I feel my misfortune is made to share with everyone else in cyber universe. I can recall that after a few months after I had a my son I was out and about and a man asked me for my number. During that time I would just give anyone my number. I cannot even tell you if the man was attractive.
But what I do recall is that he gave me a call that very same evening. When I spoke to him on the phone, through casual phone conversation I asked him if he had any kids. This was my attempt to find out if he was the “kids type” since I was a newly single mom. He did not answer my question right away. Instead he started laughing. For about 5 minutes! I thought I missed out on a joke or something.
I then heard him scream to a friend and say, “This girl wants to know if I have kids.” And he was still laughing! Was this a crazy question to ask? Did he not like kids? What is it?
I soon found out that he did like kids. In fact he like them too much, he had 7 of them. And not just 7 different children by one person, but by seven different women. I can honestly say this was the most awkward phone conversation to have. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think he picked up on it and asked me if I was still going to talk to him. I am a really bad liar, so I danced around the question. I tend to not to want to make people feel bad. But at the end of the day, I knew I was not going to talk to him again. I just had a son. Me plus my son plus him and his 7 kids equal 10 people and that was way too many.
In fact when he called for the next few days I did not answer the phone. What was there to say? I think he got the hint and he pretty much left me alone. But I learned something from his situation. I learned to cut people off quick. I used to entertain people I did not really like just so I could go on a date or not be bored. But his situation was something that I knew was not going to go anywhere near. I did not even feel the need to explain that to him.
I learned the obvious, he has too many kids and he has too many baby mamas. And the least obvious thing is that he does not like contraceptives. There are too many STD’s in the world for him to be running around having unprotected sex with everyone. Those 7 women are the ones that got pregnant, imagine how much unprotected sex he has had in between. I did not feel that he was responsible enough to pursue a relationship with and to do so will involve too much drama.
The second phone conversation was at the gas station and a man approached me. The first problem was that I was not instantly attracted to him. But I was willing to over look that until I saw the minivan. I am not all about cars, but I thought to myself “what single man drives around in a mini van.” I do not know, I could be wrong, but a minivan is typically a family vehicle. But still, no judgement.
As he approached me he did something that I noticed is becoming more and more common among men. He asked me if I wanted his number. Let’s think about this for a second. He approached me, found me attractive, and asked if I wanted to take HIS number. My response was easy, I told him no, and told him that he was more than welcome to take mine. I may be old fashion but I just cannot imagine myself taking a man’s number and calling him first. Especially one I was not really even interested in.
I do not know why I gave him my number. I considered even giving him the wrong number. But great thing I didn’t because as soon as I gave him my number he called it, right in front of me (another growing trend I have noticed among men). I guess they want to make sure that they get the right number. Once that was confirmed I made up in my mind that I was not going to answer it when he called. I know it sounds mean, but I just wasn’t feeling it.
The family car, the unwillingness to take control, and the lack of attraction (I am sorry I am very visual). I did not see this taking off. I will give him an A for effort. He sent me text messages that I did not answer. And in case I did not get a good look at him he sent me another picture of himself, which confirmed that I did not find him attractive. Then he sent a “wrong text” to me.
In case you do not know what a wrong text is, it is when you pretend to send the wrong text to someone to invoke jealousy. His “wrong text” consisted of him professing love for another woman. I still did not answer. I knew it was the “wrong text move,” and if it wasn’t then why would I want him anyway, he was in love with another woman.
What I learned from both of these situations.
- Do not give people your number that you are not interested in.
- Get to know important things about a man up front. For example, if I would have waited 6 month after dating the man with 7 kids and 7 baby mamas, I may have been too blinded by my emotions to cut it off.
- Do not be afraid to hurt people’s feeling. I would often pretend to show interest in men so that I would not hurt their feelings. If your not interested, then your not interested. There is not reason to be ashamed of that. Or pretend interest. You are only prolonging the inevitable, and that is that you do not like them and are never going to like them.
In closing do not feel pressured to give men your number, give them sex, or to go out on dates with them. Even if you are single that does not mean you have to let go of your standards all together and try to force a connection with someone you don’t like. Trust me. I know, been there done that.