I am going through a mid-life crisis at 32. Okay well, not technically. According to the dictionary a midlife crisis is
“A period of psychological stress occurring in middle age, thought to be triggered by a physical, occupational, or domestic event, as menopause, diminution of physical prowess, job loss, or departure of children from the home.”
But being the mental health professional I am, I am going to go ahead and self-diagnosis myself. I am going through a midlife crisis. I just turned 32 last month and I officially see 40 on the horizon. Normally this does not bother me because no one would even guess I am in my 30’s and to most people, I have accomplished a lot in my life.
But I am not most people. I am me. And to me I still have a long way to go. Every day a laundry list of things go off in my head about all I still have to do. For God’s sakes, I am 32! That is close to 40, which is close to 50, and soon my life will be over! I know, a bit dramatic. But these are the thoughts that go on in the head of someone suffering from a self-diagnosed midlife –crisis.
It does not matter that I am almost done with my PhD. Not when I feel like I should have been done a year ago. It does not matter that I have several years’ experience in the mental health field, what matters is that I do not have my dream job yet. AND that my dream job may not be in the mental health field! AND I see no way of getting my dream job.
I know that I should be thankful for what I have. And God knows I am thankful, but there is a but. And the but is that I want more. As a Christian, that makes me an evil person. I should not want more money, want more out of life, want my dream job, dream car, dream husband, with a dream picket fence around the outside of my dream house.
I should be content with what I have. But despite me telling myself that. I am not, I want more! And the dilemma is that after doing all that you can do to get where you want to go, you still come up short. And that is where the crisis comes in. For people like me, I am sure I have some controlling personality deficit. I want to control everything and make it happen on my times table. But when it doesn’t and there is nothing I can do about it….my brain goes into a crisis and I start to drive myself insane.
But, I still say that this is a good thing. I think one should never get complacent in life and forget where they want to go. I read the book the Alchemist and it was all about following your dreams. It also showed people who said they were going to follow their dreams BUT as times passed they settled into their jobs, forget their dreams, and settled for an ordinary life. I do not want that to be me. That is one of my biggest fears. Never getting a chance to be all that God made me to be. So although I am a little neurotic. It is okay, maybe that craziness keeps me pushing toward a dream that is only in my head. And if I am lucky, my craziness combined with my desire to succeed will pay off.