stop settling for less in a relationship. And not settling may mean that you may have some more time alone because many men are not willing to put forth the effort that it takes to be with you. It may even mean that you need to cut some people off that you have been back and forth with for the past few years. It may mean you may spend some Saturday and Friday nights alone. But so what. You can be happy without all the drama that makes you unhappy. Click to read my blog on how to be single and happy.
Weed out the people who are not ready or incapable of being in a relationship and save yourself for a person that is. Why would you want to stay in heartache with someone all for the sake of saying that you are in a relationship? When you know deep down that your relationship is not a real relationship at all.
If you rather be in any relationship over a good relationship, then you may have some work to do on yourself (also check out my life coaching page). Because something is really wrong there. You should not want to sacrifice your own happiness just so that you can have the right to put “ in a relationship” on your Facebook status. If you even earn that right. I remember when God told me that I deserve better than what I was getting. And I chose to believe Him. And if God has never told you that, then I am telling you now. You deserve to be in a great relationship with a man that really loves you. Not one that you have to turn on the delusion in your head and convince yourself that he loves you. That is not real love.