Married At First Sight. Black Men Not Wanting To Marry Black Women. Does this Raise a Bigger Issue?

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Last night was the premiere for Married at First Sight season 3.  Regardless of what you think about the show I am a personal fan.  However watching last night’s episode I felt revealed a deeper issue?  So let me recap so that we can get into what the issue was.  Before revealing the couples that were going to be matched, they have a total of about 12-20 people that they were considering.  Among them were three black men and three black women, all of whom were successful.

I personally was excited to see a little diversity on the show. But then one of the experts (who was white) revealed something very interesting.  She said that it was going to be hard to match the black men with the black women because out of all the black men that they were considering matching NONE of them wanted to marry black women.  And all the black women wanted to marry black men.  She further stated that it was a shame because the black women were really good catches and they could not be matched.  It was a white woman is noticing this.

Do not misconstrue what I am saying.  If a black man wants to marry a white woman then that is their business.  But the fact that the three black men have never dated within their race AND were unwilling to give a black woman a chance is horrible in my opinion.  You have to wonder if it is some type of self-hate issue.  They were black and not light skinned black, but black black.  Meaning that they came from a black mama.  So the bigger issue is not that they date outside of their race, the bigger issue is that they only date outside their race.  They do not even view black and being beautiful even though they are black and I am sure that their family is black unless they were adopted or something.

Not only do I think that this is sad, but I have a problem with it.  These were not ratchet Real Housewives of Atlanta women, they were all successful and beautiful but that was not enough.  They had to be of a different race for the man to even consider them.  Like them being successful was not enough, because they were not white.

This ideology raises a bigger issue.  Do successful black men prefer women who are not black? If so then why? Is having a woman that is not black some type of subconscious ideal?  If so then I think that we still have the slave mentality that black is bad and white is right.  Like I said if you want to marry outside your race then cool.  But do not simply say “I do not think any black person is attractive” and your black.  That means that you do not even find yourself attractive.  And that is very stupid.

Obviously I am a black female.  I have several interracial marriages in my family.  At one point my step father was white.  But the difference is that all of many family members will date anyone.  They will not say “Oh I have to have me a white man.”  It just so happens that this is who they fell in love with.

The one couple that is black on the show features a black woman and a biracial male.  When he was being matched he said he did not have an issue with either race.  Now this is what the difference is.  He is open to any race.  Especially a race in which he in part came from since he was black and white.  How dumb would that be for him to not like a certain race and he came from that race.  Which is why the whole black men not like the black women is minding blowing.

As a black woman I am confident but I also feel sad that for some reason or another we are not viewed as a beautiful race of women.  Even by other black men.  I have a black son and I will admit that I would be heartbroken if I heard him say that he does not see black women and being beautiful.  If that is the case then what does he think of me as his mama.  People claim that we need to get racism out of our heads, well lets start with getting rid of the racism out of our own race first.

Check out the video below:


  1. Great article! I believe that our culture and society and psychologically impress what they “define” as beauty to the detriment of African-Americans. As you stated, if they don’t feel an African-American woman is valuable, what does that say about themselves, their mothers, sisters, etc. The mere fact that they are closed off to someone who looks like them reflects self-hate and even more so that they don’t want their children to resemble them either. You did a wonderful job showcasing this issue and especially pointing out how it was also viewed as negative by someone who themselves is not African-American.

  2. Hi there, I agree very much with what you said in regards to race and preferences. Do you remember which episode Tres spoke about being open to any race ? I’m sure I saw it but I cannot seem to find it :/
    Thanks 🙂

    • It was the first or second episode (before the wedding or wedding preparations). It was the episode in which they were trying to choose which people they were going to match up.

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