Why am I still single? You would not believe how many times I get that question. The question as to why I am still single confuses me just as much as it confuses the people who are asking me. My family thinks that I am seeing men behind their back and just not telling them. I am a nice looking girl, educated, and employed. But as my ex so kindly put it to me when I was not falling all over myself to be with him “A lot of women have what you have, what makes you do special?” He then told me that not a lot of men has what he has and that I should be grateful that he is giving me attention.
My reaction to his little outburst was simple. I told him to get the hell out of my house. Was he crazy? But the bigger question that I had to ask myself, was “Is he right?”
It is true that many women are educated and have good jobs, which make us a dime a dozen. However the bigger issue is that even though many women hustle to be a better versions of themselves, why do men feel that just because they have the bare minimum that this makes them some hot commodity and it makes us common?
So to answer the question as to why I am still single, I will put it in simplest terms.
I refuse to be with someone who does not value me.
My ex pointed out all the things about me that made me like other women. But he failed to recognize the things that are me. And if he cannot differentiate me from those other women then that is a guarantee that you are not meant to be with me. I think a lot of men just look at women on a surface level and make the determination to be with them or not, based on what they have or what they look like. Well if that is what those men want then they can have it. I want my man to see me, what I have to offer, and value it. Not try to take me out on a date (or to their house), try to sleep with me, and when I refuse make it seem like something is wrong with me!
I refuse to get into another bad relationship.
If you want a poster child for bad relationships then I think you are looking at her. I used to think that a bad relationship was better than any relationship. And honestly I did not even see it as a bad relationship. I used to think that all of the dysfunctional behavior I had in a relationships were normal. The lying, the hacking into my man’s phone only to find out that he was cheating with other women, or the running into other women that my man was having sex with at the time. I use to think that all that was normal. I don’t want that. And I refuse to get into another situation where I am on edge wondering what in the world my man is up to.
What I want is to love and trust the man that I am with unconditionally. That comes with getting to know a man first before jumping into a relationship. Often time men do not make it past this phase with me. There are always red flags that let me know the man that I am getting to know is a carbon copy of some of the losers I dated in the past.
I want something that is more about sex.
I am celibate (read that blog here on why). Just to get you a brief over view. The man that I had been seeing kicked me out of his house, on my birthday, after having sex. That was an eye opening experience that told me sex means nothing. Sex can blind you from who that person really is. And no matter how long you have been “sexing” that person, it does not make them love you. If they are a jacked up indiv
idual, sex is not going to make them into your dream guy.
And so we are at the point to where I am still single. And not just for a few months but for YEARS. For the first time in a long time, I am not dating, looking, or chasing after anyone, and that is okay. I don’t have the time for it. I feel that if it is meant for me to meet someone then I will and it is not going to take a whole lot of chasing on my part. I have been there and done that and it just lead me to a place that I am not willing to revisit. And if the day never comes for me to be married. Then I still have myself. And I think that I am pretty awesome, even if a man cannot see that. I do not need anyone to tell me how great they think I am. I already know that for myself. What I need is for them to add on to all of this awesomeness and to understand my weirdness. And that is what I am waiting for.